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equal, if not greater pain. In the day the sunshine mitigates it; and in cold or cloudy weather, such as has for some time past remarkably prevailed, the heat of a strong fire suspends it. In the night it is so troublesome, as not very easily to be borne.
I lie wrapped in flannel, with a very great fire near my bed; but whether it be that a recumbent posture encreases the pain, or that expansion by moderate warmth excites what a great heat dissipates, I can seldom remain in bed two hours at a time without the necessity of rising to heat the parts affected at the fire.
One night, between the pain and the spasms
in my stomach, I was insupportably distressed. On the next night, I think, I laid a blister to my back, and took opium; my night was tolerable, and, from that time, the spasms in my stomach, which disturbed me for many years, and for two past harrassed me almost to distraction, have nearly ceased; I suppose the breast is relaxed by the opium.
Having passed Thursday in Passion Week
at Mr. Thrale's, I came home on Friday morning, that I might pass the day unobserved; I had nothing but water, once in the morning, and once at bed time. I refused tea, after some deliberation, in the afternoon. They did not press it. I came home late, and was unwilling to carry my rheumatism to the cold church in the morning, unless that were rather an excuse made to myself. In the afternoon I went to church, but came late, I think at the Creed. I read Clarke's Sermon on the Death of Christ, and the Second Epistle to Timothy in Greek, but rather hastily. I then went to Thrale's, and had a very tedious and painful night. But the
in throat are gone; and, if either the pain, or the ppiate which the pain enforced, has
stopped them, the relief is very cheaply purchased. The pain harrasses
me much; yet many have the disease perhaps in a much higher degree, with want of food, fire, and covering, which I find thus grievous, with all the succours that riches and kindness can buy and give.
On Saturday I was not hungry, and did not
eat much breakfast. There was a dinner and company, at which I was persuaded of tempted to stay. At night I came home, sat up, and composed the prayer; and having ordered the maid to make the fire in my chamber, at eight went to rest, and had a tolerable night.
April 15, 1770, in the Morning. ALMIGHT
LMIGHTY and everlasting God, who hast preserved me; by thy fatherly care, through all the years of my past life, and now permittest me again to commemorate the sufferings and merits of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ; grant me so to partake of this Holy Rite, that the disquiet of my mind
may be appeased, that my faith may be encreased, my hope strengthened, and my life regulated by thy will. Make me truly thankful for that portion of health which thy mercy has restored, and enable me to use the remains of life to thy glory and my own salvation. Take not from me, O Lord, thy Holy Spirit; extinguish in my mind all sinful and inordinate desires; let me resolve to do that which is right; and let me by thy help, keep my resolutions. Let me, if it be best for me, at last know peace and comfort; but whatever state of life Thou shall appoint me, let me end it by a happy death, and enjoy eternal happiness in thy presence, for the sake of Jesus Christ our Lord, Amen.
One in the Afternoon. I am just returned from the communion,
having been very little interrupted in my duty by bodily pain.
I was very early at church, and used this
Prayer, I think, before service, with proper collects. I was composed during the service. I went to the table to hear the prefatory part of the office, then returned to my pew, and tried to settle some resolutions,
I resolved to form, this day, some plan for
reading the Scriptures. To rise by eight, or earlier. To form a plan for the regulation of my
daily life. To excite in myself such a fervent desire of
pleasing God, as should suppress all other passions,