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366 Instances of Gluttony at Ordinaries and public Feafts. July extremities, burited into the room down together on equal terms, and about eleven o'clock, and, after both eat as christians. chewing on the bill of fare, as long During the last war in Germany, as a proctor's bill, seemingly much there was an officer much more dirdistrefied which of the articles to tinguished for his execution at table choose, he ordered “ rump Itakes than in the field. Whenever any and oyster sauce for two,” pronoun- thing scarce or nice was brought to cing the last word with an emphasis. dinner, it was with difficulty his broMy friend and I, though we could ther officers could partake. Finding not help wondering a litile at his cal. all hints of his ill manners ineffectual, ling for so heavy a supper, were not they had recourse to the following surprised at the quantity, concluding fcheme. It being a custom with the that he expected a companion, but officer, on account of the weather, to our astonifiment was great indeed, dine bald headed; one day, when a when we law him devour the whole, fine turtle was brought to table, the though a very good allowance for company procured a black boy, wlio two, and that with incredible dis. usually attended behind his chair, to patch. After this we should not have strew a little pounded sugar now and wondered, if he had ordered a pail then upon the crown of his head, full of punch, but he washed down which presently caking by means of his supper with about a quart of small the sun, the fies came in swarms to beer, paid his reckoning, and, to our feed on it, and gave him continual great pleasure, waddled to a coach employment, for as soon as he had which had been brought for him to the buffeted them away, the plaguy indoor.

sects returned again to their luscious This extraordinary spectacle brought banquet. This witty device was to my mind much such another I once practised with the desired success till saw at an ordinary at Turnham the end of the campaign. Green. After taking the whole of But, Sir, if any one would see glut. the sweetbread from the breast of vea), tony in all (if I may be allowed the exone of the guests had the modefty to pression) its glory, he must step into help his wife, whom he had placed the city, and take a dinner at some of with himlelf at the head of the table, the bospital feasts, or livery feftivals. to the entire breast of the goose, ob- To those who have not been wit. liquely telling the company,“ his nesles of the fact, it will seem incredispousé had been monstrously fond of ble to what excess some members of that part ever since she was a child." the corporation eat on these occasions. There were, beside these dishes, a My observation and astonishment have large edgebone of beef, quarter of ing been often attracted by a certain Janib, and two fruit pies, and if I was common-council-man, remarkable for to say that this gormandizer ate to the his rotundity of body, I determined value of more than five thillings, I am to take, at some feftival or other, an fure I thould not exceed the truth. exact account of every thing he should The company were not surprised to happen to swallow under the denomihear hiin say after dinner, that he nation of a dinner, and accordingly, had “ dined at all the ordinaries in at an anniversary feast of the goand about London."

vernors of Bridewell Hospital, I put I was once intimately acquainted my design into execution. I beg with an immoderate eater, and fool leave, sir, to present you with it, enough to take a month's tour with assuring you, that whatever appearhim into the country. I fay fool ance it may have, it is made out with enough, Sir, because I was every day great truth and accuracy. disgusted with his voracity. An expedient however at length occurred to Memorandum of what Mr. J-Hme to render it less disagreeable. I

consumed at bis dinner on a Bridemade him agree to eat, previous to

well Hospital annual venison feaft. every meal, Tuch a quantity of food Two plates of mock turtle. as would bring down his appetite on a

Some salmon trout. par with mine, so that we might fit

venison.
Ham and chicken.

SECOND

Plots against Government-Cod-Fiso Plot. 367 SECOND COURSE. yet, when the waiters came to clear Some goose and green pease. the table at which he had dined, he Lobster-cold.

angrily told them “ they were in a Marrow.pudding

confounded hurry, and swore he Codling tart creamed.

would knock some of them down if Prawns.

they did not get him some ice cream,” One small custard.

adding withal, “ it is damned hard DE SER T.

a body can't dine at these here places Some blamange.

in comfort." Two jellies.

