« PreviousContinue »
WHO WENT TO SEE HIM, AND WHAT WAS SAID,
SUNG, AND DONE,
BY THE AUTHOR OF
OR, CURSING MADE EASY.
Three Doors from Ludgate Hill.
NOBLE LORD's BITE,
REPORTS of the most exaggerated nature having gone abroad respecting the accident, which is likely to deprive this country of the services of a certain N-e L-d, it is necessary, in order to calm universal alarm, that the public should have every suitable information: attention will, therefore, be paid to the following:
The newspapers say that his L---p was bitten in the hand by a favourite dog of her Ladyship’s, whilst playing with it at his country seat. A more probable report attributed it to his
LP's Dog G-FF-RD, an animal kept at the Custom House in Dublin, and thoroughly known there for barking and sneaking.
Again it was rumoured, that a dog had not bitten the N-e-d; but that the N-L-d had bitten an unfortunate dog, which immediately escaped, and the most fatal consequences were apprehended.
All these accounts are mistaken. The accident happened at his Lordship’s town house, at a time when he was in full health and spirits, in the following manner:
On the day before the family were going into the country and busily packing up, his L-p was unsuspectingly amusing himself in the house. Several of his servants were absent, by permission, or the fatal effects, now likely to ensue, might have been prevented. They had often warned him that there was a strange animal about the premises; the N-e L-d gave no heed to the caution, and was wholly off his guard when he was ran at furiously, and his L -p wounded in an instant.
From the simple bite of an ordinary house-dog little is to be feared; but in this case there is the utmost danger. The animal who inflicted the wound is of the old Bull breed, and is called Honesty. It is supposed to have entered the house with Sir FB-D-1 and his friends. His Lordship was much worried. The usual means were immediately tried to relieve him from the torture, with how little advantage is already known.
It became necessary to remove him with the utmost speed, as it was not ascertained what effect the virus would have on his system. He most unexpectedly desired to be sent to the Magdalen. Mr. C-NN-G affectionately inquired, why there? “It is established for the reception of reformed prostitutes !” answered his Lordship. From this moment all hope of his having escaped the venom was abandoned. : Doctor R-YN-Ds, from under whose hands Dr. W-T-N miraculously recovered, was now sent for. When he entered the room with Dr. OL-V-R, who arrived about the same time, the Noble Lord went into strong convulsions. Dr. R-YN-Ds, having ordered a plaster of salt and gunpowder to be applied to the lacérated flesh, consulted with his brother OL-y-R in an adjoining room. The Doctors, on their return, pronounced his Lordship past their art, and withdrew. Mr. C-NN-G sent for Lord E-D-N, Lord S-DM-H, Mr. VTT-T, Mr. ORANGE P-L, Mr.
W-B-F-E, and the R-RD-R of L-ND-N, who all arrived in less than half an hour. The Noble Lord's head was quite gone. He expressed no pleasure when they entered the room.
Mr. C-K-R came of himself, and opening the Quarterly Review at the article, entitled the Rise and Progress of Popular Disaffection, put it into his noble countryman's hand. His Lordship cried Pish! and flung it at the Secretary's head, who hastily retired to condole with Mr. G-FF-D and his friend Mr. M-RR-Y, the Publisher. It was thought proper to administer something ; but the Noble Patriot refused to swallow any thing his friends offered-repeatedly desiring to see Sir F-8 B-D-TT and Mr. B-GH-M in private. This was treated as the effect of light-headedness. His earnestness increased, and at last he said he would take the responsibility of sending for them on himself. The official personages, accustomed to this phrase in a parliamentary sense, smiled. The Noble Lord became obstinate and attempted to leave them; he was overpowered and secured. It is understood that the following unlooked for circumstances then occurred. They will be perused with extraordinary interest by all patient readers.
The CH-R of the Ex-R, when he entered the Noble Lord's room, held in his right hand the reformed book of psalms, prepared by the Lord Mayor's Chaplain for his Malling parishioners, which they refused to sing. He was gently walking up to propose one of these to the Noble Lord, when in the act of stooping, two goodly sized volumes fell from Mr. Van's bosom; the first consisted of Plans for extending the number of Bible Societies and Encreasing