A DIALOGUE

BETWIXT

Sam. the Ferry-man of Dochet, Will. a Water-man of London, and Tom. a Barge-man of Oxford.

UPON THE KING'S CALLING A PARLIAMENT TO
MEET AT OXFORD.

London, printed in 1681. Quarto, containing twenty-nine pages.

This pamphlet seems to have been written by a friend of the Duke of York's, and, in a merry conversation, endeavours to defend his right to the crown, and burlesque the proceedings of the parliament, which had openly opposed a popish successor to the crown of England; for which they were prorogued at first; and because the city of London, three days after, addressed his majesty for the sitting of the parliament, on the day appointed, that they might effect the great aflairs begun therein, he dissolved them by proclamation, on the eighteenth of January, and, at the same time, summoned another to meet at Oxford, the twenty-first of March, to shew his anger the more against the city of London. But, to the king's great sorrow upon the return of the writs, he found that he must meet almost all the same members at Oxford, as he had dissolved at Westminster, who now were encouraged to make a more noble stand, against all invasions on the protestant religion, and the liberties of the people; for, immediately after this parliament was new elected, they received proper instructions from their electors, and assurance to be supported in their just maintenance of the protestant cause, with their lives and fortunes. Yet the calling the parliament to sit at Oxford gave the protestant party great uneasiness, fearing that the king intended, by his soldiers, to force them to a compliance to such things, as would injure the nation; therefore the Earl of Essex, attended by fifteen lords, delivered his majesty a petition against it; declaring, amongst other reasons, that neither lords nor commons could be safe at Oxford, but would be daily exposed to the swords of the papists, and their adherents, too many of which had crept into his majesty's guards.'

The king returned no answer, but frowned upon the lords; consequently the parliament met, but the members came with armed retinues; and in particular, those for the city of London came with a numerous body of well armed horse, with ribbands in their hats, bearing this motto, No popery, no slavery.'

The first vote of this house, after chusing a speaker, was for printing the votes for the information of the people; then ordered the Exclusion-Bill to be brought in; but, after it had been once read, and none but Sir Leoline Jenkins spoke against it, the king coming on a sudden sent for the commons to the house of lords, and dissolved them, when they had sat but seven days; and called no more, but ruled, not only without a parliament, but with an absolute power.

SAM. How now Will, how comes this kindness betwixt thee and Tom, the barge-man? last time I saw you together at Dochet, you were for heaving stones at one another's heads.

Will. O, that is long since, and utterly forgot: we are now good friends.

Tom. God-a-mercy horse, this rogue Will. was tugging up stream, whilst his oars were ready to break at Way-bridge, and, seeing us come up with three good horses towing our punt, his stomach came down, and he begged most devoutly to give him a tow at Windsor; not a word of the bell-wether, or any of his usual compliments. I took mercy on the poor rogue, and let him fasten his wherry to us, and I think in my heart, the whelp has eaten us half a stone of beef to-day.

Will. Upon the honest word of a water-man, Tom, I never eat daintier beef in my life, nor better mustard, but not one mouthful of mutton was to be seen.

Tom. Sirrah, one word more of mutton, and off you go; you cannot forbear your roguery.

Sam. But, prithee, Will, whither art thou making at this time of the year?

Will. Why, faith Sam, thou knowest I follow the court for the most part, and now I am going before it, and intend to get a good birth at Oxford: acquaintance is a main matter with a water-man; besides, here is honest Tom promises me lodging at his house; and, when he goes for London, his wife and I can make as merry, as if he were gone an East-India voyage.

Tom. But, I hope, there will be another voyage found out. They say the king will make us a way west-ward to Bristol, for our barges, and has sent for Dutchmen that can make boats go by land as well as by water, and then Bristol will be London. The saucy rogues, the other day at Queen-Hithe, were ready to brain us, and threatened to fire the barges, because we belonged to Oxford. If the king would take my counsel, he should come no more amongst them, for one seven years; I would make the proud rogues know themselves better.

Sam. I am not for that, Tom, neither, for that would quite spoil our ferry; when all is done London is London.

