yet over-rubicund withal-(alas! I then foreboded Mr. Waffle's fate!) That a teint thus favoured by nature should resort to the saucer to exhibit a complete rouge et noir, could only be accounted for by the "plus habet, plus optat." The reverse, however, was probably the case with the auburn ringlets which hung, in profusion, but dry and ochry, from the Brussels cap adorned with poppies and passion-flowers of Italian artifice. Mrs. Waffle, in a delicate manner, condoled with me on the loss I had experienced, hoping that in the end my constitution would be wastly benefited by the "catistroph." "I suppose, captain," she added, " you are of the Protestant persuasion?-mised, and she was sure had actualI thought as much!-Now if I may ly expedited, but which had not arask a foolish question, when a mis- rived this morning so late as eleven fortune like yours occurs in the ar- at the Spread Eagle in Gracechurchmy, do they give the limb a Christian street, unless Mr. Vaffle, whom she burial?" had sent three times about it, had "Dinner's on the table" was a wel-made one of his usual blunders; for come relief; for Mrs. Biffin had join-one, he confessed, had been offered ed the chatechization by asking whe- him there, with the direction three ther in case of computation the king parts torn off, and he was too conscifound the wooden leg, which it were entious forsooth to take him home. a shame if he did not. Whether it was by an unlucky fatality, or from a desire of doing me honour, the seat assigned to me was within half a yard of half a bushel of Hepburn's main, crowned by a blazing" Christmas log," on which occasion, Mr. Basil Jones, the packer of Camomile-street, flatteringly remarked, that he felt sure this was the first time that the baron turned his back to fire. Although the table seemed to groan under a butcher's shop of enormous joints, Mrs. Waffle politely apologized for the scantiness of the fare, and more especially for the absence of a Norfolk turkey, which the "Isence brother of her late husband had pro Every gentleman now took the hand of a lady in a very becoming and solemn manner, to hand her down to the parlour, but owing to the narrowness of the staircase, the advance took place en échelons; parallel motion being out of the question. It was somewhat ludicrous to see the shifts and squeezes to conform to this piece of etiquette; and the parlour of Mr. Waffle's "rum in urby" being of too snug dimensions to hold multum in parvo, a sort of a pit-door crowd accumulated in the passage, until the clever dispositions of the lady within afforded a gradual vent to the stoppage. "The name, my dear, began with a V, as I told you," rejoined Mr. W. in his own defence; " and would you have me commit a robbery knowingly? May the bit" Mrs. W. did not suffer the defence to proceed, she had not patience with such finical qualms.—" Allow me to help you to a spoonful of warmyshell soup, Captain Bitterhouse; 'tis of my own making, and I hope you will find it good. I never trust them nicer things to the servant. You will find it warm you." Warm me! What with the fire at my back, and the essence of pepper I swallowed within, not to appear uncivil, my frame began to burn with out of a crusted dish in the centre. On his expressing his heart's desire, Mrs. Waffle kindly asked, if any other lady or gentleman chose to taste the pigeon-pie; and no affirmative answer being received, Mr. Basil fever. In this state, a general invi- | tation to the ladies to take a glass of wine operated as a welcome relief to my parched gutturals. Here the respective parties, having first eyed each other with affectionate solemnity, cut a most demure face, and nod-Jones was politely informed, that if he ded their heads with slow gravity, a manœuvre which I imitated with tolerable success in favour of the lady of the house. "How d'ye like this wine, captain?" exclaimed the self-complacent Mr. Waffle.—“Very pleasant drink;" and so it was, indeed, in my situation, for all its India-rubber twang.-"I think it is: a better glass of cape you will not find in London; I had it out of the Docks and bottled it myself; 'tis equal to any sherry." The particularly wished it, the pie should be cut, although strictly speaking it was rather intended for supper. Mr. Jones, of course, was too much of a gentleman to press his request. At this time, the maid whispered a confidential communication in her mistress's ear, which, from the appalling effect it produced, seemed to import a sudden calamity in the family. "There now, Mr. W." exclaimed the disconsolate spouse, "the mince-pies are not come! You would not let me make them; you must forsooth order things in town, which I could have made better, and for a quarter of the money. Have you ordered them or not, Mr. Vaffle?"-" Ordered them, my love, at half-past four precisely, and paid for them too."-" Paid for them!" ejaculated Mrs. W. in an agony of distress. Here a note of preparation for the benefit of Mr. W.'s fut ture guidance appeared to be fairly on its way; but whatever its intended import may have been, her overpowered feelings stifled every kind of utterance, except a deep sob or two, accompanied by a gentle tear, furrowing its way over the crayon carnation. Among the immense store of animal food which graced the festive board, and which at a moderate computation would have fed twice our number for a week, nothing gained more admiration than a colossal mound of roasted beef. praises lavished on this mass of flesh were expressed with a sympathy and inward feeling, which a person, ignorant of the object, would certainly have taken for commendations bestowed on a friend or a near relation. Mr. Philpotts, one of the quorum, triumphantly asked, "I say, captain, have you ever seen such a bit a beef at Wolfenbuttel?"