cannot attain to a longing desire to be gone hence, and to be there with Christ. I have laboured to raise up my heart, and have had enlargement, even when deadness and flatness had been upon me. I think sometimes, were my evidences clear for heaven, I would exult to be gone hence this very hour; but I find not this readiness at all times.

When I have had a good design in hand for God's glory, and some public benefit, I watched against vanity of mind, and vain glory in carrying it on; and I desire purely to aim at God's glory, and to be satisfied with my reward

reward in him. And I take heed, that I forget not my mortality, when I am pursuing that design; but I would fain bring up myself to this frame, to be contented to be taken hence in the midst of it, as judging that I shall be no loser by my removal, and that God cannot stand in need of that service. Lord, forgive my inordinate self love, which hath disturbed the actings of pure charity in several instances of moment. Self-love hath had motions contrary to the love of God and my neighbour. Nevertheless my judgment has disallowed it, and I have; for the most part, done

that which the love of God and my neighbour did command.

O Lord, forgive my ten thousand talents! I come to Jesus Christ, who hath made satisfaction, and lay this heavy reckoning to his account. Lord, forgive my iniquity, for it is exceeding great!

Upon

1675.

UPON the review of the foregoing evidences, after twelve years, I find through grace the same abiding in me, and more and more rooted. And some particulars which made me more to doubt of my good estate, I find to be since that time in a greater degree vanquished.

I have done what in me lies, to call to remembrance all my remarkable sins, from my childhood and youth till now and as far as I can judge, I have repented of them both generally and particularly.

c. 2

ticularly. And I now repent of them all, from the bottom of my heart, with a selfabhorrence, if I can know my own heart by the strictest and most impartial search that I can make.

Upon the best judgment that I can make of the nature of sin, and the frame of my own heart and course of life, I know no sin lying upon me, which doth not consist with habitual repentance, and with the hatred of sin, and with an unfeigned consent, that God be my Saviour and Sanctifier, and with the loving of God above all.

The mercy of God towards me in the prolonging of the

day