human wit can contrive, or human malice can in- | ate the fruits, which, without culture, fell ripe flict, has been borne with constancy; and that if the pains of disease be, as I believe they are, sometimes greater than those of artificial torture, they are therefore in their own nature shorter: the vital frame is quickly broken, or the union between soul and body is for a time suspended by insensibility, and we soon cease to feel our maladies when they once become too violent to be borne. I think there is some reason for questioning whether the body and mind are not so proportioned, that the one can bear all that can be inflicted on the other, whether virtue cannot stand its ground as long as life, and whether a soul well principled will not be separated sooner than subdued. into their hands, and slept under bowers arched by nature, with the birds singing over their heads, and the beasts sporting about them. But by degrees they began to lose their original integrity; each, though there was more than enough for all, was desirous of appropriating part to himself. Then entered violence and fraud, and theft, and rapine. Soon after pride and envy broke into the world, and brought with them a new standard of wealth; for men, who till then thought themselves rich when they wanted nothing, now rated their demands, not by the calls of nature, but by the plenty of others; and began to consider themselves as poor, when they beheld their own possessions exceeded by those of their neighbours. Now only one could be happy, because only one could have most, and that one was always in danger, lest the same arts by which he had supplanted others should be practised upon himself. Amidst the prevalence of this corruption, the state of the earth was changed; the year was divided into seasons: part of the ground became barren, and the rest yielded only berries, acorns, and herbs. The summer and autumn indeed furnished a coarse and inelegant sufficiency, but winter was without any relief; Famine, with a thousand diseases which the inclemency of the air invited into the upper regions, made havoc among men, and there appeared to be danger lest they should be destroyed before they were reformed. In calamities which operate chiefly on our passions, such as diminution of fortune, loss of friends, or declension of character, the chief danger of impatience is upon the first attack, and many expedients have been contrived, by which the blow may be broken. Of these the most general precept is, not to take pleasure in any thing, of which it is not in our power to secure the possession to ourselves. This counsel, when we consider the enjoyment of any terrestrial advantage, as opposite to a constant and habitual solicitude for future felicity, is undoubtedly just, and delivered by that authority which cannot be disputed; but, in any other sense, is it not like advice, not to walk lest we should stumble, or not to see lest our eyes should light upon deformity? It seems to me reasonable to enjoy blessings with confidence, as well as to resign them with submission, and to hope for the continuance of good which we possess without insolence or voluptuousness, as for the restitution of that which we lose without despondency or mur-pupil of Art; he had the strength of his mother, In the early ages of the world, as is well known to those who are versed in ancient traditions, when innocence was yet untainted, and simplicity unadulterated, mankind was happy in the enjoyment of continual pleasure, and constant plenty, under the protection of Rest; a gentle divinity, who required of her worshippers neither altars nor sacrifices, and whose rites were only performed by prostrations upon turfs of flowers in shades of jasmine and myrtle, or by dances on the banks of rivers flowing with milk and nectar. Under this easy government the first generations breathed the fragrance of perpetual spring, To oppose the devastations of Famine, who scattered the ground every where with carcasses, Labour came down upon earth. Labour was the son of Necessity, the nurseling of Hope, and the the spirit of his nurse, and the dexterity of his governess. His face was wrinkled with the wind, and swarthy with the sun: he had the implements of husbandry in one hand, with which he turned up the earth; in the other he had the tools of architecture, and raised walls and towers at his pleasure. He called out with a rough voice, "Mortals! see here the power to whom you are consigned, and from whom you are to hope for all your pleasures, and all your safety. You have long languished under the dominion of Rest, an impotent and deceitful goddess, who can neither protect nor relieve you, but resigns you to the first attacks of either Famine or Disease, and suffers her shades to be invaded by every enemy, and destroyed by every accident. "Awake therefore to the call of Labour. I will teach you to remedy the sterility of the earth, and the severity of the sky; I will compel summer to find provisions for the