-The usual stale puns were called forth by a pickled tongue served as a relish to four boiled fowls, so mature in years, that Mrs. Waffle herself candidly vowed, they should be the last Mo-us; we protested that after such a ther Shephard sold at her house. It was therefore no wonder that Mr. Basil Jones should anticipate some indemnity from the sight of three or four pair of pigeons' claws projecting A female's tears, even on mincepies, could not fail to awaken all our sympathies; we spoke comfort all of dinner, the delicacy in question must have remained untouched; and we succeeded by soothing words to recover in some degree Mrs. W.'s spirits, and restore the general harmo five or so," and the two little Wafflings taking their station near their papa. The channels from which the several dainties proceeded were minutely and faithfully enumerated by Mr. Waffle, inasmuch as he had purveyed them in propria personá― the oranges from Levy Lyons in Upper Thames-street; the apples from Leadenhall-market; and the almonds and raisins were samples presented him by his friend a fruit-broker. Whencesoever all these delicacies came, they seemed to be provided for the benefit of the junior branches, who fell upon them with unceremonious appetite, while the senior members regaled themselves over currant, raisin, and orange wines in healths in ny of the festive board.-" Thank heaven," exclaimed Mrs. W. "I have not trusted the pudding to his management too! It has a little crack, owing to the cloth bursting, but you will not find it the worse for that."Here the ladies entered upon a minute inquiry as to the quantum of ingredients employed to produce so vast and yet so perfect a specimen of culinary art, and I ventured to beg the favour of being furnished with the written prescription for its confection, in order to transfer the mystery to my countrymen at Wol fenbuttel. My request not only was most obligingly promised to be attended to, but contributed wonderfully towards exhilarating the ruffled spirits of our hostess, which resum-numerable, a solitary decanter of port ed their buoyancy to such a degree, that she promised to cut me a slice to take home to Panton-square, to eat at my leisure, cold or broiled. In removing the cloth, Sally, in her zeal to whirl with expedition through the narrow space left for her evolutions, had the misfortune, for I pitied her more than myself, to drop a tumbler with brown stout right on my back, the thorough saturation of which, with caloric from Hepburn's main and the Christmas log, was such that it preserved me totally from taking cold, and moreover gave rise to an interesting physical phenomenon; for in less than half a minute, the vapours ascended as visibly as from a Greenwich stage-courser on a frosty morning, and induced Mr. Basil Jones, the packer of Camomile-street, to observe facetiously how "smoking hot" the baron's birth must be! in the middle of the table being unaccountably neglected by the master of the house. Not being accustomed to these home-brewed delicacies, the appearance of a bottle of champaign promised some consolation; but when asked how I liked it, sincerity compelled me to hint, that Mr. Waffle's wine-merchant had not altogether done him justice; upon which he cast a tender glance at his better half, and said, with arch significaney, "My wine-merchant, captain, has never yet done me injustice: the champaign you are drinking is of her own making, and I defy any man to distinguish her gooseberry-wine from real champaign: indeed, it's better than most of what we drink in this country as such. Take another glass, my good friend, it will do you good!" During this time, the zealous comWith the dessert were introduced petition of the little innocents for the the junior branches of the family, good things had fairly waxed into a the "three of her own" being accom- scramble, and little Jessy, in her eamodated near the widow of "forty-gerness to outdo her elder brother, unluckily disturbed the centre of gra- || hastened the departure of all our fair companions: a general rising, bowing, and squeezing ensued; after which our host, asserting a degree of authority which in the presence of his better half he had generously waved, marshalled his friends in new groups, and exhorting all present to a free and easy joviality, gave toasts and bumpers in rapid succession. Mr. Jones's nostrils had for some time vity of my full glass of British Epernay. The liquid stream, with national antipathy, instantly made its way to the mazarine blue of Mrs. Philpotts' French silk dress, and the sudden leap she was mechanically induced to perform on the occasion, only lengthened the streaky current. Some half phrases obscurely muttered, of which the words "brats" and "done for" were all I could distinct-pantomimed a sense of smelling, which ly gather, evidently shewed that this