Page images
PDF
EPUB

be useful to him, as well as worthy of yourself.

12. In conversation with an individual, LOOK HIM IN THE FACE, and keep your eye generally fixed on his, as far as you can without staring, and looking him out of countenance. The power of the eye, in seconding and enforc ing what is said, is incalculable. Besides, by talking to an acquaintance without looking him in the face, you forego a great advantage. You lose the opportunity of perceiving what impres sion your remarks make upon him; and of deciding by his composure, or his sudden change of countenance, whether you are giving him pleasure or pain by your communication. Many a discerning speaker, by watching the countenance of him whom he addressed, has been warned by its indications of the delicate ground on which he was treading, and prevented from making further and perhaps very mischievous disclosures.

13. It is of great importance to a publick character, and especially to a clergyman, to learn the art of OPPOSING ERRONEOUS SENTIMENTS expressed in the course of conversation, with firmness, and, at the same time, without offence. No discerning individual can converse many minutes together, with almost any one, without hearing something said, with which he cannot entirely agree. Now, to oppose such erro

[ocr errors]

neous opinions is, in most cases, a duty; and yet to perform this duty seasonably, delicately, and with a proper reference to time, place, and company, is one of those things which, more than most others, put in requisition our judg ment, taste, good temper, and good breeding. Sometimes the best expression of your disapprobation will be by perfect silence. In other cases, this would be want of fidelity. When you find yourself constrained, however, to give utterance to your dissent, let it be done mildly, respectfully, and in a manner fitted to win, rather than to revolt, the errorist. For example; instead of saying, to one who has been. delivering sentiments in which you cannot concur" You seem to me to talk absurdly ;". or, "Such opinions are grossly erroneous and mischievous ;"-or, "A person who can speak thus, must have either a weak head, or a bad heart."-Rather say- "I cannot concur in that opinion, for the following reasons, &c. ;" or, "You must pardon me for entirely dissenting from that doctrine;"-or, "Perhaps you have not adverted to some of the consequences of the opinion which you have just expressed ;" and so in other cases. We are never so likely to benefit those who broach erroneous opinions in our presence, as when we oppose them, without acrimony; with a mild benevolence of manner; and with such an exhibition of our rea

R

sons, as is adapted to convince their judgment, without wounding their pride.

14. Avoid a HAUGHTY AND AUTHORITATIVE MANNER in conversation. There are, undoubtedly, many elergymen who allow themselves to feel in the parlour, very much as they do in the pulpit; as if it were their prerogative to dictate their sentiments ex cathedra; and as if they expected to be heard, not as friends, but as superiours, and authorized instructors. Hence they have, habitually, something in their manner in company, which banishes ease, which chills confidence, which represses free inquiry; and which causes them to be listened to rather with constraint and timidity, than with affection. Carefully shun every thing of this kind. When you are conversing with friends in a parlour, you meet them on terms of equality. You are to address them, not as a lordly dictator, but as a respectful friend: not as having authority over their consciences, but as a helper of their instruction and their innocent pleasure. Avoid, therefore, in such circumstances, all harsh, dogmatical expressions and tones. not think to convince by your ipse dixit, or to put down an opponent by your sovereign authority. This would be proud dictation, rather than conversing; and ought to be carefully avoided by one who wishes to succeed, by addressing and treating men as rational beings;

Do

by respecting the rights of conscience; and by convincing the understandings of those whom he desires to gain.

15. As far as you can, AVOID CONTROVERSY in conversation, especially in mixed companies. I say, as far as you can. It is not always possible to avoid it. An impudent, rough, or vulgar attack, may compel you to take the stand and tone of a polemick, when you least of all desire it. When such a case occurs, it ought to be studiously met without heat or passion, and brought to a close as speedily as possible. But many good men love controversy; or, at any rate, are easily betrayed into it. They have so little knowledge of the world, and so little discretion, that they are always ready to give battle, whenever they see the banner of a party raised. And even if they be seated in large, mixed companies, and be in danger of having all eyes and ears turned to them; still they imagine that no disputable sentiment must be allowed to pass. This is a real infirmity. Watch and pray against it without ceasing. Never suffer the truth, if you can help it, to be trampled under feet in your presence. But there are many ways of interposing a mild, conciliatory word in its behalf, and doing it firmly, without allowing yourself to be drawn into a dispute. And in this case, the old me. dical maxim, obsta principiis, is of great va

lue. Be on the watch to avoid controversy, from the first moment you perceive a discrepance of opinion. A slight effort may be sufficient, in the beginning, to avert the evil, which, after going a few steps forward, will be utterly unavailing Before I take leave of this item, allow me, with especial earnestness, to put you on your guard against being drawn into controversy, in company, with aged men and with females. Never dream that you will be able to convince, or by any means to effect an alteration in the opinions of a man who has passed the age of three score, or three score and ten. You do not dispute with such an one on equal terms. If his opinions be ever so erroneous, he is probably wedded to them by long habit, as well as by strong prejudice. He will naturally consider himself as your superior, and take for granted that you cannot instruct him. Of course, you will find it difficult to use the same freedom and scope of argument with him, that you would with one nearer to an equality with yourself in age. Many of the same considerations apply to females. In acuteness, wit, sprightliness, and delicate raillery, they often prove very powerful opponents; while the hands of a male adversary are, in a great measure, tied, so that he cannot wield with unrestrained freedom many of those weapons which he might properly, and with

« PreviousContinue »