Tom. And will be London, that is, a nest of unthankful rogues, that hate us country gentlemen, though they get all they have by us. What would London be worth, if it were not for the country? and faith, since all the wealth of the country is gotten thither, by the king's living so long amongst them, I hope his majesty will even now live in the country, till their money be brought into the country again.

Sam. I could agree well enough to all thou sayest, but only for this ferry, and that would quite be ruined, if the king should leave London.

Tom. For that, if the Dutchmen come, they will dig so many cuts to make the Thames run from our town to Bristol, I warrant thee, thou mayest get a new ferry, and better than this, upon some of those new

cuts.

Sam. But dost think the king will keep his court at Oxford any long time? I heard our parson say, for all this, the parliament would not be held at Oxford, because there was a parliament once held there, and it was a called, The mad parliament.'

Tom. Thou mayst tell the parson from me, that there have been many parliaments held at London, that have been worse than mad; and it is well, if this last was not the maddest that ever was yet.

Sam. I must confess there was a strange touse, whilst they were sit. ting: our townsmen of Windsor would have talked so, of the brave acts they were a making, and what good they would have done to the commonalty, and how they would have handled the courtiers, and abundance more than I can remember, thou wouldst have admired; but to say truth, this town of Windsor, though they be our neighbours, is as roguish a place as any is in England. If I were worthy to advise the king, I would make a great wall, betwixt the castle and the town, that should reach down to the river on the one side, and down to old Windsor on the other side, and never a gate through it, but for the king's conveniency to go a hunting into the great park, or the duke into the forest, and shut at all other times. Then would I build a new town, to entertain the king's court, should reach to the ferry.

Will. Still, still, this ferry is the burden of the song.

Sam. But, prithee Will, tell us what this parliament would have done for the good of the commonalty that is talked on so much; thou carriedst parliament-men in thy boat every day, and I know, thou hast heard all their speeches; I have heard them make speeches, as they have passed over here at our ferry-boat.

Will. Thou art in the right of that, for there is not one member (for so we call them at London) of forty, but they are still making speeches : I heard one of them make a speech to deaf Hugh, an old sculler, from Westminster stairs to the Temple. Hugh nodded at him now and then, and he went on as politickly as if he had been in the house all the while. When they landed at the Temple, where I also landed my fair, he bid Hugh give him three pence, but, wanting change, he asked me for three pence; but, I having never a three pence, says the member to Hugh, I see thou art a right Englishman, a good protestant, and, I dare say, hatest the popish successor with all thy heart, and, therefore, I will give thee the whole six-pence.

Sam. It was well he had the wit to nod at him, being he could not hear him.

Will. So it was, and that was enough; for I dare say, a nod, now and then, would have continued the speech to Gravesend. O, our water-men have thousands such stories as these of their worships; they were, for the most part, so full of it, they could not hold it in.

Sam. But, prithee Will, tell us what thou heardest they did in the house as well as out.

Will. Well, in the first place, they kept a rehearsal at the SunTavern, on the back of the Exchange, a long time before they sat. Sam. A rehearsal! what is that?

Will. Why, as the players rehearse or act over the play in the morn ing, which they intend to play in the afternoon; o did they make their speeches, and set all their matters in order in the tavern, before they met in the house.

Sam. Methinks, if it were needful for a parliament to have such a rehearsing, his majesty should provide them a place to ehearse in it is not very handsome in my mind, that the matters, which concern his majesty and the kingdom, should be meddled with in a tavern.

Will. It is very true: but the master of the house, he got well by them; and the drawers of that house are become notable boys, they can talk of state affairs, it would do your heart good to hear them; and for any thing that I know, when these boys come to set up for themselves, and keep taverns in the city, they may be the fittest men they will have to serve in parliament; they will now, as young as they are, make fine speeches to their fellow prentices, when any rout of them meets together, and have their lessons full ready on any occasion ; and will back a petition of the common hall to the purpose.'

Sam. A pox on them, it is such work as this, that makes the king leave London, and will undo us all at Dochet: but this is all still out of the house.

