ENERGY.

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companion. A very worthy man may render you unhappy by an habitual disregard of your feelings. And there are many persons who seem to be utterly insensible to the tender emotions of refined delicacy. A man who would subject you to continual mortification by his coarseness and vulgarity, would be incapable of sympathizing with you in all the varied trials of life. There is no need of your being deceived on this point. If you have much delicacy of feeling yourself, you can easily discover the want of it in others. If y not, it will not be necessary in a companion.

you have

5. Another requisite is ENERGY OF CHARACTER. Many people think some worldly prospects are indispensably necessary. But a man of energy can, by the blessing of God, make his way through this world, and support a family, in this land of plenty, by his own industry, in some lawful calling. And you may be certain of the blessing of God, if you obey and trust him. A profession or calling, pursued with energy, is, therefore, all the estate you need require. But do not trust yourself with a man who is inefficient in his undertakings. This would be leaning upon a broken staff.

6. The person of your choice must be NEARLY OF YOUR OWN AGE. Should he be younger than yourself, you will be tempted to look upon him as an inferior; and old age will overtake you first. But I should suppose the idea of marrying a man advanced in years would be sufficiently revolting to the feelings of a young female to deter her from it. Yet such things often happen. But I consider it as contravening the

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HEALTH.

REFINEMENT.

order of nature, and therefore improper. In such case, you will be called upon rather to perform the office of a daughter and nurse, than a wife.

SECOND CLASS.

1. It is desirable that the man with whom you form a connection for life should possess a SOUND BODY. A man of vigorous constitution will be more capable of struggling with the difficulties and trials of this world, than one who is weak in body. Yet such an erroneous system has been pursued in the education of the generation just now coming upon the stage of action, that the health of very few sedentary persons remains unimpaired. It would, therefore, be cruel selfishness to refuse to form a connection of this kind, on this ground alone, provided the individual has no settled disease upon him. A person of feeble constitution requires the comfort and assistance of a companion more than one in vigorous health. But it certainly would not be your duty to throw yourself away upon one already under the influence of an incurable disease.

2. REFINEMENT OF MANNERS is a very desirable quality in a companion for life. This renders a person's society more agreeable and pleasant, and may be the means of increasing his usefulness. Yet it will not answer to make it a test of character; for it is often the case that men of the brightest talents, and of extensive education, who are in every other respect amiable and worthy,—have neglected the cultivation of their manners; while there are very many, destitute

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291

alike of talent and education, who seem to be adepts in the art of politeness. However, this may be cultivated, by a person of good sense, who appreciates its importance.

3. A SOUND JUDGMENT is also very necessary to enable a man to direct the common affairs of life. But this, also, may be cultivated by experience, and therefore cannot be called indispensable.

4. PRUDENCE is very desirable. The rashest youth, however, will learn prudence by experience. After a few falls, he will look forward before he steps, that he may foresee and shun the evil that is before him; but, if you choose such a one, take care that you do not fall with him, and both of you break your necks together.

5. It is a matter of great importance that the person with whom you form a connection for life, should belong to the same denomination of Christians with yourself. The separation of a family, in their attendance upon public worship, is productive of great inconvenience and perplexity; and there is serious danger of its giving rise to unpleasant feelings, and becoming an occasion of discord. I think it should be a very serious objection against any man, that he belongs to a different communion from yourself.

In addition to these, your own good sense and taste will suggest many other desirable qualities in a companion for life.

Upon receiving the addresses of a man, your first object should be to ascertain whether he possesses those prominent traits of character which you consider

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HOW TO DECIDE.

indispensable. If he lack any one of these, you have no further inquiry to make. Inform him openly and ingenuously of your decision; but spare his feelings, as far as you can consistently with Christian sincerity. He is entitled to your gratitude for the preference he has manifested for yourself. Therefore, treat him courteously and tenderly; yet let him understand that your decision is conclusive and final. If he possess the feelings of a gentleman, this course will secure for you his esteem and friendship. But, if you are satisfied with respect to these prominent traits of character, next look for those qualities which you consider desirable, though not indispensable. If you discover few or none of these, it will be a serious objection against him. But you need not expect to find them all combined in any one person. If you seek for a perfect character, you will be disappointed. In this, as well as in every other relation of life, you will need to exercise forbearance. The best of men are compassed about with imperfection and infirmity. Besides, as you are not perfect yourself, you have no right to look for perfection in a companion.

While deciding these points, keep your feelings under control. Suffer them to have no influence upon your judgment. A Christian should never be governed by impulse. Many persons have, no doubt, destroyed their happiness for life, by suffering their feelings to get the better of their judgment. Seek wisdom from above. The Lord directs all our ways, and we cannot expect to be prospered in any thing

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293

wherein we neglect to acknowledge him and seek his direction. But, when you have satisfied yourself in relation to these things, and the person whose addresses you are receiving has distinctly avowed his intentions, you may remove the restraint from your feelings; which, as well as your judgment, have a deep concern in the affair. A happy and prosperous union must have for its basis a mutual sentiment of affection, of a peculiar kind. If you are satisfied that this sentiment exists on his part, you are to inquire whether you can exercise it towards him. For, with many persons of worth, whom we may esteem, there is often wanting a certain undefinable combination of qualities, not improperly termed the soul of character; which alone seems to call out the exercise of that peculiar sentiment of which we are speaking. But I seriously charge you never to form a connection which is not based upon this principle. Such depraved creatures as we are need the aid of the warmest affection to enable us to exercise that mutual forbearance, so indispensable to the peace and happiness of the domestic circle. That the conjugal relation should be cemented by a principle of a peculiar kind, will moreover appear from the superiority of the soul over the body. When two human beings unite their destinies, there must be a union of soul, or else such union is but partial. And the union of soul must be the foundation of the outward union, and of course precede it. The same may likewise be inferred from the existence of such a principle in the human breast. When Adam first saw Eve, he declared the nature of