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memorated the mystery of Redemption, and annually purposed to amend my life. My reigning sin, to which perhaps many others are appendant, is waste of time, and general sluggishness, to which I was always inclined, and, in part of my life, have been almost compelled, by morbid melancholy and disturbance of mind. Melancholy has had in me its paroxysms and remissions, but I have not improved the intervals, nor sufficiently resisted my natural inclination, or sickly habits. I will resolve, henceforth, to rise at eight in the morning, so far as resolution is proper, and I will pray
that God will strengthen me.
I have begun this morning
Though for the past week I have had an
anxious design of communicating today, I performed no particular act of devotion, till on Friday I went to church. My design was to pass part of the day in exercises of piety, but Mr. Boswell
interrupted me; of him, however, I could have rid myself, but poor Thrale, orbus et. exspes, came for comfort, and sat till seven, when we all went to church.
In the morning I had at church some
radiations of comfort.
I fasted, though less rigorously than at
other times. I, by negligence, poured milk into the tea, and, in the afternoon, drank one dish of coffee with Thrale; yet at night, after a fit of drowsiness, I felt myself very much disordered by emptiness, and called for tea, with peevish and impatient eagerness. My distress was very great.
Yesterday, I do not recollect that to go to
church came into my thoughts; but I sat in my chamber, preparing for preparation; interrupted, I know not how, I was near two hours at dinner.
I go now with hope,
LMIGHTY and most merciful Father, who hast preserved me, by thy tender forbearance, once more to commemorate thy love in the redemption of the world; grant that I may so live the residue of my days, as to obtain thy mercy when Thou shalt call me from the present state. Illuminate my thoughts with knowledge, and inflame my heart with holy desires.
Grant me to resolve well, and keep my resolutions; take not from me thy Holy Spirit, but in life and in death have mercy on me, for Jesus Christ's sake. Amen.
Acts of Forgiveness.
P.M. In the pew I read my Prayer, and
commended my friends, and those that died this year. At the altar I was generally attentive; some thoughts of vanity came into my mind while others were communicating; but I found, when I considered them, that they did not tend to irreverence of God. At the altar I renewed my resolutions. When I received, some tender images struck me. I was so mollified by the concluding address to our Saviour, that I could not utter it. The communicants were mostly women. At intervals I read collects, and recollected, as I could, my Prayer. Since my return, I have said it. 2 P.M.
May 21, 1776. These resolutions I have not practised nor
recollected. O God, grant me to begin now, for Jesus Christ's sake. Amen.
July 25, 1776. O God, who hast ordained that whatever is to be desired, should be sought by labour, and who, by thy blessing, bringest honest labour to good effect; look with inercy upon my studies and endeavours. Grant me, O Lord, to design only what is lawful and right; and afford me calmness of mind, and steadiness of purpose, that I may so do thy will in this short life, as to obtain happiness in the world to come, for the sake of Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.