accounts have no doubt been published, I shall now continue my personal (not, as in law language, opposed to real) narrative. I shall only add, that it seemed perfectly to be understood on both sides, that no enemy was to be devoured, till the battle was completely at an end. Dangerous indeed it would have been for him who broke through this rule to satisfy his cravings, as in the moment of victory he would assuredly have been surrounded and torn to pieces by his infuriated foes. The following night, however, presented a shocking spectacle. Imagine to yourself, my gentle reader, about 120,000,000 warriors, maddened with hunger, let loose on such a banquet. But I shall not attempt a description. Suffice it to say, that, as might have been expected, many paid the penalty of their voraciousness. I suffered in a slighter degree; and was glad to avail myself of the vicinity of the Selt zer waters, which are only about thirty miles from Coblentz. I forgot to say, that on the night of the engagement, a duel took place in presence of the whole army, between two Austrian Hamsters, as if they had not already had enough of fighting. We waited till the one dispatched the other, and then we instantly, by a drumhead court-martial, condemned the victor to death. This was absolutely necessary with those gentry, as they must always be fighting with some body. They are the very Irish of R-ts.

In a few days I was as well as ever. My wounds were only flesh ones. My teeth soon recovered their edge. The stiffness left my jaws, and I was able again to admire the beauties of the surrounding scenery.

The town of Coblentz is situated at the junction of the Rhine and the Moselle. Here the majestic Rhine gently flows along in all its grandeur, separating the town from the noble fortress of Ehrenbreitstein. I crossed over the bridge of boats, and made a most

minute inspection of this very romantic castle, which gave me great pleasure indeed. In a few days I availed myself of a passage-boat which was going to Mayence, and was quite enraptured with the view on all sides. The beautiful little islands—the ruined convents and castles so tastefully perched on the surrounding heights-the constant succession of vineyards now laden with harvest-all delighted me. Still, however, I was out of humour. Our boat had a cargo of those low beer-drinking miscreants called German students, who, to strangers, and I am sure to every body but themselves, are most disagreeable and disgusting fellows. Their ridiculous dress, long 1-sy hair, bravado manners, and real as well as affected dirtiness, not to mention their constant songs and noisy mirth, quite put me out of sorts. Some of our species who attended them took them as their model, and succeeded in ma◄ king themselves equally disagreeable. In addition to this annoyance, Rhe nish wines, and perhaps also the water, I found did not well agree with my stomach; and no inconsiderable annoyance, I soon experienced. They seemed, however, to have exactly the same effect upon every Englishman I saw, so I was not singular. A little brandy soon, however, put me all to rights; and by the time I reached Strasbourg, I was perfectly well again, and able to do ample justice to her Splendid Pies! I attended high mass in the great Cathedral of Strasbourg, and was surprised and pleased at the sight of 10,000 soldiers, in review order, drawn up within its walls. It was tiresome enough work mounting to the top of the spire, (which I ascertained, by the steps I took, to be exactly 490 feet high, Strasbourg measure; and this is exactly eight feet higher than St Peter's at Rome,) but I

made it out, notwithstanding the sulky looks of the jackanapes who lives at the top. Nothing can surpass the beauty of the view from this

Cathedral. At your feet you have the ancient town, with all its regular fortifications and outworks-the majestic Rhine, with its bridge of boats, and ruined Gothic bridge, sublime in its decay-and as far as the eye can reach you have an exceedingly rich country, everywhere speckled with towns, and fertilized by luxuriant streams.

