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and snow. I do like, when all within
qualis eram, quum prinam aciema is snug and warm, to hear the raging
Præneste sub ipsa tempest and warring elements with Stravi, scutorumque incendi victor acervos ; out. *
Et regem hâc Herilum dextrâ sub TartaIt would be endless for me to de
ra misi !!"! scribe all my after voyages and travels. And in some evil hour my time must Suffice it to say, I have been both east and west, north and south, and there I am well aware, indeed, of the is scarcely a part of the habitable globe fleeting existence even of this world which I have not visited. After all, itself, for I studied astronomy with I have come to this conclusion, that the celebrated M. Olbers of Bremen, there is no country like Britain. Oh! and assisted him in making many useful how I could wish my human exista observations and discoveries, particuence had been in such happy times larly regarding comets, in the course of and under such glorious sovereigns as which we came to this melancholy a George the Third, and George the conclusion, that the comet which was Fourth !!!
afterwards visible in 1786 and 1795,|| For some years I have remained in will, in 83,000 years, approach the this country, enjoying (like a patrie earth as nearly as the moon; and that arch of old) a quiet regular life with my in 4,000,000 years it will come to withfamily,t which now amounts to above in a distance of 7700 geographical 2000. I, however, keep very much to miles ;—the consequence of which will my own room, as I hate bustle, and be (if its attraction be equal to that of like to enjoy my own reflections. the earth) the elevation of the waters
The age to which our species can of the ocean 13,000 feet ; that is to exist is not ascertained, as never one say, above the tops of all the Euroof us was known to die in his bed, at pean mountains, except Mont Blanc. least a natural death. A kind of in- The inhabitants of the Andes and of stinct, I have always had, has as yet the Himalaya mountains alone will saved me from arsenic, stewed corks, escape this second deluge ; but they traps, stamps, &c.; and my great will not benefit by their
good fortune strength, and a good deal of science, more than 216,000,000 years, for it is which is of more consequence, have as probable, that at the expiration of that yet preserved me in many a deadly time, our Globe, standing right in the combat, both with my own species, way of the Comet, will receive a shock and with the dog, the ferret, the wea- severe enough to insure its utter desel, the hawk, and that green-eyed struction !!! monster--the cat. But I am now geta I never, however, allow those meting somewhat stiffer, and am not so lancholy thoughts to discompose me. sharp as I was. I am not
What must be-must be. If we were
The Canadian Musk-R-t belongs to the same country with the beaver, and in their dispositions and instincts they have considerable resemblance to each other. The huts of the Canadian Musk-R-t are, I have no doubt, exceedingly comfortable. They are built in a circular form, are generally two stories in height, and the walls, and roof (which is always in the form of a dome,) are so strongly cemented with earth, which they plaster with their feet, that they are never annoyed with even the slightest dampness. Vide Descript. de l'Amer. Septent. par Denys, tom. II. p. 124. Nat. Hist. des Antilles, tom. II. p. 302, &c.-EDITOR.
+ An old R-t is reckoned by his family to be terribly tyrannical and cruel, but luckily for them he keeps much by himself.' Vide Buffon, vol. IV. Goldsmith's Nat. Hist. p. 162.-Rats multiply so prodigiously, that were it not that they are a universally proscribed animal, and receive quarter from neither man nor beast, nor even from one another, it is calculated the world itself could not contain them. From one pair, 1,000,000 may be propagated in two years. Vide Buffon, Querhoënt, &c. I don't myself pretend to know any thing of the natural history of the species, but a learned Muricidus of my acquaintance told me, that he was of opinion the water r-t was fast driving the old brown let out of this country. EDITOR.
# Æneid, lib. viii. v. 561.-EDITOR.
Š From not knowing the date of this manuscript, we cannot with certainty calculate the exact period when this most awful catastrophe will take place. EDITOR,
always thinking of evils to come, it vidence for the many blessings we enwould take away every enjoyment of joy. My maxim has always been with life. Let us rather endeavour to fulHorace fil all our duties to the best of our
Carpe diem, quam minimùm credula power, and let us be grateful to Pro
After reading over the above MS., I am inclined to come to this conclusion that our historian, while in a buman form, must have been a Scottish nobleman—that he probably was born about the year 1501-and that he lived to about the age of 89.