winter; I will force the waters to give you their fish, the air its fowls, and the forest its beasts; I will teach you to pierce the bowels of the earth, and bring out from the caverns of the mountains metals which shall give strength to your hands, and security to your bodies, by which you may be covered from the as saults of the fiercest beasts, and with which you shall fell the oak, and divide rocks, and subject all nature to your use and pleasure." Encouraged by this magnificent invitation, the inhabitants of the globe considered Labour as their only friend, and hasted to his command. He led them out to the fields and mountains, and showed them how to open mines, to level hills, to drain marshes, and change the course of rivers. I voice was heard but of complaints that mentionThe face of things was immediately transformed; ed no pain, and murmurs that could tell of no the land was covered with towns and villages, misfortune. encompassed with fields of corn, and plantations of fruit-trees: and nothing was seen but heaps of grain, and baskets of fruit, full tables, and crowded storehouses. Thus Labour and his followers added every hour new acquisitions to their conquests, and saw Famine gradually dispossessed of his dominions; till at last, amidst their jollity and triumphs, they were depressed and amazed by the approach of Lassitude, who was known by her sunk eyes and dejected countenance. She came forward trembling and groaning; at every groan the hearts of all those that beheld her lost their courage, their nerves slackened, their hands shook, and the instruments of labour fell from their grasp. Shocked with this horrid phantom, they reflected with regret on their easy compliance with the solicitations of Labour, and began to wish again for the golden hours which they remembered to have passed under the reign of Rest, whom they resolved again to visit, and to whom they intended to dedicate the remaining part of their lives. Rest had not left the world; they quickly found her, and, to atone for their former desertion, invited her to the enjoyment of those acquisitions which Labour had procured them. Rest therefore took leave of the groves and valleys, which she had hitherto inhabited, and entered into palaces, reposed herself in alcoves, and slumbered away the winter upon beds of down, and the summer in artificial grottos with cascades playing before her. There was indeed always something wanting to complete her felicity, and she could never full her returning fugitives to that serenity which they knew before their engagements with Labour: nor was her dominion entirely without control, for she was Rest had now lost her authority. Her followers again began to treat her with contempt; some of them united themselves more closely to Luxury, who promised by her arts to drive Satiety away; and others, that were more wise, or had more fortitude, went back again to Labour, by whom they were indeed protected from Satiety, but delivered up in time to Lassitude, and forced by her to the bowers of Rest. Thus Rest and Labour equally perceived their reign of short duration and uncertain tenure, and their empire liable to inroads from those who were alike enemies to both. They each found their subjects unfaithful, and ready to desert them upon every opportunity. Labour saw the riches which he had given always carried away as an offering to Rest, and Rest found her votaries in every exigence flying from her to beg help of Labour. They, therefore, at last determined upon an interview, in which they agreed to divide the world between them, and govern it alternately, allotting the dominion of the day to one, and that of the night to the other, and promised to guard the frontiers of each other, so that, whenever hostilities were attempted, Satiety should be intercepted by Labour, and Lassitude expelled by Rest. Thus the ancient quarrel was appeased, and as hatred is often succeeded by its contrary, Rest afterwards became pregnant by Labour, and was delivered of Health, a benevolent goddess, who consolidated the union of her parents, and contributed to the regular vicissi tudes of their reign, by dispensing her gifts to those only who shared their lives in just proportions between Rest and Labour. obliged to share it with Luxury, though she al- No. 34.] SATURDAY, JULY 14, 1750. The two soft associates, however, reigned for some time without visible disagreement, till at last Luxury betrayed her charge, and let in Disease to seize upon her worshippers. Rest then flew away, and left the place to the usurpers; who employed all their arts to fortify themselves in their possession, and to strengthen the interest of each other. Non sine vano Alarmed with every rising gale, HOR. ELPHINSTON. I HAVE been censured for having hitherto dedicated so few of my speculations to the ladies; and indeed the moralist, whose instructions are accommodated only to one half of the human species, must be confessed not sufficiently to have Rest had not always the same