WILDERNESS MERCIES.

LETTER X.

Chequered as the pathway of God's people appears, every line was laid down from all eternity, though we know not a step of the road till we come at it. New difficulties, sorrows, and joys, will ever arise while here, in order to call our attention to Him who overrules all things for the best; the history of all the redeemed throughout time will prove the truth thereof: and as it is my mercy to follow a Divine Providence, so I desire to write for the honour and glory of the Lord's great name. After I had finished my allotted time with my new employer, everything for awhile appeared to be at a complete stand, and all my money was gone. I had been favoured with great joy and comfort in my soul, but this did not provide future for the body; and as faith hitherto with me had not been much tried, the outward cross laid before me, and necessity compelled me to take it up. And here I remark, God can make the most trivial thing become a mountain, when it is to enhance his glorious name, and prove a good to his chosen.

In my then present situation, darkness about temporal matters began to increase, and my mind seemed to give way to a host of intruders which stood ready to step in to mar my comfort. At length I set off in search of employ, but did not succeed, and began to droop more in my feelings day by day; nor was the enemy at a loss to suggest to me the wrong of leaving my master for the truth's sake. Ah! Satan is a wily foe. I was then at a tender age, and he well knew how to apply his temptations. Struggling with many hopes and fears, I at length thought of my old master the farmer, and made up my mind to go and ask him to give me employ; yet remembering my religion now must place a lasting barrier between us, as I knew he would not if he kept his word, have anything to do with "scramblers." This was reasoning after the flesh; this was my infirmity, to look away from the promise of the Lord to his people. As I approached his dwelling I saw him in his yard, spoke to him, and was invited in; he seemed glad to see me, called his spouse, who when she saw me, was agreeably surprised, and after a little explanation of matters relative to myself, I told them my object in calling, and immediately was promised work. Who will now say this my step to his house was not ordered by the Lord? A wicked man raised up to supply my wants in the needy moment. Dear Christian reader, carry all your wants before the Lord, he will supply you in the midst of trial.

I cannot omit one little circumstance which happened before I left the farmer's house. He was at that time in want of some turnip seed,

and told me there was a man in the village who had some to part with; but he was one of those "scramblers" and "jacobin" sort which he hated to have anything to do with. This spoke volumes to me, but I made no reply; but offered to go to the person and get the seed, to which he agreed: but told me to be sure the villain did not cheat me, for he was sure the rascal would if he could. All this kept revolving in my mind, as I thought I must soon come in for my share of persecution from the same quarter. Having procured the seed, I went to work the next morning upon the farm I had many times before passed over. Now I was happy in my soul, now I counted the reproaches of God's Israel greater riches than all the treasures of men; and waited for the first attack I might meet with from the enemy, which soon appeared, only I had the blessing before hand. One day being in a meadow helping to make hay, through which a path ran across, I saw nearly twenty persons, and as they drew near, I beheld they were my brothers and sisters in the Lord; and as they passed by, the workfolk began to shout aloud at them—this was offered in contempt. I stood for a minute to consider what to do, and instantly threw down my rake and started after them, and had my share of abuse also. When I reached my own company, for truly they were my dear companions, I learned they were going to hear a clergyman of the Church of England preach in a barn about three miles distant. This was against the bishop's order, but he dared to be faithful-his name was Hern. When we got to the place it was crowded to excess, even the inside beams on high were full of persons sitting across. It was an imposing scene. His text was, if I remember, "I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ." After the sermon was ended, many of us shook hands and parted; but on our way home our company halted at a friend's house, where we joined in prayer and sang the high praises of the Lamb. We continued to an early hour next morning, and I think I went to work as soon as I got home. This was sweet living upon gospel fare, and walking in love with the saints. My debts were all discharged, discontent all removed, my wants well supplied, and I thought and said, as Ruth did to Naomi, "The Lord do so to me and more also, if aught but death part thee and me." When I went to meals I wanted no food, and when I sat at table with others, my mind was far away, seeking more substantial meat. And if I was sent for one thing, sometimes I brought another; and if laughed at or blamed, it was all one to me. When the Sabbath was ended, I longed for the next; and if I had a sixpence to spare I was eager to give it to some dear old sister or brother who I thought needed it more than I did: love in exercise in my breast could think no ill. But to return.