I made a point of visiting my venerable friend, the old Comte de Strasbourg, who, unchanged in the rolling on of centuries, lies in his glass coffin, to all appearance in the same freshness of health and vigour in which, when myself a very young man, I saw him many hundred years ago*-his countess, his son, and his daughter, keep him company, each in their separate place of repose. Alas, alas! the sight made me weep. It is a sad and melancholy thing to contemplate the illustrious dead-and, after the lapse of centuries, to have the friends of your life, with whom you have spent so many happy hours, conjured up before you, in the same actual form nay, even dress and armour-in which you have known them so well. How humbling for my noble friends, if, like me, a poor persecuted shade, they now hover about their still princely remains! Perhaps, too, the treacherous Louis now haunts the scene of his perfidy, where, in the middle of a profound peace, regardless of all the honour of a king, he basely seized upon the unsuspecting city.f

It was in this town, at M. Schoepflin's collection, that, without at all knowing what I was nibbling at, I tasted a mummy, and, ignorant as I was, I may safely say it did not at all take my fancy. It had such a strange, bitter, dusty taste; and then the resiny kind of stuff stuck so about my teeth as to be very annoying-and, indeed, as soon as I ascertained what it was, I had strange misgivings. How horrible the idea of its real proprietor being perhaps the witness of my impiety!

A few days afterwards, I was rather unexpectedly stopped in my tour.For a night I had taken up my residence in the carriage of a young Englishman, who that day arrived from

Rome, the hostler having assured me that he would remain for some time. I did so, as I found it much quieter and cooler than the hotel "La ville de Lyon," which was overcrowded. In the morning, I thought my friends were merely going a short drive, so I kept my seat. We, however, travelled on till night, when I heard we were bound for London; but as my companions were very agreeable, I thought I

might as well accompany them the whole way. They seemed to be annoyed at every post-house with their passports, &c.; I was never even asked about the matter. The customhouse gentry, in their searches, to be sure, occasionally gave me a little trouble, but I was soon up to their tricks. We had an avant-courier constantly galloping before us, and we travelled with such expedition that we reached London in five days; for my fellow-travellers were idle young men of fortune, who are of course always in the greatest hurry for the end of a journey, because they don't know what to make of themselves when it is over.

I had not then an opportunity of seeing Paris, as we only changed horses in it. I have since, however, spent many months there, and have always been very much pleased with every thing I saw, particularly the Catacombs, which were my favourite lounge. When last in Paris, I made a narrow escape with my life, as I tumbled headlong into a cask of brandy. I, however, managed to scramble out, with the assistance of a bit of cord, which happened to be hanging over its side, and which my friend pushed in to me. I was little the worse of my ducking; for, as soon as I

got out, I was set a-laughing by his telling me how to spell brandy, in both French and English, in three letters, viz. "B. R. and Y." and "O. D. V."

In Paris, I have always been much annoyed at the quantities of fellows of all kinds, who constantly call and waste all one's mornings. My old friend Tillotson was quite right in what he used to say as to visiting; and I see his grandson, who, I believe, was afterwards Archbishop of

Canterbury, has given the same idea in his Sermons, almost indeed in his grandsire's words:-"The great design," said he, "of most people in visits, is not to better one another, but to spy and make faults, and not to mend them; to get time off their hands; to shew their fine clothes, and to recommend themselves to the mutual contempt of one another by a plentiful impertinence." *

In London I made a point, as a stranger, of going everywhere, and was certainly much delighted with every thing. I must confess, however, that I thought all the acting at the Opera and Theatres, and all the eloquence of the Houses of Parliament, as nothing in comparison of what I saw and tasted at the East India and London Docks. When I was in the House of Lords, a companion whispered to me, that he had heard an act read, offering a reward of L.10,000 for a male tortoise-shell cat. This I believe, indeed, is a very safe offer, for such a thing was never heard of. And it is certainly as much worth their while as making an act that I should never have more than six dishes of meat at my dinner, or that I should not be buried in linen above twenty shillings Scots value per ell, although I wished it particularly, and could well afford to pay for it. There was, however, one restrictive act, which had sense in it; and the husbands of the present day would, I dare say, give their ears that it were still in force, whatever the dress-makers might think of it. But many of their acts of Parliament are silly enoughas they must be; for they don't like to be thought idle, and imagine that

it is necessary to be always enacting something.