enemy; in some extended his views. Yet it is to be considered, places she escaped the incursions of Disease; that masculine duties afford more room for counbut had her residence invaded by a more slow sels and observations, as they are less uniform, and subtle intruder, for very frequently, when and connected with things more subject to vicisevery thing was composed and quiet, when there situde and accident; we therefore find that in was neither pain within, nor danger without, philosophical discourses which teach by precept, when every flower was in bloom, and every gale or historical narratives that instruct by example, freighted with perfumes, Satiety would enter with the peculiar virtues or faults of women fill but a a languishing and repining look, and throw her- small part; perhaps, generally, too small, for so self upon the couch placed and adorned for the much of our domestic happiness is in their hands, accommodation of Rest. No sooner was she and their influence is so great upon our earliest seated than a general gloom spread itself on years, that the universal interest of the world every side, the groves immediately lost their ver- requires them to be well instructed in their produre, and their inhabitants desisted from their vince; nor can it be thought proper that the qualimelody, the breeze sunk in sighs, and the flow-ties by which so much pain or pleasure may be ers contracted their leaves, and shut up their given, should be left to the direction of chance. odours. Nothing was seen on every side but I have, therefore, willingly given a place in my multitudes wandering about they knew not paper to a letter, which, perhaps, may not be whither, in quest they knew not of what; no wholly useless to them whose chief ambition is to please, as it shows how certainly the end is miss- | ner where we had occasion to turn; at intervals ed by absurd and injudicious endeavours at distinction. SIR, TO THE RAMBLER. she entertained us with fretful complaints of the uneasiness of the coach, and obliged me to call several times on the coachman to take care and drive without jolting. The poor fellow endea. voured to please us, and therefore moved very slowly, till Anthea found out that this pace would only keep us longer on the stones, and desired that I would order him to make more speed. He whipped his horses, the coach jolted again, and Anthea very complaisantly told us how much she repented that she made one of our company. I AM a young gentleman at my own disposal, with a considerable estate; and having passed through the common forms of education, spent some time in foreign countries, and made myself distinguished since my return in the politest company, I am now arrived at that part of life in At last we got into the smooth road, and bewhich every man is expected to settle, and provide for the continuation of his lineage. I with-gan to think our difficulties at an end, when, on stood for some time the solicitations and remon- a sudden, Anthea saw a brook before us, which strances of my aunts and uncles, but at last was she could not venture to pass. We were, therepersuaded to visit Anthea, an heiress, whose land fore, obliged to alight, that we might walk over lies contiguous to mine, and whose birth and the bridge; but when we came to it, we found it beauty are without objection. Our friends de- so narrow, that Anthea durst not set her foot clared that we were born for each other; all those upon it, and was content, after long consultation, on both sides who had no interest in hindering to call the coach back, and with innumerable our union, contributed to promote it, and were precautions, terrors and lamentations, crossed conspiring to hurry us into matrimony, before we the brook. It was necessary after this delay to mend our had any opportunity of knowing one another. I was, however, too old to be given away without pace, and directions were accordingly given to my own consent; and having happened to pick the coachman, when Anthea informed us, that up an opinion, which to many of my relations it was common for the axle to catch fire with a seemed extremely odd, that a man might be un- quick motion, and begged of me to look out every happy with a large estate, determined to obtain minute, lest we should all be consumed. I was a nearer knowledge of the person with whom I forced to obey, and give her from time to time was to pass the remainder of my time. To pro- the most solemn declarations that all was safe, tract the courtship was by no means difficult, for and that I hoped we should reach the place withAnthea had a wonderful facility of evading ques-out losing our lives either by fire or water. tions which I seldom repeated, and of barring approaches which I had no great eagerness to press. Thus we passed on, over ways soft and hard, with more or with less speed, but always with new vicissitudes of anxiety. If the ground was Thus the time passed away in visits and civili- hard, we were jolted; if soft, we were sinking. ties