his brother wits below tremble: it is true, he will not confess himself atheist, yet in his heart the fool hath said it, and boasts aloud, that he holds his gospel from the apostle of Malmsbury, though it is more than probable, he never read, at least understood, ten leaves of that unlucky author; talk of witches, and you tickle him; speak of spirits, and he tells you, he knows none better than those of wine; name but immaterial essence, and he shall flout at yoù, as a dull fop incapable of sense, and unfit for conversation: nor is he ever better pleased, than when he can here hedge in some young raw divine to bulbait with scurrility, and all kind of pro

faneness.

By means of some small scraps of learning matched with a far greater stock of confidence, a voluble tongue, and bold delivery, he has the ill luck to be celebrated by the vulgar, for a man of parts; which opinion gains credit to his insolencies, and sets him on further extravagancies, to maintain his title of a wit, by continuing his practice of fooling; whereas all his mighty parts are summed up in this inventory: Imprimis, a 'peddling way of fancy, a lucky hit at quibbling, now and then an odd 'metaphor, a conceited irony, a ridiculous simile, a wild fetch, an unexpected inference, a mimick gesture, a pleasing knack in humouring a tale, and lastly an irresistible resolution to speak last, and never be 6 dashed out of countenance.'

By these arts, dexterously managed, he engrosses a vast repute; the grave citizen calls him a shrewd man, and notable headpiece; the ladies (we mean the things so called of his acquaintance) vote him a most ac. complished gentleman; and the blades swear, he is a walking comedy, the only merry Andrew of the age, that scatters wit, wherever he comes, as beggars do lice, or musk-cats perfumes, and that nothing, in nature and all, can compare with him.

You would think he had got the Lullian art, for he speaks extempore on all subjects, and ventures his words, without the relief of sense to second them; his thoughts start from his imagination, and he never troubles himself to examine their decency, or solidity, by judgment. To discourse him seriously, is to read ethicks to a monkey, or make an oration to Caligula's horse, whence you can only expect a weehee or jadish spurn; after the most convincing arguments, if he can but muster up one plausible joke, you are routed: for he, that understood not your logick, apprehends his droll; and, though syllogisms may be answered, yet jests and loud laughter can never be confuted, but have more sway to degrade things with the unthinking croud, than demonstrations; there being a root of envy, in too many men, that invites them to applaud that, which exposes and vilifies what they cannot comprehend: he pretends great skill in curing the tetters and ring-worms of state, but blows in the sores, till they rankle with his poisonous breath; he shoots libels, with his forked tongue, at his superiors, and abuses his dearest friends, chusing to forfeit his neck to the gibbet, or his shoulders to the battoon, rather than lose the driest of his idle quibbles: in brief, he is the jackpudding of society, a fleering buffoon, a better kind of ape in the judgment of all wise men, but an incomparable wit, in his own.

Thus have we led you from board to board, like the fellow in the tower, to shew you strange beasts, wherewith this place is sometimes frequented. To take now a farewel view of the house will be difficult, since it is al

ways shifting scenes, and like O Brazile (the inchanted island) seldom appears twice in a posture; the wax candles burning, and low devout whispers sometimes strike a kind of religious awe; whilst the modish gallant swears so often by Jesu, an ignorant catholick would take it for a chapel, and think he were saying our lady's psalter; in some places, the organs speak it a musick-room; at others, a pair of tables and draught-board, a small gaming-house; on a sudden it turns exchange, or a warehouse for all sorts of commodities, where fools are drawn in by inch of candle, as we betray and catch larks with a glass : the bully-rook makes it his bubbling-pond, where he angles for fops, singles out his man, insinuates an acquaintance, offers the wine, and, at next tavern, sets upon him with high fullums, and plucks him: the ingeniosi use it for an after rehearsal, where they bring plays to repetition, sift each scene, examine every uncorrected line, and damn beyond the fury of the rota; whilst the incognito poet out of an overweening affection to his infant wit steals in, muffled up in his cloke, and slily evesdrops like a mendicant mother to praise the prettiness of the babe, she has newly palmed on the parish.

