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happened that a timber-merchant came to the village, and enquired at the public-house if the landlord could direct him to a good purchase. The host very gravely recommended him to the parson of the parish ; for, says he, he has been felling wood for the last three weeks. The unwary traveller believed the information, and waited upon his Reverence ; the Doctor, astonished at the application, began to remonstrate with the merchant upon his iosolence, The man, equally surprised, very coolly gave his authority : when the Rector's wife thus unravelled the mystery : " My dear, I hope this will be a warning to you in futuru, not to preach three Sundays upon one and the same text!"
A certain fop was boasting in company that he had every sense in perfection; No, by G-d, said one who stood by, there is one you are entirely without-and that is common sense.
Miss - the daughter of Mr. ---, who drove stage coaches, happened to be seated in the stage-box at the theatre at York : the box was already taken by a Mrs. F , and on the latter's entrance, some altercation ensued, till Mrs. F-, recollecting herself, said, “ She could not dispute it with one who had an hereditary right to the box !"
A physian ordered a patient to live higher, (i. e. more freely); the poor man mistook the doctor, and removed to the garret, where unfurtunately he expired before his next visit,
A man carried a bag about at Scarborough, in which he said he had a cherry-coloured cat. The gentry flocked round him to see this great curiosity. When the man let the cat out of the bag, it proved a black one. He desired they would not wonder, as there were black cherries as well as red ones.
Dr. Wolcot, better known by the name of Peter Pindar, from the prodigious sale of his early pieces, became a desirable object of bookselling speculation, and about the year 1795, Robinson, Golding and Walker, entered into a treaty to grant him an annuity for his published works and on certain conditions for his unpublished ones. While this was pending, Peter had an attack of asthma, which he did not conceal or palliate, but at meetings of the parties his asthma always interrupted the business. A fatal result was of course anticipated, and instead of a sum of money, an annuity of £250. per annum was preferred. Soon after the bond was signed, Peter called on Walker, manager for the parties, who surveyed him with a scrutinizing eye, and asked him how he did. “Much better, thank you,” said Peter. “ I have taken measure of my asthma; the fellow is troublesome, but I know his strength, and am bis master." “ Oh !” said Walker, gravely, and turned into an adjoining room, where Mrs. Walker, a prudent woman, had been listening to the conversation. Peter, aware of the feeling, paid a keen attention to the husband and wife and heard the latter exclaim-" There now didn't I tell you he wou'da't die? Fool that you have been I knew he wou'dn't die,” Peter enjoyed the
joke, and outlived all the parties receiving the annuity for 24 years, during which various efforts were improperly used to frustrate his claim.
Fight EXTRAORDINARY.-A short time since, Thomas Dawson, a labourer of Garford, Berks, aged 91, had a trifling quarrel with a labourer of the same village, aged 85, which they agreed to settle (a la Belcher) in a nieghbouring meadow. The battle was contested, each party displayed the most determined spirit, and victory for a time was doubtful ; at length the fight terminated in favour of Dawson, who was not a little pleased at having beaten a man younger than himself. On the following day (although apparently not injured) he was too unwell to go to work, and gradually grew worse until the seventh day, when he expired. Dawson had been a labourer on the farın now occnpied by Mr. Harman, of Garford, for nearly seventy years, and was never known to be absent from his work a single day until after the fight.
Curious ANECDOTE.-Mr. Coke, of Longford, in the connty of Derby, (brother to Mr. Coke, of Norfolk) is the father of several amiable and accomplished daughters. One of the tenants on his estate, a young farmer of superior address and atainments had, by the depression of the times, become in arrears for his rent; his landlord sent for him, and expostulated with him on the subject, and hinted to him, that with his handsome person he might easily obtain a wife among some of his richer neighbours, that would soon enable him to pay off his arrears, and place him in better circumstances in the world. The young farmer listened to the advice, looked thoughtful, and departed. In a few days he returned again, and told his landlord he had been reflecting seriously on their last conversation, and would follow his counsel. At this interview, was one of the daughters of his wealthy landlord. In a short time afterwards, it was discovered, that John Greensmith (the farmer's name) had effectually taken the hint, and by an elopement to Gretna-green, had become the dutiful son-in-law of the gentlemen who had thus, unwittingly, bestowed upon him this sage advice.--Birmingham Chron.
A DRINKING SONG.
(By Lord Byron.)
Fill the goblet again ! for I never before
e are jealous !—Who's not ?-thou hast no such alloy,
When the box of Pandora was opened on earth,
Long life to the grape, and when summer is flown,
of our nectar shall gladden our own ; We must die !—Who shall not ?--may our sins be forgiven, And Hebe shall never be idle in Heaven.
Written under a Lady's name in a Window.
Three brilliants fair Celinde gracd,
(There love's artillery lies)
Two sparkled in her eyes.
The first, which shone with fainter rays,
Cou'd here her name impart;
More deeply on my heart,
How lovely the morning! Awake, my fair friend!
Come! let us its fragrance inhale, Where nature's sweet warblers their harmony blend, And Health, on the mountain, invites to ascend,
And catch her fresh tints from the gale.
Oh! come! now the blush of Aurora is bright,
As she welcomes the monarch of day :
And all nature around us is gay.
While we gaze on the beautiful scene,
As we trip o'er the dew-spangled green.