Will. It is impossible I should tell you a tenth part of what they did in the house; but the remembrance of men and things, they fell upon, will put me in mind best; and therefore the first, I think on, is the king's majesty, God bless him, him they cryed Nochell.

Sam. What, as Gaffer Block of our town cryed his wife?

Will. I do not know what he did, but they voted, that no body should either borrow or lend, nor sell or buy with him, under pain of their displeasure."

Sam. This is almost as ill as the parson said of the gun-powder treason-day, that the pope would have done with Queen Elisabeth, for he forbad any body to borrow or lend with her, sell or buy, eat or drink; nay, he forbad her to come in either church or market.

Will. But then, to make him amends, they took care to kill him an old lean lord at Christmas; and that is all I remember they have done for him since they met.

Sam. What did they then do?

Will. Next, they took the duke into handling.

Sam. And what would they do with him?

Will. They would have taken away his birthright; whatever he had done to them, I know not; but they were resolved to have worried him. Sam. What was it provoked them so much against him?

Will. They said he was a papist, and was for the pope and the plot ;* but the truth on it is, I think the true reason of their cruelty was, because he put his brother in mind who were, and had been rogues, and were sure to prove so in the end: and for this they would never forgive him : and, with talking with one another, they were got to that pass, they mattered not what they said; for they were permitted so long, they thought nobody durst gainsay them.

Sam. Why, I thought no man living durst have meddled with any of the blood royal.

Will. Thou art a fool; did not they behead the last king, and keep this banished a long time? And all that was still a house of commons. Sam. What would they have done with the duke, thinkest thou? Will. Hanged him if they could have catched him; but, being he was out of their reach, have taken away all his means, and all he was ever like to have, if (which God forbid) he should have survived the king.

• Oates's Plot

Sam. They were very bold.

Will. Thou mayest swear that; when the foreman of old Townsend's shop, a blind scrivener, was so bold as to speak a saucy speech against his highness.

Sam. What was he, a prentice?

Will. No, he was out of his time, and had set up for himself.

Sam. Why, I thought no such handicraftsmen had ever been chosen

members.

Will. Any body that has money to pay for drink, gentle or simple, that will spend his guineas upon some town in the west country, is good enough for I will tell thee, as I heard Squire Kite's huntsman say, that he cared not for above three or four couple of hunting dogs amongst twenty couple, so they would give their tongues, and go along with those that were hunters; no more do they, in the parliament, care whether the greatest part of their members have any wit, or none at all, so that they will vote with the old ones.

Tom. Well, though it was sore against my will, I was pressed once into the service when the duke was our admiral; and, I dare swear, never a man in the fleet had a better heart than he.

Will. Pox on you, rogue, you staid but one bout, and run away; but we that staid, and were in both the Holland's wars, know the duke well enough; and let them do what they will at Westminster, I am sure all the seamen and watermen in England will be for him, against any body, but the king, God bless him.

Tom. And, I am sure, he will never be a rebel, as many of those, that are his enemies, have been.

Will. Rebel! they would like him better, if he would stand in the king's face, and do what he pleased, whether the king pleased or not. Doest not see how they love D. M.* for coming home, whether the king would or no?

Tom. Well, I hope to see the duke at Oxford, and there he will be welcome, I dare say, let London and the devil say what they will.

Sam. For London, surely, it is not London that does all these ill things you talk of.

Tom. Thou art in the right of that, for I never heard that the houses met together to petition or raise tumults; there is no fault in the place ; it is some roguish people that live in it, whom nothing will ever make better subjects than they have been: I have known them long enough. Sam. But prithee, Will, go on with thy story.

Will. Now I think on it, I should have told you, that I am now going to say, first of all, that is, what they would have done about the church; for 1 have heard the church should take place of both the king and the duke.

Sam. Ay, but not of the law, for I know a wise man, as any in Buckinghamshire, an attorney, that says, that the law was above both church and king..

Will. Why then, according to that rule, I should first have begun with the law.

The Duke of Monmouth.