It is curious, indeed, how fashion should be every thing in the great city. A lady could not possibly venture to see her dearest friend on earth, or even her own sister, if she happened to live in rather an unfashionable part of the town. By so doing, she would expose herself to her own footmen, who very properly would lose all respect for her, and I suppose instantly leave her service, as, poor fellows, they have a rank in life to keep up!! John Bull certainly gives himself many airs, to say the least of it. After receiving the greatest kindness and hospitality from you in Scotland, and perhaps staying for months in your house, he will cut you dead in London. Í remember once meeting with such a return, but took it, of course, very coolly. Next day, when I was arm in arm with ———

I happened again to meet my quondam friend, who immediately rushed up to me.-I, however, turned on my tail, and did not know him.Fashion is an odd thing after all. It is not rank which will do. I have seen many a spendthrift young commoner cut his uncle the duke; and being a duchess by no means will ensure admittance at Almack's.I thank my stars, I am not fashionable, and am always happy to see my friends!

There are certainly many luxuries to be had in both of the rival capitals of Britain and of France; but, in making a fair estimate of their comparative merits, the prize of honour, I fear, must be adjudged to the latter. Where, in London, for instance, can we find such a Paradise as Les Bains Chinois,

with its Naples soap, almond paste, eau de Cologne, hot flannels, armchairs, and Maintenon cutlets!!!

I was persuaded, soon after reaching London, to go down to Essex for a few days, to pay a visit to an old friend. When I arrived at his house, which I think they called Waltham Abbey, I was sorry to receive the melancholy accounts that he had been devoured, and that, if I did not instantly take myself off, I should be dealt with in the same manner. The truth was, that a famine had arisen; and it is well known, on those occasions, as necessity has no law, that the stronger kills the weaker. Day after day the combat is renewed, till at last all except one are destroyed, and he is then obliged to decamp, or cat himself up, as he likes best. It is in this way that castles, houses, &c. which have been long infested by us, are so suddenly entirely freed from our presence. Aristotle of old, and many others of our historians, I find, ascribe our sudden disappearance to heavy rains; but that is a complete mistake. We have sense enough to keep at home in wet weather. The plain truth is, when we can get nothing else for love or money, we eat each other.*

I amused myself in making an excursion to Epping Forest, till I thought the civil war at my late friend's habitation might have proceeded far enough for my presence to be useful. In the Forest, one day, I had the luck to kill one of those troublesome reptiles-a Tom-Cat. I believe, however, it was a house one. After a hard day's hunting his highness made too free at a Valerian party. I watched my opportunity, and soon put an effectual end to his caterwauling. When I returned to the Abbey, I found I was in the best possible time-the garrison being reduced to about a dozen, and they so weakened and tired out with the constant worrying work they had had, that I was myself a complete match for any two of them. In a few days their number was only four, and in other two days I was sole lord and master. Amusing myself in going through my dominions, I was surprised to find such

Buffon, iv. p. 278.-EDITOR.

hordes of things, which I am sure could be of little use to any of our species. Thimbles, rings, bracelets, brooches, cork-screws, shillings, guineas, &c. I found in abundance; but what surprised me most was a gold watch, chain, and seals. I could not help thinking what mischievous ani mals we were, when not one article of the whole heap could ever be of the smallest use to any of us. I determined, however, that if possible they should not be all lost. Ever since I had come to this country, I had observed a pair of disconsolate lovers, who seemed most attached to each other. To my joy, the happy day for their union was at last fixed. The bride was uncommonly modest-looking, and from the first I had taken a great fancy for her. I resolved to make her a wedding present; and accordingly, the night previous to her marriage, I laid the watch, a couple of rings, and a brooch, at her bed-side. As I was obliged to go to town next day on business, I could not stay to see how my present was received; but I fear the girl would have much hesitation in taking them from a stranger.

