Look Me in the Eye: Caryl's Story

"Love addiction is every bit as addictive as any narcotic; ask me, I have been there. I knew I couldn't stay in an unhappy, abusive and destructive marriage. I didn't just love my husband; I was obsessed with him. I believed that if I stayed and loved him enough, he would change-but I was wrong." Caryl's story is a rare gift to our society as it provides an insight into an epidemic that brews behind closed doors in more homes than we would care to imagine. If statistics are accurate (the prevalence of abuse is much higher because domestic violence is notoriously under-reported), then a quarter of the female population in South Africa suffers abuse at home every week. In fact, 80% of violence that women suffer is at the hands of the men who supposedly love them. If we care at all for our humanity, society as a whole needs to take up Caryl's mantra of 'Abuse is No Excuse'. Few understand the nature or the power of abuse. We have never understood why someone would 'choose' to stay in an ongoing abusive relationship. However, in reading Caryl's story, she has enabled us to put ourselves in her place and are left to wonder if we would have been able to do it any differently given her history and her reality. This is the gift that Caryl brings us with her story and the honest way in which it is told-she makes it possible for us to move outside of ourselves and our own realities, judgments and prejudices so that we are able to walk the journey of another. This is a rare opportunity for us to truly 'live' the life of a victim of abuse and to understand-from a safe vantage point-the powerlessness, hopelessness and desperation. To find out more visit: www.abuseisnoexcuse.co.za