without any ardent professions of love, or If we went fast we should be overturned; if slowformal offers of settlements. I often attended ly, we should never reach the place. At length her to public places, in which, as is well known, she saw something which she called a cloud, and all behaviour is so much regulated by custom, began to consider that at that time of the year it that very little insight can be gained into the frequently thundered. This seemed to be the private character, and therefore I was not yet capital terror, for after that the coach was sufferable to inform myself of her humour and incli-ed to move on; and no danger was thought too nations. At last I ventured to propose to her to make one of a small party, and spend a day in viewing a seat and gardens a few miles distant; and having, upon her compliance, collected the rest of the company, I brought, at the hour, a coach which I had borrowed from an acquaintance, having delayed to buy one myself till I should have an opportunity of taking the lady's opinion, for whose use it was intended. Anthea came down, but as she was going to step into the coach, started back with great appearance of terror, and told us that she durst not enter, for the shocking colour of the lining had so much the air of the mourning-coach in which she followed her aunt's funeral three years before, that she should never have her poor dear aunt out of her head. I knew that it was not for lovers to argue with their mistresses; I therefore sent back the coach, and got another more gay. Into this we all entered, the coachman began to drive, and we were amusing ourselves with the expectation of what we should see, when, upon a small inclination of the carriage, Anthea screamed out that we were overthrown. We were obliged to fix all our attention upon her, which she took care to keep up by renewing her outcries, at every cor dreadful to be encountered, provided she could get into a house before the thunder. Thus our whole conversation passed in dangers, and cares, and fears, and consolations, and stories of ladies dragged in the mire, forced to spend all the night on a heath, drowned in rivers, or burnt with lightning; and no sooner had a hairbreadth escape set us free from one calamity, but we were threatened with another. At length we reached the house where we intended to regale ourselves, and I proposed to Anthea the choice of a great number of dishes, which the place, being well provided for enter tainment, happened to afford. She made some objection to every thing that was offered; one thing she hated at that time of the year, another she could not bear since she had seen it spoiled at Lady Feedwell's table, another she was sure they could not dress at this house, and another she could not touch without French sauce. A last, she fixed her mind upon salmon, but there was no salmon in the house. It was however procured with great expedition, and when i came to the table, she found that her fright had taken away her stomach, which indeed she thought no great loss, for she could never believe that any thing at an inn could be cleanly got. Dinner was now over, and the company proposed, for I was now past the condition of making overtures, that we should pursue our original design of visiting the gardens. Anthea declared that she could not imagine what pleasure we expected from the sight of a few green trees and a little gravel, and two or three pits of clear water; that for her part she hated walking till the cool of the evening, and thought it very likely to rain; and again wished that she had stayed at home. We then reconciled ourselves to our disappointment, and began to talk on common subjects, when Anthena told us that since we came to see gardens, she would not hinder our satisfaction. We all arose, and walked through the inclosures for some time, with no other trouble than the necessity of watching lest a frog should hop across the way, which Anthea told us would certainly kill her, if she should happen to see him. Frogs, as it fell out, there were none; but when we were within a furlong of the gardens, Anthea saw some sheep, and heard the wether clink his bell, which she was certain was not hung upon him for nothing, and therefore no assurances nor entreaties should prevail upon her to go a step further; she was sorry to disappoint the company, but her life was dearer to her than ceremony. We came back to the inn, and Anthea now discovered that there was no time to be lost in returning, for the night would come upon us, and a thousand misfortunes might happen in the dark. The horses were immediately harnessed, and Anthea, having wondered what could seduce her to stay so long, was eager to set out. But we had now a new scene of terror, every man we saw was a robber, and we were ordered sometimes to drive hard, lest a traveller whom we saw behind should overtake.us; and sometimes to stop, lest we should come up to him who was passing before us. She alarmed many an honest man, by begging him to spare her life as he passed by the coach, and drew me into fifteen quarrels with persons who increased her fright, by kindly stopping to inquire whether they could At last we came home, and she told her company next day what a pleasant ride she had been taking. assist us. I suppose, Sir, I need not inquire of you what deductions may be made from this narrative, nor what happiness can arise from the society of that woman who mistakes cowardice for elegance, and imagines all delicacy to consist in refusing to be pleased. No. 35.] 