When I got to my work, oh how the devil did roar out in my master and the different agents employed under him. After Saturday night I was to be paid off, and he bound his word with many oaths. The men jeered, and the women in the hayfield called me a deceitful scamp. And when I went to the house, my mistress said she did not think I could have served my master so bad as to leave my work and run away

the Lord to manage for me.

at so busy a time; to which I made but little answer, but left it for Saturday night came, but nothing was said to me, and I praised the Lord for this delivering mercy. O how well it is to watch the hand of God when all things seem to be against us, and everything wears a gloomy appearance. Shortly harvest drew near, and the devil was not at a loss to distress me by the ill conduct I received from one of the men, who made it his study to torture my feelings from morning till night; but some few years afterwards this poor fellow sinner was caught in the gospel net, and said he had grieved much when he thought how he used to persecute me. I believe he is still alive, having in the year 1840 visited the identical spot, and walked over the fields I had laboured upon more than forty years before, where I met with his son, in whose hands I left a trifle for his father, desiring him to say, it was from a person who once as a poor lad he had treated ill at the bean stack. There was another man in the harvest, a confirmed deist, who said the Bible had a wrong name, as it should more properly be called, "a by bill "-to be laid aside, as it was not fit to be read by people of enlightened reason. But poor deluded wretch, his reason did not prevent him a few years after from hanging himself. O bless the Lord for his free grace made known to me. Yet through these instruments of iniquity, I was brought to suffer much for several days. I was one day pitching beans from off the wagon, high up to the stack. The weather being very hot, the perspiration ran down me like water, and I felt myself ready to drop. This old agent of the devil said I was lazy; and the more I endeavoured to work faster, they all took advantage of it, and still urged me to proceed. I became excited, and in a moment lost temper, and said, the beans, and you too." This was enough, they had gained their object, Satan triumphed, and I fell a prey to sin and reproach outwardly. And oh, what the dreadful state of my mind was I

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never can express.

Revolting as this statement will appear to a pharisee, the child of God who feels his own weakness will be ready to draw a veil over human frailty; not to extenuate my departure from Christian rectitude, but rather to extol the love of Jesus in restoring goodness. Fall the child of God may, but it is not his habitual desire to live in sin. And here I choose to notice this my fall, with confession of ten thousand others since that time; but not one of them has been "to sin that grace might abound." The tender plant that grows up and lives upon its root, that draws life from above and beneath, is subject to many rough winds and storms that suddenly may blow upon it. And this is the true state of the Christian while in this imperfect world. Satan, the great accuser, whose capacious powers of fallen intellectuality continually burns with rage to harpoon and destroy the peace of the Lord's family, had now so far effected his hellish purpose upon me, who like a poor lamb laid bound for slaughter. But, oh praise to the wonders of grace, his power is limited, he shall not prevail. Though I found the words of James to be true," the tongue is an unruly member, and is

set on fire of hell;" for I had a hell within, a sword that had pierced into my bowels, and the shame of it was more than I could bear, while the enemies took pleasure in my agony. But oh the goodness, the compassion, and tender love of my dear Lord, he did not shut out my prayer, but turned to me again and healed the wound. How intricate are the steps of the saints in this wilderness, and how diversified the divine dealings with them; one wave of sorrow breaks over another, and rolls in upon the mind and circumstances to make their sojourn at best but a vale of tears; a land of pits and snares to pass through, unable to tell what a day may bring forth-" sufficient for the day is the evil thereof"-and the good, too. Nor shall there ever be a want of the Lord's watchful eye towards his redeemed. He fits the back for the wind and tempest, which is to beat upon the weary traveller bound for the skies.