So many different Acts were passed in Scotland, relative to burying in linen, that they can be of little use in my biographical sketch : But the Dinner Act, which our historian so pathetically laments, is well known to have been passed on the 1st of February, 1551, and this is of very great importance in establishing a date, and also in pointing out the status in society which he held; for the six dishes, to which he complains of being restricted, were what was allowed to abbots, lords, priors, and deans, and I am not inclined to think he was a churchman. But it will be observed, that our historian mentions remembering the old Comte de Strasbourg, who, I believe, died in the year 1519– also that he talks of the grandfather of Tillotson, as his friend. Archbishop Tillotson was born in the year 1630-Supposing his grandfather to have been 70 years older, he would be born in the year 1560. If our historian was eighteen when the Count died, he might easily have known the Archbishop's grandfather, as a young man, (himself being an old one,) as will at once be seen by calculation.
I wish our historian had rather given us his recollections of his own proper times, than of his more modern visit to this earth-Living, as he seems to have done, in the troublous times of James V., Queen Mary, and her son, his life must have been one full of interest, though I fear by no means a happy oneone which it would be pleasanter to read of than to have led. I am sure it was with the greatest sincerity he wished he had run his human course in our own more fortunate days. Perchance his wish is now accomplished; for as from the relic of the cauda, it is probable that his sorexian course is at last concluded, it is impossible to say what new form his frank and kindly spirit may now animate. Would that I could discover him in a human shape, and it would be my utmost endeavour to gain his friendship. It would, perhaps, give me some claim to that happiness that I have been the humble means of laying his narrative before the reader, whose most obedient servant I have the honour to subscribe myself.
Nicol Nemo, LL.D.* Edinburgh, September 1828.
* Nicol Nemo begs leave to state, that he is in no way related to the Scots family of Nobody's, who get the credit of so much mischief.
A crown of victory! a triumphal song!
A trumpet's note is in the sky, in the glorious Roman sky,
Yet his chariot lingers,
'Midst the joy of Rome.
Peace! within his chamber,
And a wandering in his eyes.
Yes, for him, the victor,
For a soul about to go!
Shut the proud bright sunshine
Save the holy taper's light.
Silence !-forth we bring him,
* Tasso died at Rome on the day before that appointed for his coronation in the Capitol
THE SHAVING SHOP.
"Tis not an half hour's work
“ Hold back your head, if you how it glides over, smooth and smack please, sir, that I may get this napkin as your hand.-Keep still, sir, I might properly fastened—there now,” said have given you a nick just now.-You Toby Tims, as, securing the pin, he don't choose a leetle of the mustachy dipped his razor into hot water, and left ?" began working up with restless brush “No, no-off with it all. No mathe lather of his soap-box.
trimonial news stirring in this quare “I dare say you have got a news ter just now, Mr Tims?” paper there ?" said I;
are you a po- Nothing extremely particular. litician, Mr Tims?”
Now, sir, you are fit for the King's “ Oh, just a little bit of one. I get levee, so far as my department is conBell's Messenger at second hand from cerned. But you cannot go out just a neighbour, who has it from his cou. now, sir-see how it rains-a perfect sin in the Borough, who, I believe, is water-spout. Just feel yourself at the last reader of a club of fourteen, home, sir, for a leetle, and take a peep who take it among them; and, being around you. That block, sir, has been last, as I observed, sir, he has the pas very much admired-extremely like per to himself into the bargain.--Please the Wenus de Medicine--capital nose exalt your chin, sir, and keep your and as for the wig department, catch head a little to one side-there, sir," me for that, sir. But of all them there added Toby, commencing his opera- pictures hanging around, yon is the tions with the brush, and hoarifying favourite of myself and the connesmy barbal extremity, as the facetious Thomas Hood would probably express Ay, Mr Tims,” said I, “ that is it. Now, sir-a leetle more round, truly a gem-an old lover kneeling at if you please-there, sir, there. It is the foot of his young sweetheart, and a most entertaining paper, and beats two fellows in buckram taking a peep all for news. In fact, it is full of every at them from among the trees.” thing, sir-every, every thing--acci- “Capital, sir-capital. I'll tell you dents- charity sermons-markets a rare good story, sir, connected with boxing-Bible societies-horse-racing that picture and my own history, with -child-murders—the theatres— fo- your honour's leave, sir." reign wars—Bow-street reports-elec- “ With all my heart, Mr Timstioneering - and Day and Martin's you are very obliging.' blacking."