But it is time to be gone, who knows what magick may be a working? For behold! the coffee-powder settles at the bottom of our dish, in form of a most terrible Saracen's head. For a parting blow then give us leave to unbend a little, and say,

A coffee-house is a phanatick theatre, a hot-house to flux in for a clapped understanding, a sympathetical cure for the gonorrhoea of the tongue, or a refined baudy-house, where illegitimate reports are got in close adultery, between lying lips and itching ears.

Si quid novisti rectius, candidus imperti.

THE GRAND CONCERN OF ENGLAND EXPLAINED*,

IN SEVERAL

PROPOSALS OFFERED TO THE CONSIDERATION OF THE PARLIAMENT.

1. For Payment of publick Debts.

2. For Advancement and Encouragement of Trade.
3. For raising the Rents of Lands.

In order whereunto, it is proved necessary,

I. That a stop be put to further buildings in and about London.

II. That the gentry be obliged to live, some part of the year, in the

country.

* Vide the 300th article in the catalogue of pamphlets.

III. That registers be settled in every county.

IV. That an act for naturalising all foreign Protestants, and indulging them, and his majesty's subjects at home, in matters of conscience, may be passed.

V. That the act, prohibiting the importation of Irish cattle, may be repealed.

VI. That brandy, coffee, mum, tea, and chocolate may be prohibited. VII. That the multitude of stage.coaches and caravans may be suppressed.

VIII. That no leather may be exported unmanufactured.

IX. That a court of conscience be settled for Westminster, and all the suburbs of London, and in every city and corporation of England. X. That the extravagant habits and expence of all persons may be curbed, the excessive wages of servants and handicrafts-men may be reduced, and all foreign manufactures may be prohibited. XI. That it may be made lawful to assign bills, bonds, and other securi ties; and that a course be taken, to prevent the knavery of bankrupts. XII. That the Newcastle trade for coals may be managed by commissioners, to the ease of the subjects, and great advantage of the publick.

XIII. That the fishing-trade may be vigorously prosecuted, all poor people set at work to make fishing-tackle, and be paid out of the money collected every year, for the poor, in the several parishes in England.

By a Lover of his Country, and Well-wisher to the Prosperity both of the King and Kingdoms. London, printed in the year 1673. Quarto, containing sixty-four pages.

Proposals humbly offered to the consideration of the Parliament, &c. 1. For discharging the publick debts of the kingdom. 2. For encouraging and advancement of trade.

THE

3. The increase of the rents of lands.

HE honour, interest, and safety of a kingdom lies in maintaining the grandeur and dignity of their king, and the prerogative of his crown; the which can no way be better secured, than by providing him a plentiful revenue wherewith to defray the publick expences of the kingdom, encourage and help all his friends and allies, maintain forces for his own, his subjects, and the kingdom's safeguard at home, and a sufficient fleet at sea for the security of trade abroad, and defence of his kingdom against all foreign princes and potentates; and wherewith also, to discharge such publick debts as are justly owing to any person upon valuable consideration.

If the payment of publick debts were provided for, the rest would be easily secured, without any great charge to the people, and the king be freed from the necessity of calling for fresh supply every year from his subjects, which now comes very hard, and makes parliaments uneasy to themselves, as well as to those whose representatives they are.

The vast debt contracted by his majesty, when beyond the seas; the great sums he hath, since his happy restoration, given to relieve some of the many poor, yet loyal subjects, that served him and his royal father faithfully, and lost their limbs and estates in their service; the great debts he found the kingdom in to the army and navy, when he came first home, which are all paid off, excepting about one hundred and fifty thousand pounds, that hath been under consideration of the parliament, which, if not paid, will be the ruin of many thousands of poor families, who advanced the same for his majesty's service, and it was all employed for bringing him home.

The great charge of the last and this present Dutch war, both which his majesty hath been necessitated unto, for the preservation of the dignity of his person, which they so basely scorned and contemned, the honour of his kingdom, and the interest and security of trade; these, together with the monies expended in the reparations of his ruined houses, repurchasing his own goods, and others for furnishing his royal palaces, and many other publick affairs, have called for frequent and great supplies.