Give me leave to affure you, Sir, One plate of rafberries, thoroughly that it is not in my disposition to cast soaked in wine.

any wanton ridicule on the citizens Two llices of a melon. And of London. As a corporate body I some cheele.

honour and esteem them, but confiLeaving the quantity quite out of dering them individually, I cannot the question, we inust hudder when help thinking that very few indeed we reflect on the horrid mass, the con- can say with Solon, “ other men live folidation of such a number of hetero- that they may eat, but I eat only that geneous articles must have formed in I may live ;" and I must also take the this glutton's paunch, especially when liberty to think, that eating and we take into consideration their auxi- drinking is much more attended to at liaries, such as lobster sauce, currant their public festivals, than sociablejelly, melted butter, oil and vinegar, ness and good manners, muitard, sugar, and small beer: and

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Ou Plots against Government.
NDER a wise and patriotic admi. wished their master to suppose himself

niftration, there is scarcely any in danger, that he might be weaned such thing as a plot. When the prince from all affection for his people. Thus is milled; when he is taught to be- having engroffed his confidence, they ljeve, that he can' have an interest imposed on his credulity. The reign feparate from that of his people ; of Charles the Second exhibits a speciwhen he aims at governing by an aris- men of this. The ministers encouratocracy, and, for this purpose, creates ged plotters. Plotting was then a peers by dozens, as the sun calls trade, and every villain became an mullirooms into existence from a informer, it being a furer way to thrive dunghill; when a parliament is the than taking the road. Most true it creature of the minister, and the mi- is, that the plots set on foot by mi: nister is a mere vafal of the crown; niftry have ever been of the incredible when such is the miserable itate of a kind. They have abounded with country, a plot may exist. This was improbabilities, like that lately of Mr. the state of England under that obfti. Richardson's concerning Mr. Sayre. nate fool James the Second. The, The Meal-tub plot, the Band-box plot, plot of the Revolution sent him about the Screw.pin plot, were so many his business. We have nothing to names for fictitious contrivances, to ruin fear, but every thing to hope, from a set of men cbnoxious to the mini. the present monarch. No danger is iters. Some of those plots failed. O. therefore to be apprehended from a thers succeeded. Sonie were of the plot. If the ministry, and those who melancholic, others of the mithful besiege his majesty's person, do not kind. In the reign of Henry the Se. mean to bring about a revolution, the venth, there was a contrivance, entipeople are perfectly content with their tied the Col-fish plot. It was worked present situation. They are convinced, up from the following circumsance. that they never hall be-more free, An obnoxious opposer of the court never-more happy.

was leized like Mr. Sayre. Amongst Under a bad administration, plots his papers there was found a letter have frequently been encouraged by from a friend in Kent, returning the ministry themselves. They have thanks for the receipt of " a fine 4

Cod.

Cod-fish, and a barrel of opflers.". This time preparing for the invasion of was carried to the minifter. He dif- England. The cod-fish could therefore covered a treasonable meaning in the only mean that impostor. The bar. letter. He argued thus. It was ridi. rol of oysters meant the army which he culous to send cod-fish and oysters into designed to bring over with him. Kent, that county abounding with all this was confirmed by an exprerall sorts of fish. The oysiers and the fion in the letter, Tbai ibe cod-fib cod-fijb must therefore mean something and oysters came - very reasonably." else. Perkin Warbeck was at that

On new Peerages, with a Bon Mot (HE multiplicity of new creations, could not effectually aslift him. They

, with ? is a measure of absurdity.

As the power of the nobles declined Unless honours are the rewards of through the increase of their numbers, public services, they are so many the power of the commons arose with bribes to strengthen the power of the the increase of their spirit.

