known, spoken to, or even looked at, for contributions of anything they can give us, or tell us, concerning him."

"And then, Sir," interposed Miss Nix, "we must not forget to apply to the members of the club held at the Cock and Bottle,' at which he was a constant attendant."

“ Well reminded, Mem; excellent! That will furnish us with our 'Table-talk,' Bon-mots,'' Opinions,'-in short, Mem, our 'Nixiana.' And, now, Mem, to a very important point: that portion of your late gallant father's life which may more strictly be termed public-his military career: that portion of it, indeed, when he served in the Little Pedlington Loyal Volunteers; and which, as it ought to be the most stirring period of it (as we say), so will the public look with the most intense expectations to that."

"These Journals and papers, Sir," replied the lady," contain all that can be required concerning it."

"With respect to his private life, his domestic habits, Mem, you, of course, can tell much of a very interesting nature," said Yawkins.

"O, yes, Sir," replied the afflicted orphan, bursting into tears, "much, much. For instance, Sir: he was the best of fathers."

"Aye, no doubt, Mem," said Yawkins, looking into the fire with an air of disappointment. "But, begging your pardon, Mem, if that is all of the kind you have to tell, I really don't think the public will be very much interested about it."

"All, Sir!" exclaimed the lady; "O, no; for I have often heard my poor, dear, departed mother say, he was the tenderest of husbands." 66 Again, Mem, with submission, I really do not think that even that would be very likely to ----

“ And our Betty, Sir, who has been with us for years, will tell you that he was the kindest of masters."

“ Charming, charming, indeed, Mem! and will tell amazingly well on a tombstone," said Yawkins; "but I doubt whether that will be sufficient for a book. The truth is, the Little-Pedlingtonians have been used to such high-seasoned narratives that I fear they would not relish those little details, beautiful as they are. However, Mem, we will reserve that portion of the work for your consideration when your mind shall be more at ease. And now, Mem, if you please, we will see whether we can agree as to terms, for it will be of the greatest importance to get the book out instantly."

"Instantly, Sir!" exclaimed Miss Nix, with a look of extreme astonishment," instantly! instantly! Why, Sir, the book cannot possibly be brought out, in such a manner as a life of my father ought to be, in less than two years. And, indeed, Sir, that is the opinion of the ، Little Pedlington Weekly Observer.""

"Two years, Mem!" exclaimed Yawkins, in return. "Two years! I beg pardon, a thousand pardons: it is true the ، Weekly Observer ' does say two years; but if you had taken the trouble to finish the sentence, Mem, you would have found that that intelligent writer changes his opinion, and says six weeks, or two months, at the longest. Two years! Why, Mem, not to speak disparagingly of your illustrious father, I assure you that the great Rummins himself, our immortal antiquary, was scarcely thought of six months after his death; so that when, at length, nine months after that ever-to-be-lamented event, Jubb came forward with his Life and Times'-with which, by-the-by, he

ought to have been ready within three months of it-the work fell dead flat never did, and never will, Mem, pay paper and print." "But how, Sir," inquired Miss Nix, with amazement, "how is a work in two volumes quarto to be got out in six weeks?" "Two volumes quarto, Mem!" exclaimed Yawkins: "monstrous! preposterous! Such a thing was never conceived."

"Begging your pardon, Sir," replied Miss Nix; "but the Weekly Observer' is decidedly of opinion that there must be two quarto volumes." Again, my dear Mem, if you had but taken the trouble to read to the end of the sentence you would have perceived that that infallible instructor is again altogether of a different opinion with himself, and recommends a small duodecimo."

“Then, no doubt, he is right," said Miss Nix; "but on which side I cannot, and never could, for the life of me, tell. However, Sir, I leave those points to your better judgment. But this one point is clear: the work must be edited by Jubb, for the Little Pedlington Weekly Observer' says

"I know very well what he says, Mem," replied Yawkins; "but the dev-I beg pardon, but I must speak out-the devil of it is to make out what he means. No, no, Mem; Hoppy, who wrote our Guidebook, the most profitable book I ever published-the celebrated Hoppy is the man for the purpose.'

"But there is Mr. Humphrey Grubs," said Miss Nix, "who is so strongly recommended for the task by Mr. Fiat of the Dictator.' Why not confide it to him ?"

"O, no, Mem,” replied Yawkins, " that would never do. Mr. Humphrey Grubs is one of Mr. Fiat's pet master-spirits (as he calls them), of whom nobody else in the world ever heard, except for his giving good dinners. Mr. Fiat, who, as you know, Mem, is a patron in his small way, and a maker of reputations on the shortest notice, is evidently working upon one for Mr. Humphrey Grubs. But it won't do, Mem: to use a favourite phrase of your poor departed father's, he is" coming it too strong:" he makes so many, and turns them out of hand so fast, that they scarcely ever wear through a season. Besides, Mem, they are such preposterous mis-fits! His giants' garments hang so loosely about the shoulders of his pigmies, that after strutting about in them for a month or two they themselves are ashamed to be seen in them. O, no, Mem; Mr. Hoppy before the world. And now, if you please, Mem, to the essential-the terms."