Which, howbeit, the parliament have thought fit freely to grant, when the king hath desired the same, and passed several acts for poll. money, benevolence-money, subsidies, hearth-money, additional excise, taxes upon the law, poundage upon rents, and land-taxes, yet the publick debts are very great, and the reason of it is plainly, be. cause whatever hath been given, except land-taxes, was so over-valued in the granting thereof, the grants so uncertain, the collecting so troublesome and chargeable, and the payment so vexatious to the people, that the end of the parliament hath not been answered, the king hath not had the supply intended, nor the subjects the benefit or ease designed; but the quite contrary events have happened,

So that it is humbly conceived, there is nothing can be more for the interest and advantage of the king and kingdom, than for the parlia ment to examine what the publick debts really are, how contracted, and when; and to see where the king has been well or ill used, where persons have made usurious or advantageous contracts, and taken advantage of the king's necessities, to impose ill commodities, and at unreasonable rates, upon him, and there to reduce the debt to such a proportion, as the commodity sold was, at the time of such sale, really worth; and to see where the king has been justly dealed with; which done, and the accounts being brought to balance, and the debt stated and known, then at once to raise so much money as may dis. charge the whole, and appoint persons to see the money, so to be raised, disposed to that and no other use, allowing them indifferent salaries for their pains, that so they may mind the work, and receive no manner of fees or advantage from the creditor, whereby the publick debts may be lessened; for whoever hath trusted the king, had a respect, in setting his price on the commodities sold, to the time, he thought, he should stay for his money, the uncertainty of ever receiv ing it, the vast charge he must be at in exchequer-fees, gratuities, &c. whenever he should have obtained the same, insomuch that publick debts were and are frequently sold at sixty or seventy pounds per cent. And so, what hinders but that, if this business be prudently managed,

by persons to be intrusted for that purpose, the publick debts may be lessened, and the more easily paid? Which done, the subjects may reasonably expect, and hope, for the future, to be at quiet, and freed from the fears they are now under of a parliament's meeting, lest still there should be fresh supplies for the purposes aforesaid demanded, and given, and no end be known of such gifts; and yet, to his majesty's and the kingdom's great dishonour, both at home and abroad, the publick debts still remain undischarged. And, if money for this purpose shall be, by the parliament, thought fit to be given, it is humbly offered and submitted to their considerations, whether there can be any way in the world found more certain, equal, and easy to raise the same, than by a land-tax? For then they will know what it is they give, when, and how certainly it will come in, and the time when the same will end, and may proportion their contracts and payments accordingly. Besides, a land-tax will be a certain fund for to advance money upon in a short time, at easy interest, wherewith speedily to discharge and pay off those debts, for which now great interest is to be paid.

I know it will be objected, that land is a drug, bears little or no price to be let, or be sold; what rent it is let for tenants are not able to pay; for to lay taxes upon that would utterly undo the gentry, who have nothing to live upon but their rents.

To this I answer, that it is very true, lands let poorly, rents are ill paid, and yield very little, if sold. But let us examine the reasons hereof, and see if some things may not be proposed to remedy those mischiefs, and bring land to its former value; which, if we do, then every man will certainly be of opinion, that a land-tax is the best way to raise money, and be glad, on that condition, to have it imposed.

I am of opinion, that gentlemen's being wanting to themselves is the greatest occasion of the decay of their estates, and lowering of their rents. Now, in order to their bringing them to the same rate and value, if not to a better, than they formerly bore, I humbly propose, that these several particulars following, which can only be done by act of parliament, may be enacted as laws. And I shall endeavour to demonstrate the mischiefs we suffer for want of them, and the great advantages we may rationally expect to receive by their being enacted.

1. I propose, that a stop be put to any farther buildings in or about the cities of London and Westminster, borough of Southwark, or in any place within the weekly bills of mortality, the head being already too big for the body: and that a year's value of all houses built upon new foundations may, by the owners of such houses, be paid to the king towards payment of publick debts, which would advance above three hundred thousand pounds.

2. That all the nobility and gentry of England, who have estates in the country, and are not obliged to attend on his majesty by reason of their offices, be enjoined, with their families, to live where their estates do lie, so many months in each year, as to the wisdom of parliament shall seem meet.

3. That a bill be passed for setting up of registers in every county for registering sales, mortgages, leases for term of years or lives, and all other real securities, and, if possible, all bonds, &c. which work