Thus was crown. If these bribes are scattered James defeated in his end by being with too lavish an hand, the very mistaken in his means. purpose for which they are conferred, Our courtiers are all historians. is defeated. The design of creating Our ministers are extremely well verpeers, is to increase the number of sed in the state papers of every reign. friends. But, in proportion as the If they would but profit by their read. peerage is enhanced in an overgrown ing, it would much advantage the degree, the dignity of nobility is ler- king. If the minister wilhed to desened. Titles cease to be respectable, grade the peerage, he could not do when they are become common. it more effectually, than by advising

When james the First ascended the his majesty to multiply creations withthrone of England he scattered coro- out any public reason for the deed. nets amongst his followers, as children One advantage, indeed, may accrue do play-things amongst their fellows. to the nation. The numbers of the He increased the peerage, that he nobility will be increased to such a might multiply friends, and establish degree, that it will be with the uthimself more firmly on the throne. most difficulty, we shall recollect their This king was esteemed a wise man. He

When this happens, an office had some virtue, and a larger portion may be erected, wherein the people of learning than falls to the share may be taught an art to help weak of princes. Yet he was deceived memories, to an accurate knowledge in this, as in every thing else, by of the names of the nobility, his advisers. The multiplicity of The very numerous creation of Irish creations brought on his disgrace. Ti peerages brings to remembrance a tles were so plentiful, that they became 'bon mot, of Harwood the famous cheap in the eyes of the vulgar. Irish counsellor :-Passing through They lost their dignity. Their power Drogheda, he called upon his friend declined of course. It was esteemed the inayor, who was by trade a gromore honourable to be devoid of title. cer: How fares my old friend ? lays The appellation of a commoner bespoke the counsellor ;-Oh! by my shoul, respect. The title of lord implied never worse! Why what's the matter? nothing more than court-vaffalage, “ How the devil (all I sell my cheese time-serving obsequiousness. Quali- and butter, now the duke of Dorset ties sufficiently infamous to excite has made me a knight?" “ Poh! poh! conteinpt.

says Harwood, hold your tongue, you By these impolitic creations, James old fool ; by Jasus ! you're very well lost that assistance of the nobility, be off, that he did not make you a was taught to expect. The nobles lord !"

names.

ON

For the LONDON MAGAZINE.

On the Conviet AE.
A.

Sif determined to cast a severe venture to foretell, that such a sight

reflection on this reign there is will not be long endured. English. Icarcely a single act of parliament, men, in their most degenerate con: which ministry have passed, but what dition, are designed for a better hath been pregnant with absurdities. fate.

The Convidt Act is erroneous in its If the Convict Act was justifiable origin; impolitic in its end; imprac. in its origin, and politic in' its end, ticable in its execution.

the execution of it is utterly imprace, The troubles in America gave ex. ticable. Who are to be the overseers istence to the Convict Act. As the of the galley flaves ? Out of what colonies would not receive our felons, fund are those overseers to be paid ministıy determined wholly to lay aside their respective salaries? Who is to the mode of transportation. Because provide lighters for the galley Naves we could not send cargoes of scoun- to work in? Who is to pay for the drels to America, administration de- irons which are to chain' them togetermined, for the sake of preserving ther? The act declares, that such the breed, to keep them at home and such materials shall be provided ; This was a fagrant error. The pu- but it leaves the mode of providing nishmentof transportation should have and the payment when provided, to been continued. The place only the hand of chance the only , exeThould have been changed. Instead cutor of measures which originate in of sending convicts to America, they ignorance ! should have been transported to the A volume might be filled ; a month East Indies. The company would might be engrossed in commenting on thus have been furnimed with a body the gross absurdities with which the of soldiery. There would not have Convict Act abounds. In former been any occasion for crimps and kidreigns, acts of parliament were penned nappers to trepan the unwary, or with accuracy. Being general laws, seduce the industrious. A regular they were so drawn up as to be genesupply of able-bodied men would rally understood. They were calculahave been drafted as it were to our ted, in a manner, to execute themAsiatic settlements. The number of selves. The reverse is now the case, executions would have decreased. Scarcely a law has passed one month, No such thing as hanging for a return before the judges are requested to exa from transportation, would ever have plain the meaning of that law. Am. happened.

