1776. Pernicious Effects of Hub- Money and Placemen.

rious reflections. I could name a certain gentleman, who exactly refembles Henry Guy, who the laft feffions, when the Houfe was a little out of humour, difpofed of no less than fixteen thousand pounds in three days time for fecret fervice. Who are in places we may find out, but God knows who have penfions, yet every man that made the leaft obfervation can remember, that fome who opened loudly at the beginning of the laft feffions, who came up as eager as it is poffible for reformation, had their mouths foon stopped with huh-money. It has been of fome time whispered, that if this will not at firft pre-engage to do what will be exacted at their hands, we hall have a parliament. I cannot tell whether a new parlia ment will not be practifed upon by the Carmarthen art; however, it is our laft and beft remedy for if this continues, God have mercy upon poor England. Hitherto we have been, and we are like, for ought I fee, to be repaid for all our expences of blood and treasure, with the fmoke which Boccalini mentions in his advices from Parnaffus, whereby the enemies of the government have but too great advantage given to them to ridicule us for our foolish credulity?

If men are to make fortunes by being of our fenate houfe, fays the fame gentleman, we had better ourselves pay the difbursements of those we

299

fend, we had better ourselves allow them plentiful falaries for fitting there; each particular county would fave by it in the public affeffments, and find their account in it, whilft they preferve their members from the temp tation, of being hired out of their intereft, and confequently get good laws for what they give. We can fcarce pay too much for good laws, and if we have not fome that we have not yet, we fhall not, when the war is over (let it end which way it will) be able to call what we have our own. In the late times, the City of London often petitioned for paffing of laws : will they always lend money now, and never expect a thorough alteration of the miniftry, and fecurities for the fu ture, against court projectors? In James Ift's. time, there were certain fparks, who undertook for Parliaments, that were called undertakers ; and there is a certain fecret that has ftoie out of our cabinet, that one of thefe, immediately on the King's refufing the triennial bill last feffions, undertook that it should be thrown out the next time they fat, with as much fcorn and contempt as was the judges bill. It is time to have annual parliaments instead of triennial, fince privy counsellors and lords of the trea fury (both which stations this perfon enjoys) can fo perfectly feel the pulle of a parliament during an interval.'

Anecdotes of the late celebrated Cardinal Alberoni †.

PIACENZA has given birth to

famous men; one of the, moft remarkable is the Cardinal Alberoni, who governed Spain for many years in quality of prime minifter: he was born in 1664 in a wretched cottage, fituated in a fuburb of the town his father was a gardener, but fo poor as to earn his bread by working by the day in little gardens belonging to the citizens; however, in procefs of time, Alberoni contrived fo to push his fortunes by his ingenuity, as to procure himself a fmall cure, which was to him, at that time, the utmoft pinnacle of human felicity. When the wars of Italy broke out, a certain

French poet, who was in the fuite of

the Duke de Vendome, had received
fome little fervices from the poor
curé, and wished to make him fome
flight return, for which purpose he
procured him the honour of feeing
and faluting that general: the duke,
who was a man of strong penetration,
no fooner faw Alberoni, than he be-
came prejudiced in his favour; he
converfed with him, and the curé did
not fail to difplay his protegie's parts
to the beft of his capacity. The firft
bufinefs that was intrufted to him he
acquitted himself of with alacrity;
this was the difcovering to the general
where the peasants concealed their
Q92

State Tras, time of king William, 11. 370.
+ Letters from Italj.

ftores

Anecdotes of Cardinal Alberoni.

To the EDITOR of the LONDON MAGAZINE,
SIR,

MR. Frankly, in his late ram

to a

bles, hath led his readers variety of places of pleafure and entertainment, of which the following is not the least amufing and inftructive.

THE VILLAGE. "WE did not stop till we got to a village about twenty miles from London. What a contraft to that metropolis! the beautiful fituation of this little place was really delightful; the fimplicity of many of its inhabitants frikingly pleafing. We alight ed at a very good inn, and after we had given orders for cur dinner, went out to be amufed with a walk. We were in a difpofition to be pleafed with every thing we faw and met. Were mankind oftener in fuch a harmonious temper, how much more delightful would this world appear, and how imperceptibly thould we glide over the little unevenneffes in the road which we meet with in our journey through life?"

THE TURTLE DOVES. TWO turtle doves out near the door of a cottage, ard were hung in foft, cooing, melancholy founds, were telling their artlefs tales of love, nor feemed to regret confinement.

"How fweetly pleafing," faid I, appear thefe harmless birds!-how faithful and difinterested is their union!-fo unaffected is their truth, that one will not many weeks furvive the other, nor ceafe to mourn till the like ftroke has pierced the fur vivor's bofom. There is fomething ftrikingly great in fuch natural conftancy, which is feldom fhaken, though variety be procured to amule. is

pity the human inhabitants of the world will not follow the example which the turtles fet before them, and, by endeavouring to imitate them, tafte a more exalted happiness."

A MATRIMONIAL SCENE. YOU are become the most extravagant, lazy, thoughtless B-——b,' cried a man, in a harth voice," that ever exifted." The reproof was followed by a blow, and the woman bcgged for mercy. I immediately went in-a decent pretty looking female was the object of her husband's rage.