1 am, &c. TUESDAY, JULY 17, 1750. Non pronuba Juno, Non Hymenaus adest, non illi gratia lecto. SIR, As you have hitherto delayed the performance of the promise, by which you gave us reason to hope for another paper upon matrimony, I imagine you desirous of collecting more materials than your own experience or observation can supply; and I shall therefore lay candidly before you an account of my own entrance into the conjugal state. I was about eight and twenty years old, when having tried the diversions of the town till I began to be weary, and being awakened into attention to more serious business, by the failure of an attorney, to whom I had implicitly trusted the conduct of my fortune, I resolved to take my estate into my own care, and methodise my whole life acording to the strictest rules of economical prudence. In pursuance of this scheme I took leave of my acquaintance, who dismissed me with numberless jests upon my new system; having first endeavoured to divert me from a design so little worthy of a man of wit, by ridiculous accounts of the ignorance and rusticity into which many had sunk in their retirement, after having distinguished themselves in taverns and play-houses, and given hopes of rising to uncommon eminence among the gay part of mankind. When I came first into the country, which, by a neglect not uncommon among young heirs, I had never seen since the death of my father, I found every thing in such confusion, that being utterly without practice in business, I had great, difficulties to encounter in disentangling the perplexities of my circumstances; they however gave way to diligent application; and I percei~ed that the advantage of keeping my own eccounts would very much overbalance the time which they could require. I had now visited my tenants, surveyed my land, and repaired the old house, which, for some years, had been running to decay. These proofs of pecuniary wisdom began to recommend me as a sober, judicious, thriving gentleman, to all my graver neighbours of the country, who never failed to celebrate my management in opposition to Thriftless and Latterwit, two smart fellows, who had estates in the same part of the kingdom, which they visited now and then in a frolic, to take up their rents beforehand, debauch a milkmaid, make a feast for the village, and tell stories of their own intrigues, and then rode post back to town to spend their money. It was doubtful, however, for some time, whether I should be able to hold my resolution; but a short perseverance removed all suspicions. I rose every day in reputation, by the decency of my conversation and the regularity of my conduct, and was mentioned with a great regard at the assizes, as a man very fit to be put in com mission for the peace. During the confusion of my affairs, and the daily necessity of visiting farms, adjusting contracts, letting leases, and superintending repairs, I found very little vacuity in my life, and therefore had not many thoughts of marriage; but, in a little while the tumult of business subsided, and the exact method which I had established enabled me to despatch my accounts with great facility. I had, therefore, now upon my hands, the task of finding means to spend my time, without falling back into the poor amusements which I had hitherto indulged, or changing them for the sports of the field, which I saw pursued with so much eagerness by the gentlemen of the country, that they were indeed the only pleasures ir which I could promise myself any partaker. The inconvenience of this situation naturally | ed to comply. Mitissa was ordered to exert her disposed me to wish for a companion, and the power; she told me, that if I could refuse her papa known value of my estate, with my reputation had no love for her; that she was an unhappy for frugality and prudence, easily gained me ad- creature, and that I was a perfidious man; then mission into every family; for I soon found that she burst into tears, and fell into fits. All this, no inquiry was made after any other virtue, nor as I was no passionate lover, had little effect. any testimonial necessary, but of my freedom She next refused to see me, and because I thought from incumbrances, and my care of what they myself obliged to write in terms of distress, they termed the main chance. I saw, not without in- had once hopes of starving me into measures; dignation, the eagerness with which the daugh- but, finding me inflexible, the father