and his truth! How many in the world do as I did, condemn the bible and the Christian religion as a fable, who have never given the subject an hour's candid attention in their lives. All which they know of it, is, that it condemns them in their rebellion against God, and in order to rid themselves of this, they condemn that, without ceremony, not taking the trouble to examine the evidences (which are irresistible) of its authenticity. But I did not often do this. There was with me, almost constantly, a kind of foreboding that the bible was true, notwithstanding all the deistical arguments which I heard to the contrary, and the willingness of my own heart to fall in with error. I was like the troubled sea, whose waters cannot rest. The thoughts of death and eternity were much on my mind. The farm lay contiguous with the bay, and I made a practice of walking to the shore in the evening, and seating myself on the banks, and there give way to reflection. Vessels were almost continually passing and repassing, and my mind would often be much attracted to try the sea, and visit distant climes in quest of happiness and wealth. I found an aching void in my mind, which nothing would seem to fill. I was often dejected and melancholy to such a degree, that I knew not what to do with myself.

The summer, however, passed away, and I returned to my father's neighbourhood, and resided with Mr. K. again through the winter, and attended school. He now kept a public house, and I was surrounded with company the most of the time, who were ready to foster my natural levity, and help me forward in wickedness. I was a bright scholar in such a school, and made lamentable proficiency in sinning against God. O what a wonder of mercies that he did not hurl me down to hell.

In the spring I returned to work for Mr. F. and passed this summer much in the same state of mind, as I did the preceding. When I came to be more retired from young company, and occupied my leisure moments in reflecting on my past life, and the scenes

which were before me, I was often filled with horror. I made a great many vows to God if he would spare me another year, I would reform. I used frequently to visit the neighbourhood of my father, on the Sabbath, and associate with my companions in their recreations; but on my return in the "cool of the day," I was always condemned in my conscience, for what I had been engaged in, and would then vow to God, that I would never do so more. But my righteousness was like the morning dew, it soon passed away; my vows which I made, almost without number, were as often broken as I made them; and finally I became more careless and hardened than ever. In this state I passed along, sinning against God with a high hand until the spring of the year that I was seventeen years old. I was at this time at work with my father, learning his trade. Sometime in April I was interrupted in my course of hilarity and sensual gratifications.Although I affected fearlessness and unconcern respecting the ultimate consequences of my career in another world, yet I was in reality, at times inexpressibly fearful of the result-and although I pretended to much knowledge and wisdom, yet in fact, I was ignorant and foolish in respect to the character and government of God, in the moral and natural world, and was, therefore, in. a situation to be affected and tossed about with whimsical stories and old-wive's fables.

At this time a report was put in circulation, that an angel from heaven had made the solemn news known to some person, that a universal conflagration of nature would take place on the 16th of June ensuing.If my memory serves me, there were pamphlets published, giving the particulars of this extraordinary revelation. If I had been a true believer in the word of God, I should have been ready to have met this ridiculous tale with Paul's declaration-" though an angel from heaven preach any other gospel, let him be accursed." But in the state of mind which I was then in, I had no Divine assurance of the authenticity of

the scriptures, produced in my mind, by the influence of the Spirit of God on my heart, but only a foreboding that the awful threatenings to the wicked, contained in them, were true; and this conviction of their truth, was the result of extrinsic evidence, like the faith of those, who, in the days of Christ's manifestation in the flesh, believed in him because they saw the miracles which he wrought. But this is not saving faith. I was in great horror of mind, although I would not, for the world, have let any of my friends know I was in the least disturbed. I determined, however, to reform entirely. I read the bible some, and was watchful over my conversation and conduct; I thought I would endeavour to be ready for the event, if possible, if it should transpire, and went diligently to work to mend up the "old garment." Yet, so consummate was the pride of my heart, that I kept my concern hidden as much as possible, from those who were around me. The day finally came -I watched the wheels of nature closely in the fore part of the day, not knowing, but that before mid-day they would cease to move. But they rolled on as usual, and the sun ere long, was hidden below the western horizon. I felt my distress removed, as I suppose many poor deluded hypocrites do, when they imagine their sins are forgiven, and they are out of danger of hell. These were not my ideas, however, for I knew nothing even in theory, about the necessity of our sins being forgiven, in order to meet God in peace. My ideas ran altogether in the channel of mending, not thinking that it was important that the back debt should be cancelled. I grew happy and was transported. Poor wretch! how little common sense was manifested in thus not realizing that I was every moment in danger of dropping into the lake which burns with fire and brimstone, where I should have been tormented forever and ever. I began again to give myself latitude in sin, and pursued my old course-astonishing depravity! yet so blind was I, that I had not the least apprehension that I was entirely depraved. O the long suffering of God