301

"For fhame, defift,"-faid I."How unmanly to ufe a wife in fo into tears." Oh! William"-fhe cruel a manner!" The woman burft cried-" I never expected this from fleepless nights and miferable days you. Was it for this I paffed fo many when you were gone for a foldier, fake? I am neither extravagant nor and refufed fo many offers for your lazy. Times, I know, go hard with you; but I cannot earn to much as I did before the birth of my little boyprice of provifions. Many in this place nor will your ill-humour leffen the are greater fufferers than we are.

becaufe I fuppofe they were given by "You must keep birds, faid he, fome of the lovers you boast of to much

and fpend half your time in dref fing, that you may be finer than your neighbours. You had better fet more too, or you and your bantling may to the fpinning wheel--and you fhall ftarve for me."

"If it is misfortune and hardship
that have foured your temper," said I
I can hardly pity you. Your wife is
to the man, "I can forgive, though
a much greater object of compaffion.
hardships, as yourfeif? Why then will
Is the not equally expofed to the fame
you add the burden of ill nature ?
Surely her conftancy deferves better
from you. Difcontent adds greatly
to the evils with which we are encom-
furely leffen them. No longer repine
paffed. Fortitude and patience as
or grudge your wife her harmless fa-
vourites. Obferve them well, they
confined, and equally dependent on
may teach you happinefs. They are
you, as you on Providence, for the
good things of this life. Regard the
neatness of your wife as a compliment
paid you. It plainly fhews that the
till wishes to pleafe. Do you think
you ever fhould have married her, had
the appeared fluttish and in rags ?"
"Why, I believe I thould not," faid
he, boking down.

gave his wife two guineas, and hope
Hi confufion was a good fign. I
it purchafed a reconciliation. If it
brought about a reformation, it paid
ine noble intereft indeed."

To

302

June

To the EDITOR of the LONDON MAGAZINE.
SIR,

A Man who condemns fervility, and dumb with furprife when he took an

cannot conduct himself through life with what the world terms a prudent referve; but muft open his mind and fpeak out at all times, is very liable to meet with inconveniences, and to thwart his good fortune, and for my own part I have much to fet down to that account.

I believe, Sir, none who know me think me a cynic, or that I would wantonly affront any one, yet I am fo unfortunate as to fometimes wear the afpect of the former, and too frequently give room to fufpect the latter, without the leaft intention. This arifes, Sir, entirely from mifapprehenfion, and not from defign, it being my wifh to live in friendship with all people, but fome have too many fere places about them, it is hardly poffible to make a remark in their company without touching fome one or other, and when that happens, as it often will in familiar difcourfe, they are apt to look upon it as intended, and thereupon to take offence.

A remarkable inftance of this I well remember, though it is now upwards of fix years fince. At that time I paid my addreffes to the daughter of a certain captain in the Welt India trade, and as I really loved her, it will not be thought I would willingly have of fended her father. It happened, Sir, one day at dinner, when theatrical fubjects were on the carpet, and the company were expreffing their fentiments of particular characters, I took occafion to fay, that Mr. Murphy had, drawn his barber in The Upholsterer truly characteristical, and that the incomparable Woodward had with as true humour and judgement given it life. I had no fooner uttered it, than the Captain's countenance reddened with anger, and haftily putting down his knife and fork, he sternly asked me if I thought fo, for if I did, he would not give a damn for my tafte." It was obvious to every one that my obfervation had been the caufe of the captain's violent and fudden agitation, but it was impoffible for me to conceive why, and I was almoft ftruck

"I was

opportunity in the evening to tell me, no longer welcome at his houfe, and that he defpifed my rafcally reflection." It was in vain I required an explanation, and I was conftrained to depart quite ignorant of the real occafion of his pique.

Unable to fecrete fo extraordinary an occurrence, I chanced to mention it next morning to a friend, while (to borrow a phrafe of the captain) " I was taking in my daily cargo of powder and pomatum." "I beg your pardon for making fo free (intruded my hair-dreffer with a fmile) but I can difentangle the matter as easily as your hair. The captain, Sir, was brought up a barber, and served his apprenticeship with my mafler." This anecdote effectually difperfed the mist, and my friend joined me in a laugh at the captain's folly. Upon fathoming the subject a little deeper, we learned that the captain had ran away from his mafter before the expiration of his indentured time. All this, and perhaps much more, the captain thought I knew, when I made the remark on the barber, though I affure you, Sir, thefe very interesting facts had not then reached my knowledge, nor had I the most diftant reafon to fufpect any thing of the kind, as the captain had often declared "no tradesman fhould marry his daughter."

On another occafion, Sir, not feeing any beacons how to fteer my course, I ran fo foul of a very pretty married lady's anger, as at once to founder all the intereft I had in her good graces; for to let you into a fe cret, Sir, if I then had no more religion than Lord Ln, I might have fixed the antlers on her husband's brow. But this, a mighty exploit it must be confeffed in fo chafte an age, were it in my difpofition, is no longer in my power. Her hate towards me is irrevocably fealed, becaufe I was not witch enough to know that her father, formerly a fmall beer brewer, was a juftice of peace, and becaufe, ignorant of it, I happened to fay in her prefence, that the commiffion of peace

had

Inftances of falfe Honour and Pride.

had not, fince its origin, been difgraced with fuch mercenary and illiterate men as at prefent. Madam intantly told me I had behaved myfelf very ill to reflect fo on her dear papa; and with more warmth than truth, called me a calumniator; for the prefent worthy juftices were fo far from being mercenary or oppreffive to the poor, that one of them whom he knew was fo very kind, as to make it a rule to grant a warrant for fix

To the EDITOR of the LONDON MAGAZINE.
SIR,