"Why, Sir," with some hesitation said the lady, "the Weekly Observer' says though I own I read only the commencement of that sentence-the Weekly Observer' says something about five-and-twenty pounds."

"And I, Mem," replied Yawkins, "read only the conclusion, which says something about ten pounds.'

"O, dear me, that is quite out of the question," said Miss Nix; and, bursting into tears, she continued: "The affliction that has befallen me has so completely unnerved me-my heart-my mind-my spirits, that I am incapable of entering into a question concerning such a thing as money; but, really, I cannot think of taking so little as ten pounds. Besides, to be candid with you, Sir, this very morning Mr. Sniggerstone sent me a very advantageous offer."

Mr. Yawkins's only reply to this was a short cough.

"And to be candid with you, Sir, I have received from Mr. Snargate one much more so. But, to be candid with you, I would rather the book should be ushered into the world by the publisher of such works as Jubb's Pedlingtonia,' Rummins's Antiquities of Little Pedlington,' and Hoppy's Guide,' even though it cost me some pecuniary sacrifice." "Thank you, Mem, for the preference," said Yawkins, with a bowno matter for what he thought. "And now," continued he, “I know nothing about the persons you have named, or their offers; but this I do know they are neither of them monied men." (And here, with an air of importance, he drew a cheque-book from his pocket.) "Now, in one word: I will give you five pounds-for the ten pounds talked about by the Weekly Observer' is madness, Mem, madness-I will give you five pounds for those materials, and take all the trouble, risk, and expense of publishing upon myself-editing and all, Mem."

Now, though Yawkins knew nothing about the offers made by Sniggerstone and Snargate, the lady did; so that the sight of the chequebook had the effect of striking her into an almost immediate compliance with Yawkins's. She hesitated, however, for about seven seconds; and again bursting into tears, and lamenting her incapacity (occasioned by the state of her mind, nerves, and so forth) to higgle and haggle, as she expressed it, she said that, in one word, Mr. Yawkins should have the materials provided he would make the pounds guineas. After some discussion, throughout which the afflicted mourner resolutely maintained her point, guineas were agreed to; and the lady's eyes sparkled through her tears with joy as Yawkins handed her a cheque for the amount upon the Little Pedlington bank. Miss Nix rang for Betty; the journals and papers were thrown into a washing-basket; and Betty was instantly despatched with them to Mr. Yawkins's house.

"And now, Mem," said Yawkins, as he rose to depart, "I trust that in a short time we shall get out a nice little book."

"What, Sir!" exclaimed Miss Nix, with astonishment; "out of that prodigious mass of papers you talk of making a little book!”

"O, Mem," replied Yawkins, " manuscript, Mem, is very deceptive: it prints down amazingly, Mem: it is like spinach, Mem: a very large basket-full of which will furnish but a very small dish for the table."

"Now, Mr. Yawkins," said Miss Nix, "I have two or three stipulations to make. That portrait of my gallant father"-(here she pointed to a drawing which hung over the mantel-piece)" in the act of firing off a cannon, and enveloped in smoke, was taken when he served in the Volunteers: it must be engraved as a frontispiece to the book."

"It shall be so, Mem," said Yawkins.

"And also his profile, in black, by Daubson. And then, Sir, you will find amongst the papers my father's Personal Narrative of his walking, for a wager, all the way from this place to Poppleton-End: there must be a map of his route."

"That," said Yawkins, "is indispensable."

"And a fac-simile of one of his letters," continued Miss Nix. "The book could not appear without it," said Yawkins.

"And you must impress upon Mr. Hoppy the necessity of descanting largely upon my excellent father's virtues, and of avoiding, by all means in the world, the slightest allusion, in any way whatever, to a single one of his faults, failings, or foibles."

"O, Mem," replied Yawkins, "Mr. Hoppy will understand all that

as matter of course.'

"And, pray, Sir, conjure him, whilst writing the life of my illustrious father, constantly to bear in mind what is due to Little Pedlington, and to the memory of such a man as the late Captain Pomponius Nix, L.P.L.V."

These stipulations having been all complied with, and Miss Nix promising to apprize him of any others which might hereafter occur to her, Mr. Yawkins took his leave.