complied ters, wherever I came, were set out to show; nor with my proposal, and told me he liked me the could I consider them in a state much different more for being so good at a bargain. from prostitution, when I found them ordered to play their airs before me, and to exhibit, by some seeming chance, specimens of their music, their work, or their housewifery. No sooner was I placed at table, than the young lady was called upon to pay me some civility or other; nor could I find means of escaping, from either father or mother, some account of their daughter's excellences, with a declaration that they were now leaving the world, and had no business on this side the grave, but to see their children happily disposed of; that she whom I had been pleased to compliment at table was indeed the chief pleasure of their age, so good, so dutiful, so great a relief to her mamma in the care of the house, and so much her papa's favourite for her cheerfulness and wit, that it would be with the last reluctance that they should part; but to a worthy gentleman in the neighbourhood, whom they might often visit, they would not so far consult their own gratification, as to refuse her; and their tenderness should be shown in her fortune, whenever a suitable settlement was proposed. As I knew these overtures not to proceed from any preference of me before another equally rich, I could not but look with pity on young persons condemned to be set to auction, and made cheap by injudicious commendations; for how could they know themselves offered and rejected a hundred times, without some loss of that soft elevation, and maiden dignity, so necessary to the completion of female excellence? I shall not trouble you with a history of the stratagems practised upon my judgment, or the allurements tried upon my heart, which, if you have, in any part of your life, been acquainted with rural politics you will easily conceive. Their arts have no great variety, they think nothing worth their care but money, and supposing its fluence the same upon all the world, seldom endeavour to deceive by any other means than alse computations. I I will not deny that, by hearing myself loudly commended for my discretion, I began to set some value upon my character, and was unwilling to lose my credit by marrying for love. therefore resolved to know the fortune of the lady whom I should address, before I inquired after her wit, delicacy, or beauty. This determination led me to Mitissa, the daughter of Chrysophilus, whose person was at least without deformity, and whose manners were free from reproach, as she had been bred up at a distance from all common temptations. To Mitissa therefore I obtained leave from her parents to pay my court, and was referred by her again to her father, whose direction she was resolved to follow. The question then was, only, what should be settled? The old gentleman made an enormous demand, with which I refus I was now married to Mitissa, and was to experience the happiness of a match made without passion. Mitissa soon discovered that she was equally prudent with myself, and had taken a husband only to be at her own command, and have a chariot at her own call. She brought with her an old maid recommended by her mother, who taught her all the arts of domestic manage ment, and was, on every occasion, her chief agent and directress. They soon invented one reason or other to quarrel with all my servants, and either prevailed on me to turn them away, or treated them so ill that they left me of themselves, and always supplied their places with some brought from my wife's relations. Thus they established a family, over which I had no authority, and which was in a perpetual conspiracy against me; for Mitissa considered herself as having a separate interest, and thought nothing her own, but what she laid up without my knowledge. For this reason she brought me false accounts of the expenses of the house, joined with my tenants in complaints of hard times, and by means of a steward of her own, took rewards for soliciting abatements of the rent. Her great hope is to outlive me, that she may enjoy what she has thus accumulated, and therefore she is always contriving some improvements of her jointure land, and once tried to procure an injunction to hinder me from felling timber upon it for repairs. Her father and mother assist her in her projects, and are frequently hinting that she is ill used, and reproaching me with the presents that other ladies receive from their husbands. Such, Sir, was my situation for seven years, till at last my patience was exhausted, and hav ing one day invited her father to my house, I laid the state of my affairs before him, detected my wife in several of her frauds, turned out her steward, charged a constable with her maid, took my business in my own hands, reduced her to a settled allowance, and now write this account to warn others against marrying those whom they have no reason to esteem. No. 36.] I am, &c. SATURDAY, JULY 21, 1750. |