When she doth her array, And girdeth in her gites,1 Stitched and pranked with pleats, Her kirtle of Bristol red,2 With cloths upon her head That weigh a sow of lead, Writhen in wonder wise,3 After the Saracen's guise, With a whim-wham, Knit with a trim-tram, Upon her brain-pan Like an Egyptian,* Capped about.
When she goeth out Herself for to show, She driveth down the dew With a pair of heels As broad as two wheels; She hobbles as a goose
With her blanket hose
Over the fallow;
Her shoon5 smeared with tallow. . . .
And this comely dame,
I understand her name Is Eleanor Rumming At home in her wonning; And, as men say,
She dwells in Sothray In a certain stead 8
Beside Leatherhead. She is a tonnish gib
The Devil and she be sib.11
But, to make up my tale; She breweth noppy 12 ale, And maketh thereof pot sale; To travellers, to tinkers, To sweaters, to swinkers, And to all good ale drinkers; That will nothing spare, But drink till they stare, And bring themselves bare, With "Now away the mare!" And "Let us slay care!"
I Gowns. 2 Bristol was formerly noted for its red 3 Twisted in a wondrous manner. 7 Surrey. 8 Place. 9 Near.
dye, and Lincoln for its green. 5 Shoes. 6 Dwelling. 11 Akin. 12 Nappy, heavy.
THE COMPLAINT OF A RUSTIC THAT THE CLERGY AND PEOPLE ARE AT WAR.
What can it avail
To drive forth a snail?
Or to make a sail Of an herring's tail? To rhyme or to rail, To write or to indite, Either for delight, Or else for despite, Or books to compile Of divers manner style Vice to revile
And sin to exile? ...
Say this, and say that :1- "His head is so fat, He wotteth never what, Nor whereof, he speaketh : He crieth and he creaketh, He pryeth and he peeketh, He chides and he chatters, He prates and he patters, He clitters and he clatters, He meddles and he smatters, He gloses and he flatters." Or, if he speak plain, Then,-"He lacketh brain, He is but a fool,
Let him go to school!"... And, if ye stand in doubt Who brought this about, My name is Colin Clout:
purpose to shake out
All my cunning-bag 2
Like a clerkly hag.3
For, though my Rhyme be ragged,
Tattered and jagged,
Rudely rain-beaten, Rusty and moth-eaten, If ye take well therewith, It hath in it some pith.
1 Thus they speak of me. 2 Wallet of wisdom. 3 Learned fellow.
For, as far as I can see,
It is wrong with each degree:1 For the Temporalty Accuseth the Spiritualty; The Spiritual again Doth grudge and complain Upon temporal men.
Thus each of other blother 2 The t'one against the t'other; Alas, they make me shudder! For in hudder-mudder The Church is put in faute; The Prelates been so haut, They say, and look so high As though they would fly Above the starry sky. . . . The Temporalty say plain How Bishops disdain Sermons for to make, Or such labour to take. And, for to say troth,
A great part is for 4 sloth;
Is for they have but small art,
And right slender cunning
Within their heads wonning. . . .
Thus I, Colin Clout,
As I go about,
And wandering as I walk,
I hear the people talk.
For Thrift is threadbare worn, Our sheep are shrewdly1 torn, And Truth is all to-torn ; 2 Wisdom is laughed to scorn. . . . Will, will, will, will,
He ruleth alway still;
Good Reason and Good Skill, They may garlic pill, Carry sacks to the mill, Or peascods they may shill, Or else go roast a stone! There is no man but one 3
That hath the strokes alone. Be it black or white,
All that he doth is right;—
As right as a cammock crooked!"..
He is set so high
In his hierarchy
Of frantic frenèsie 5
And foolish fantasie,
That in the Chamber of Stars 6
All matters there he mars, Clapping his rod on the board : No man dare speak a word, For he hath all the saying Without any re-naying ;7 He rolleth in his records; He saith, "How say ye, my lords? Is not my reason good?" (Good even, good Robin Hood !)8 Some say "yes," and some Sit still as they were dumb. Thus, thwarting over them, He ruleth all the roast With bragging and with boast, Borne up on every side With pomp and with pride,
With "trump up, hallelujah!"10...
Our Barons be so bold,
Into a mouse-hole they wold Run away and creep; Like a meinie 11 of sheep,
8 An aside of contempt.
10 Pompous church-services.
9 Perversely controlling, domineering. 11 Company.
1 In allusion to 4 Potsherds. 8 Blood-royal.
Dare not look out at door For dread of the mastiff cur, For dread of the butcher's dog1 Would worry them like an hog. For, and this Cur do gnar,2 They must stand all afar, To hold up their hand at the bar. For all their noble blood, He plucks them by the hood, And shakes them by the ear, And brings them in such fear : He baiteth them like a bear, Like an ox or a bull: Their wits, he saith, are dull; He saith they have no brain Their estate to maintain,
And maketh them to bow their knee
Before his majesty.
But this mad Amalek, Like to a Mamelek,3
He regardeth lords
No more than potshords.* He is in such elation Of his exaltation, And the supportation Of our sovereign lord,5 That, God to record, He ruleth all at will Without reason or skill; How be it, the primordial" Of his wretched original, And his base progeny, And his greasy genealogy,
He came of the sang-royal
That was cast out of a butcher's stall....
Such a prelate I trow
Were worthy to row
Through the straits of Maroc 9
To the gibbet of Baldoc;10
He would dry up the streams Of nine kings' realms, All rivers and wells, All water that swells;
Wolsey's reputed descent. 5 The king's patronage. 9 Straits of Morocco.
6 God to witness. 10 A city of Chaldea.
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