No sooner had Yawkins reached home than he despatched a messenger to Mr. Hoppy to request his immediate attendance at the Market-square Library. Mr. Hoppy's lodgings being only at the other end of the town, in about five minutes he made his appearance. Fortunately, this not being what he called one of his "dancing-days"-that is to say, one of those days on which he was wont to instruct the young ladies and gentlemen of Little Pedlington in the poetry of motion-he was enabled, conjointly with Mr. Yawkins, to devote the remainder of it to the inspection of the Nix Papers. The result of their labours was satisfactory in the highest degree. It was found that out of those papers, together with such letters of the Captain's, and such information concerning him, and anecdotes of him, as might be obtained from his numerous friends and associates, a book might be produced which should form an invaluable addition to the biographical literature of the country. And, in consideration of the sum of seven-pounds-ten, this book, Felix Hoppy, Esq., Master of the Ceremonies, undertook to supply. The following advertisement was immediately issued:

IMPORTANT NEW WORK.

In the Press, and speedily will be published,

In One Volume duodecimo, price eighteen-pence, embellished with a capital whole-length Portrait, engraved by SCRAPE, after a Drawing by DABWASH, and an elegant Profile in black, by SCRATCH, after DAUBSON, ornamented with a fac-simile letter, and illustrated by an accurate Map, THE LIFE, TIMES, AND CORRESPONDENCE; AUTOBIOGRAPHY, PERSONAL NARRATIVE, JOURNALS, AND LITERARY REMAINS;

OPINIONS, TABLE-TALK, AND REMINISCENCES

OF THE LATE

CAPTAIN POMPONIUS NIX, L. P. L. V.

TOGETHER WITHI

Copious Appendices, and Notices of the eminent Men with whom
he flourished.

EDITED BY FELIX HOPPY, ESQ., M.C.,

And Author of the "Little Pedlington Guide."

N.B. A limited number of copies on large paper will be struck off, with proof impressions of the plates, price Two Shillings. For these an early application is requested.

YAWKINS: LITTLE PEDLINGTON.

*

At length THE BOOK IS OUT.

My friend, little Jack Hobbleday, tells me, in a confidential whisper

that Mr. Fiat intends to "cut it up" in the next number of the "Dictator," for the reason that Mr. Humphrey Grubs, Mr. Fiat's Little Unknown, his last-manufactured eighth wonder of the world, was not employed to produce it, agreeably to the desire of the Aristarchus of Little Pedlington. But, had Humphrey Grubs been intrusted with it! -then, O ye Gods! you should have seen what you should have seen! On the other hand, it is to be vehemently praised in every alternate sentence of an article which is to appear in the "Weekly Observer”— the intervening sentences being charged with the counteracting duties of the "Buts," the "Yets," the "Thoughs," the "Neverthelesses," and the "Notwithstandings," according to the practice invariably variable, and consistently inconsistent, of the unerring critic of that journal. In the mean time, my large-paper copy of the work, beautifully hot-pressed, price two shillings, lying before me, I will notice two or three of its most important or most interesting passages.

Mr. Hoppy opens a remarkably well-written preface with the following sensible observations:

"If, from the days of Adam to the present hour, the biography of every person who was of vast importance in the estimation of himself, his grandmother, or his great aunt, or of his own little clique or his own little club, had been given to the world; I pronounce it to be my settled belief that the biography of every person who had lived and died within that period would have been written, and, consequently, that the world would have been full of nothing in the world but books of biography. This being admitted, I have little hesitation in saying that amongst that prodigious number there might have been, here and there, one not altogether calculated to interest the general reader. The selection of subjects became, therefore, in some degree, necessary. But although the most rigid caution has been exercised in this respect, it has, nevertheless, happened once in half a century, or so, that "Memoirs," or the "Life and Times," of some eminent and distinguished personage whom few people knew, and fewer cared about, have made their appearance in the world, and which, by the way, the world has very "willingly let die." Upon two grounds, however, occasional infractions of the rule may be excused: the first, i. e.: the biographer being bound by the will of an individual deceased either to write his "Life" or relinquish a good legacy; the second, viz.: the biographer owing the deceased a grudge: -this manner of revenge being the most exquisite that the ingenious malignity of man has ever yet contrived. But far different is the case when the voice of PEDLINGTONIA calls upon the biographer to write a record of a Rummins, or narrate the Notabilia of a Nix! And this reflection naturally forces the compiler of the present work to tremble at the bare idea of the responsibility he has undertaken: to shrink into himself when he measures his own limited powers with the gigantic dimensions of the subject he has been called upon to employ them upon; and—with the latest posterity in his mind's eye awaiting the descent of the hero of his pages-to recoil upon himself with awe at the thought of his humble pen being unable adequately to come up to the task of carrying him down. And, yet, on the other hand, when he reflects upon the indulgence, nay, he is proud to say, approbation, with which his "Guide-book" was received, he is emboldened to hope that

* In short, Mr. Hoppy goes on, as is usual in similar cases of apology, till he feels himself emboldened to hope that his "Life and