“Well then, sir, take that chair, and “ Are you a bit of a bruiser, Mr I will get on like a house on fire; but Tims?"
if you please, don't put meoff my clew, Oh, bless your heart, sir, only a sir.-Concerning that picture and my leetle-á very leetle. A turn-up with courtship, the most serious epoch of the gloves, or so, your honour.--I'm my life, there is a leetle bit of a story but a light weight-only a light weight which I would like to be a beacon to -seven stone and a half, sir ; but a others; and if your honour is still a rare bit of stuff, though I say it my- bachelor, and not yet stranded on the self, sir-Begging your pardon. I dare shoals of matrimony, it may be Wersay I have put some of the soap into bum sapienti, as O'Toole the Irish your mouth. Now, sir, now-please schoolmaster used to observe, when in let me hold your nose, sir."
the act of applying the birch to the “Scarcely civil, Mr Toby," said I, booby's back. “ scarcely civil-Phroo ! let me spit “Well, sir, having received a grama out the suds."
matical education, and been brought “I will be done in a moment, sir- up as a peruke-maker from my earliest in half a moment. Well, sir, speake years—besides having seen a deal of ing of razors, they should be always high life, and the world in general, properly tempered with hot water, a in carrying false curls, bandeaux, and leelle dip more or less. You see now other artificial head-gear parapherna
lia, in bandboxes to boarding-schools, occupied private state-lodgings at the and so on-a desire naturally sprung sign of the Blue Boar in the Poultry, up within me, being now in my twene and who afterwards decamped withty-first year, and worth a guinea a- out clearing scores)—the second elite, week of wages, to look about for what (for I make a point, sir, of having old kind Seignor Fiddle-stringo the two strings to my bow,) was Mrs minuet-master used to recommend un- Joan Sweetbread, a person of exqui. der the title of a cara sposa-open shop site parts, but fiery temper, at that and act head frizzle in an establish- time aged thirty-three, twelve stone ment of my own.
weight, head cook and housekeeper to “ Very good, sir-In the pursuit of Sir Anthony Macturk, a Scotch bathis virtuous purpose, I cast a sheep's ronet, who rusticated in the vicinity eye over the broad face of society, and of town. I made her a few evening at length, from a number of eligible visits, and we talked love affairs over specimens, I selected three, who, whe- muffins and a cup of excellent congou. ther considered in the light of natural Then what a variety of jams and jelbeauty, or mental accomplishment, lies! I never returned without a dis. struck me forcibly as suitable coadju- ordered stomach, and wishing Hightors for a man-for a man like your land heather-honey at the devil
. Yet, humble servant.”
after all, to prove a hoax !--for even “ A most royal bow that, Mr Tims. when I was on the point of popping Well, proceed, if you please."
the question, and had fastened my silk “ Very good, sir,--well, then, to Jem Belcher with a knowing leetle proceed. The first of these was Miss knot to set out for that purpose, I Diana Tonkin, a young lady, who learned from Francie, the stable-boy, kept her brother's snuff-shop, at the that she had the evening before eloped sign of the African astride the Tobacco with the coachman, and returned to Barrel-a rare beauty, who was on her post that forenoon metamorphosed the most intimate talking terms with into Madam Trot. half a hundred young bloods and “ I first thought, sir, of hanging beaux, who looked in during lounging myself over the first lamp-post; but, hours, being students of law, physic, after a leetle consideration, I deter. and divinity, half-pay ensigns, and mined to confound Madam Trot, and theatrical understrappers, to replenish all other fickle fair ones, by that very their boxes with Lundyfoot, whiff a night marrying Miss Diana. I hasHavannah cigar, or masticate pigtail. tened on, rushed precipitately into the No wonder that she was spoiled by shop, and on the subject-and hear, flattery, Miss Diana, for she was a bit oh Heaven, and believe, oh earth! was of a beauty; and though she had but met not by a plump denial, but was one eye-by Heavens, what an eye shewn the door.” that was !"
“ Upon my word, Mr Tims," said “She must have been an irresisti- I,“ you have been a most unfortunate ble creature, certainly, Mr Tims,” man. I wonder you recovered after said I. “ Well, how did you come such mighty reverses? but I hopeon?"
“ Hope! that is the word, sir, the “ Irresistible ! but you shall hear, very word, I still had hope; so, after sir. I foresaw that, in soliciting the ten days' horrible melancholy, in which honour of this fair damsel's hand, I 1 cropped not a few heads in a novel should have much opposition to en- and unprecedented style, I at it again, counter from the rivalry of the three and laid immediate and close siege to learned professions, to say nothing of the last and loveliest of the trio-one the gentlemen of the sword and of by whom I was shot dead at first the buskin; but, thinks I to myself, sight, and of whom it might be said, *faint heart never won fair lady,' so as I once heard Kean justly observe I at once set up a snuff-box, looked in a very pretty tragedy, and to a nu. as tip-topping as possible, and com- merous audience,-- We ne'er shall menced canvassing:
look upon her like again !"" “ The second elite (for I know a Capital, Mr Tims. Well, how leetle French, having for three months, did you get on?" during my apprenticeship, had the “A moment's patience, with your honour of frizzling the head-gear of honour's leave.--Ah! truly might it Count Witruvius de Caucauson, who be said of her, that she was descended