lady did not meekly bear her misforTo do Mrs. Waffle's brewing justice, I doubt whether real champaign would have been equally powerful in its effects, inasmuch as before the ladies withdrew, which was but a few minutes later, the seric garment distinctly exhibited the factious colours of blue and orange in great perfection. This untoward accident, no doubt, although equally palpable to my ol factory nerves, I had the good-breeding to suppress, until our friend informed us, that it was proceeding from Mrs. Waffle's smoking a ladies' cegar, which her delicate health had obliged her to resort to for a length of time, and which he had no doubt was the means of preserving her alive. (Tea and Cards in our next.) THE SHOPS OF PARIS. would not attract the most superficial glance. To the praise of the Parisians it must be admitted, that they know how to appreciate every good gift, and even virtue, but then it must make a noise: modesty itself ALEXANDER THE GREAT took the trouble to conquer the world merely to make the Athenians talk of him. To make the Parisians talk for a day, that would be a world too much, but for a year together, a world too little. To accomplish this, it would be ab-wins their applause, if it understands solutely necessary to lose the world after conquering it. For a person to make himself conspicuous in this gigantic capital, where, as in a vast ocean, wave is incessantly urging wave, no little practice is requiredbut in that particular not a single native is deficient. In other countries charlatanerie is the crutch of lame merit; here it is the necessary chasing, without which the most brilliant diamond Vol. III. No. XIII. the art of speaking without moving its lips. The artifices employed by each in his sphere to set off his person and properties to the best advantage, would fill a large volume. I shall here only take some notice of the means used by shopkeepers to attract customers. In those parts of the town where the theatres, the promenades, and other places of public resort are situated, where in consequence most G foreigners reside, there is scarcely, They are at the same time charac teristic sketches of Parisian life, and the study of them is therefore equal The shop of a dealer in shawls is graced by a picture containing seven figures of the size of life: it bears the any house without a shop. The powers of attraction must be played off to a minute, to a step; for a mi-ly instructive and entertaining. I will nute too late, or a step further, and briefly describe a few that have struck the passenger is before another shop, me. in which he finds the articles which he is seeking. Your eyes are, as it were, forcibly taken captive; you must look up, and stop till they re-superscription-AU SERMENT. Three turn. The name of the shopkeeper and his trade is written ten times over above the doors and windows; the exterior of the shop looks like a schoolboy's copy-book, in which the few words of the copy are incessantly repeated. It is not sufficient to exhibit patterns of stuffs, large rolls of them are hung before the door and windows. In many instances they are fastened high up the second floor, and descend twisted in all sorts of forms to the very pavement. The shoemaker has the outside of his whole house painted with shoes of all colours, drawn up en bataillon. The locksmith's sign is a gilt key six feet high; the mighty gates of heaven would not need a larger. On the hosiers' shops are painted white stockings four yards long, which in the dusk are enough to frighten people, when they may easily be mistaken for gigantic spectres flitting by. Thus has every one a prodigious hook even for the smallest fish that he intends to catch. But feet and eyes are arrested in a more agreeable manner by the paintings which are hung up in front of many shops, and in general furnish representations allusive to the trades carried on in them. These paintings are not rarely real works of art, and if they were exhibited in the gallery of the Louvre, connoisseurs would pause before them, if not with admiration, at least with pleasure. men are reaching several shawls to three ladies, and at the same time making with their hands motions of solemn asseveration. They swear that these are genuine French shawls, and may well add, that good Frenchmen abhor English commodities, for an Englishman in the back-ground casts angry glances at the patrioticomercantile triumvirate. Such is the obvious meaning of the picture, which, however, had formerly a secret signification. Till within these two years || the shawls offered to the ladies were white, red, and blue, and the gentlemen of the shop swore that these were the genuine colours cherished by every Frenchman; but by command of the hypochondriac police, which is afraid of every breath that blows, the shopkeeper was obliged to have one of the colours erased. Before the house of a wig-maker, not far from the preceding, is a painting, which, though ill executed, conveys a curious idea. Absalom, the prince royal, is seen hanging by the hair from a tree, in which situation he is run through the body by an enemy's spear. Underneath are these lines; Contemplez d'Absolon le déplorable sort! S'il eut porté perruque, il évitait la mort; which may be thus Englished: Beware the fate of Absalom, Who ran a dangerous rig: |