A conviet, once safely biguity abounds, where perspicuity landed in India, would have found mould be the most apparent. It is a an escape to England impossible. sufficient satire on the abilities of our The impoffibility of succeeding would ministry to say, that, as itatesmen, have deterred him from the attempt, they enact laws which cannot be exHe might have become industrious ecuted. If one, out of a multiplicity through conkraint, and honest thro' of instances of this kind, is called for, necessity.

I will refer to the Convict Act. As far as a comprehensive plan of will shortly take place. It has passed policy is concerned, the Convict Act into a law. It will affect the liberties

altogether impolitic. What end of millions.-Let it be executed if it can be attained, in the least degree, can. If it fall be found impracticable contributive to the welfare of the 'in the execution, the framers, connation? The light of an Englishman, trivers, and abettors of such an a&t, transformed into a galley Nave, is deserve, for their stupidity, a little humiliating. Without arrogating to wholesome Aagellation. myself the spirit of prophecy, I will July 17.6.

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To the EDITOR of the LONDON MAGAZINE.

Description of a new Academy at Paris,
SIR,
A vend themselves every minute

to contemptible writer, remarks upon
the eyes of a ftranger in this fluttering the absurdities of the signs in London,
city, 'I have been highly entertained without perceiving that they are much
with one in particular, _. e. the aca. more absurd in Paris ; but the latter
denny for teachingthe art of femalebair. is in every respect superior to London,
dreling according to the present high for in Paris we often see a fellow fits
gout. In my walks I have seen several ting in a box something like a cobler's
of these, where a large room, with its stall, who calls himself a scrivener,
contents, is laid open to public view, and writes for the benefit of the lower
and wherein you lee a great nuinber order of people who have not learnt
of the dirtiest female drabs the streets that art. Just opposite to me is one
afford, hired to fit (as we phrase it) of these learned men, but he informs
not for their pictures, but their pa: the world that he writes for Princes
tience, and to have their heads and et Seigneurs.
their hair twisted and turned about Now I am upon this fubject I muf
in various forms, according to the mention another sort of figo very fre.
taste of the operator, Some of these quent in Paris. These are living
ladies in high dress have been so won: heads, generally of the female gender,
derfully pi&turesque, that I have more which are hung out from the fecond,
than once been in danger of breaking third, and fourth stories, who are
a blood vesel; nor is it less entertain- taught to say, when they see an English-
ing to observe, with what astonish. man, Saire, Saire-Poncbe, Ponchem
ment and delight some of them seem pritte Garl, and some fuch other invi.
to look into the glass under their ele ting words ; for punch and a pretty girl
gant coiffure. Yet I must confess I are two strong temptations to an En.
lave seen others who have exhibited glilman at Paris, and though it may
well bred faces, and looked full as be a great way up, he need not trouble
like women of fashion as their betters; himself about getting down, as that
a look which no dress can give to a is often effected by means of the fame
low educated woman of our nation. window from whence the sign was hung

When a head is finished, the whole out, for where houses are so high, and chamber of artists examine the work. ftreets so very' narrow, it is no very manship, and after each bas given his caly matter to guess fruin which houta opinion, the pyramid is thrown down, or what window the body was thrown, and re-erected by some other itu. nor indeed does that much fignify, as dent.

the friends of relations of the deceased Before I have well recovered from will be sure to find it ready stript at the foreness and a fit of coughing, a bone. house near the river-side, which laughing is apt to produce on which is opened for the reception of me, my eyes are itruck with two the unclaimed dead. golden angels sounding trumpets, and Now if it should be said, and no which, in the joint actions of dying and doubt it will, that such ituff as this walking, support their trumpets with is a fign that I have very little to one hand, each holding a well comb- do, I answer, it is my province to ed peruke in the other. By this you write

such Auff, for what else can you
will perceive, Mr. Editor, that the expect from
head and the hair are the two main
objects of a Frenchman's attention. Paris, Tung 12. A WANDERER.

TO THE LADIES.
ERMIT an admirer of your sex, henhons relative to the present mode

to convey through the medium of of head dress.
a magazine, his thoughts and appre- I can not to admonilt; that would
5

discover

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