that he did not cut me down as a vile cumberer of the ground. I went on for some weeks taking my fill with sin, more hardened and more easy than ever.

But the time of my redemption drew nigh, when God was about to shew the power of his all-conquering grace, in turning the heart of one to himself, whom moral suasion, the use of means, fear of hell, &c. in themselves considered, had entirely failed to do: and one who, notwithstanding all the vows he had madethe horror of mind experienced on account of fearful apprehensions of hell, yet plainly manifested that he should go willingly and voluntarily down to the abodes of eternal despair, if his heart was not made subject to the creating power and energies of the Holy Ghost.

My father, at this time, was building a house for a neighbouring farmer, about one mile from his own place of residence. I was returning home one evening, and being fatigued and weary, I sat down to rest. It was a most pleasant and delightful evening in June, the moon being large, and shone almost as bright as day. I cast my eyes upwards, being attracted by the beauty, serenity, and sublimity of the scene which the natural heavens presented to my view. In a moment of time as I was gazing at the moon, I felt as I never did before. It will be impossible for me to find language to express my feelings. I seemed to look right into eternity. It seemed, comparatively speaking, like standing on the uttermost brink of an awful precipice, and looking off into an unfathomable abyss, where another hair's breadth progress, would plunge me. I had viewed these things and scenes afar off, and had trembled, and been filled with horror as I have already observed; but now it seemed to me as if the time had in reality come. It seemed as if I was then in eternity, and was standing before the awful throne of God-in fact, my mind was there. I do believe, that my feelings were almost as dreadful, for a short time, as those will be of damned sinners, when suddenly the trump of God shall sound and call them to judgment, and they shall see the Son of Man coming

C

and seated upon the throne of his glory. I had unutterably awful sensations. I do not recollect that I thought, at the first view which I had, a word about hell, or that I was in danger of it. But it was inexpressibly dreadful to me, to think of an eternal existence in heaven-eternity! eternity!! seemed so awful to me, that I could scarcely live with the view which I then had of it; indeed an eternal existence in heaven was to me the worst hell that could be conceived of. I knew not then,that the reason of this was, because my heart was opposed to God's holy moral character, and that in order for me to delight to dwell in a holy heaven, I must be changed in heart, or be born again. I was totally ignorant of this in theory. I do not remember that I had ever heard the doctrine of the new birth mentioned, and knew no more of it speculatively, than the uncivilized savages or Burmans, who never heard of the bible or the religion of Christ. God appeared to me a tremendously awful being, filling eternity-omniscient, omnipresent, and omnipotent in power, who sat upon the throne of the universe, but in whose character I could see no beauty at all. I seemed to be placed immediately before his throne, and saw there was no fleeing from his presence, and yet to dwell in his presence was to me the most tormenting situation that could be conceived of. O what folly for unregenerate sinners to expect to be happy in eternity. The new Jerusalem with the glory of God and the Lamb shining round about them, would wreck their souls with torture and horror to the very centre. They would call for rocks and mountains, yea, even hell itself, to fall on them and hide them from the face of him who sitteth on the throne of the universe.

This view which I had of the solemn realities of the eternal world, produced corresponding views of the shortness of time, and perishable nature of every thing around me. My last dying moments were made to appear to me as I would not have believed it possible, if I had not experienced it. It seemed as if all nature was dying around me- the heavens and the earth pass