I had a year before me big with events and I think the Israel of God in Egypt could not suffer more than I did. As Michaelmas drew near, I resolved if possible again to go into the milling trade, and accordingly soon found a master, who professed Christianity. Here I built many castles in the air, concluding how happy, how pleasant, and delightful it would be to live with a gracious man. This is I think a prevalent idea with the young Christian, endeavouring if possible to live with a gracious master and mistress; and as frequently their expectations are disappointed. But if obtained, human nature in the one or the other, soon convinces them it is impossible to find a rose without a thorn. But I found a thorn without the rose, and a bitter without a single sweet. As for domestic comfort, there was none; brutality, cruelty, and hatred to each other, were the leading features subsisting between my master and his wife, whom he had engaged himself to love. The winter set in early, and I had generally to work in the mill nearly all night, and was out with the cart all day; and have come home almost frozen with cold, and often was not able to stand on my feet. But the Lord, who giveth songs in the night, did not leave me; but would sometimes balance my hard lot with some sweet promise and smile of his tender regard, so that in this forlorn situation my poor head was kept above water, and I sang his praise in a strange land. Besides, I felt it a sweet privilege when out in the daytime, now and then to meet with some dear old pilgrim with whom and to whom I could unbosom my burdened mind, and talk a little about the good things; then my outward cross was wholly forgotten, and I set up my sweet Ebenezers. My mistress was given to drink, which I believe was occasioned by the ill treatment she received from her husband. Poor woman! I could but pity her, when I saw the cause of her propensity to indulge in the use of ardent spirits to drown grief which surpasses all description. Suffice it to say, the continual strife and unhappy conduct manifested between this jarring pair, so rang in my ears, as to make me groan out temporally an existence as miserable well nigh as a mortal could bear. This was the gracious man who went to hear the gospel, sat as God's people sat, and left the earthly

sanctuary with Christian regard in the eyes of many. But let me draw a shade over the darker parts of the subject-"I could a tale unfold." In the early part of the spring I drew a part of my wages, for I had agreed with him for one year; this my poor mistress robbed me of, and my master never repaid me. No, justice was not listened to, and equity had no avail with him; and I put up with the loss. It was a thorny and a dreary year of my life to wade through. The church of God in the wilderness must have wilderness fare; for when sin had laid the fair fabric in ruins, then sprang up every ill to produce sorrow and travel. So it is and must be to the end of time; and yet how few there be who understand the design of Jehovah's will therein. Two things, however, have many times drawn out my attention to the overruling of moral evil for good; in the display of the Lord's mercy on the one side, and the grace and patience he endues his people with on the other that out of all their trials they are brought daily to behold goodness alone to centre in Him. "Out of the eater came forth meat, and out of the strong came forth sweetness." And thus at every stage of our experience, new trials will bring out some new blessing from our heavenly Father's love. This gives fresh encouragement and strength to go forward while in the midst of conflicts, the battle daily increasing, and our weakness made more manifest.

I had at this time much to put up with, and to pass through a sea of affliction and want; but the Lord threw a secret shield around me while I tarried with this awful professor. This poor creature would sometimes attend to what is called "family duty," and for a time appear very sanctimonious; and to those who knew him not was esteemed a believer. The devil has tens of thousands of such now, who wear religious garments to deceive-he is gone to his account. If it was the Lord's will that he found mercy ere he departed this life, all must be ascribed to sovereign favour; death removes the mask from all faces,` and the heart calloused by religious iniquity, can no longer abide the scrutinizing eye of the Eternal Judge. Blessed thought! the daysman, the Mediator, God's Fellow, shall ever appear for his redeemed. Their song here begins, and hereafter shall be perfect. The shouting top-stone note will soon take place, in which I hope to join my part to him who has loved me and washed me in his own most precious blood. Sweet consideration-all is of grace; the covenant sure, the oath immutable, the bond sealed, and the life I live in the flesh is by faith on the Son of God: so that living or dying, both (with dear Zion at large) may say, "We are the Lord's."

Essex.

J. G.