At a friend's house, in Berkeley Square, where I met a distinguished party, a scene took place, just such as Pope describes,—

Our courtier walks from dish to dish;

Tastes, for his friend, of fowl and fish; Pray dip your whiskers and your tail in." "That jelly's rich, that malmsey's healing, Was ever such a happy swain? He stuffs, and swills, and stuffs again. "I'm quite ashamed-Tis mighty rude To eat so much; but all's so good! I have a thousand thanks to give ; My lord alone knows how to live."No sooner said, but from the hall Rush chaplain, butler, dogs, and all: "A R-t, a Rt! clap to the door!"— I, however, made good my exit, and was nothing the worse of a practical warning to be more cautious in future.

Ever since I had heard the story in Leith, about our forces driving the Dutch out of the Isle of France, I had had a vast desire to visit it; and I accordingly set about looking for a ves

sel for that quarter, which was easily to be found in London. Our party was most pleasant, and I doubt not we should have had a most agreeable voyage; but I was always too undecided, and too easily persuaded to change my plans. Here, to be sure, it was almost worth my while to do so, and to give up my intended voyage. In the Chops of the Channel, seeing a Swede with a signal of distress, we brought to. A boat came alongside, and an officer and some seamen got up to beg assistance, as they said they were nearly devour ed by R-ts. A couple of our boys came along with them, and gave us such a laughable account of how they carried on matters, that I could not resist the temptation of going on board. My conscience! what a sight I did see! The Captain and crew were in complete subjection, and dared not attack one of us. Indeed, though starving themselves, they were obliged to feed us before touching a morsel.* The Captain of the British ship, though he could not help laughing at what was told him, sent the Swede a barrel or two of pork, and a hogshead of water, which was handsome enough certainly; but he would on no account spare her any men. My new quarters were rather dirty; but, for the fun of the thing, I would put up with a great deal. The dinner-bell rung soon after I went on board. The Captain and his mess took their seats,-we issued from our births, jumped upon the table, ran over every dish, discussing what we thought best: we even took the morsels off the forks, and out of the mouths of the party. No resistance was made that had already been tried in vain. The crew only consisted of sixty, and we were 60,000! After eating and wasting as much as we chose, we jumped on the cabin-floor, and by scraping made our signal for water, which the stewards and seamen were ordered instantly to put down for us. Indeed, if any denial had taken place, the consequences must have been dreadful; as we had so many fierce spirits on board, that they would

not for a moment have scrupled to have eat through the planks, and sunk the ship.t

This the Captain seemed quite aware of, as the work of destruction had more than once been commenced, and he now never for a second allowed us to want for any thing. Every meal was the same, and we were most punctual in our attendance, as soon as the bell sounded. Once, indeed, they avoided this signal, and attempted to dine on deck; but we convinced them we were not to be trifled with! I soon became sick tired of this kind of work, and was most happy when we got within sight of the Norsunda Lights. In case of accidents, I thought it as well to be off by the first pilot boat; but I believe there was no danger, as the vessel was ordered to the quarantine station, in case the capital itself should be taken by storm.

About eighteen months afterwards, I did at last make out my way to the Isle of France. Instead, however, of finding the island, as I expected, in the sole possession of our fellows, scarcely one of us was to be seen. After expelling the Dutch, I was told by a native, that we had a glorious time of it for a month or two; and that our rascals even captured a large Dutch vessel, which put in to the island on its voyage to Batavia. But this did not last long-dissensions began to arise as the stores decreased; and at last, when every thing was eaten up, we had no alternative but to attack each other, and thus became an easy conquest to the French, who soon afterwards arrived.

In the following year I made a trip to Canada, and had the good fortune. to assist in storming a Canadian MuskR-t village, where we found our quarters so pleasant, notwithstanding the almost overpowering perfumes, that we remained the whole winter. Nothing can be more comfortable than the huts of the Musk gentry, which are composed of herbs and rushes, so interlaced and plastered with clay, as to be perfectly impenetrable to rain