CHAPTER IV

The Proposal-The Scotch Novel-Latitude-Miracles-Pestilent Heretics-Old Fraser-Wonderful Texts-No Armenian.

THE man in black having helped himself to some more of his favourite beverage, and tasted it, I thus addressed him : "The evening is getting rather advanced, and I can see that this lady," pointing to Belle, "is anxious for her tea, which she prefers to take cosily and comfortably with me in the dingle: the place, it is true, is as free to you as to ourselves, nevertheless, as we are located here by necessity, whilst you merely come as a visitor, I must take the liberty of telling you that we shall be glad to be alone, as soon as you have said what you have to say, and have finished the glass of refreshment at present in your hand. I think you said some time ago that one of your motives for coming hither was to induce me to enlist under the banner of Rome. I wish to know whether that was really the case?"

Decidedly so," said the man in black; “I come here principally in the hope of enlisting you in our regiment, in which I have no doubt you could do us excellent service.' Would you enlist my companion as well?" I demanded. "We should be only too proud to have her among us, whether she comes with you or alone," said the man in black, with a polite bow to Belle.

"Before we give you an answer,' I replied, "I would fain know more about you; perhaps you will declare your name?"

"That I will never do," said the man in black;

no one

in England knows it but myself, and I will not declare it, even in a dingle; as for the rest, Sono un Prete Cattolico Appostolico that is all that many a one of us can say for himself, and it assuredly means a great deal.

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'We will now proceed to business," said I. 'You must be aware that we English are generally considered a selfinterested people."

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And with considerable justice," said the man in black, drinking. “Well, you are a person of acute perception, and I will presently make it evident to you that it would be to your interest to join with us. You are at present, evidently, in very needy circumstances, and are lost, not only to yourself, but to the world; but should you enlist

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with us, I could find you an occupation not only agreeable, but one in which your talents would have free scope. would introduce you in the various grand houses here in England, to which I have myself admission, as a surprising young gentleman of infinite learning, who by dint of study has discovered that the Roman is the only true faith. I tell you confidently that our popish females would make a saint, nay, a God of you; they are fools enough for anything. There is one person in particular with whom I would wish to make you acquainted, in the hope that you would be able to help me to perform good service to the holy see. He is a gouty old fellow, of some learning, residing in an old hall, near the great western seaport, and is one of the very few amongst the English Catholics possessing a grain of sense. I think you could help us to govern him, for he is not unfrequently disposed to be restive, asks us strange questions-occasionally threatens us with his crutch; and behaves so that we are often afraid that we shall lose him, or, rather, his property, which he has bequeathed to us, and which is enormous. I am sure that you could help us to deal with him; sometimes with your humour, sometimes with your learning, and perhaps occasionally with your fists."

"And in what manner would you provide for my companion?” said I.

"We would place her at once," said the man in black, "in the house of two highly respectable Catholic ladies in this neighbourhood, where she would be treated with every care and consideration till her conversion should be accomplished in a regular manner; we would then remove her to a female monastic establishment, where, after undergoing a year's probation, during which time she would be instructed in every elegant accomplishment, she should take the veil. Her advancement would speedily follow, for, with such a face and figure, she would make a capital lady abbess, especially in Italy, to which country she would probably be sent; ladies of her hair and complexion-to say nothing of her height-being a curiosity in the south. With a little care and management she could soon obtain a vast reputation for sanctity; and who knows but after her death she might become a glorified saint-he! he! Sister Maria Theresa, for that is the name I propose you should bear. Holy Mother Maria Theresa-glorified and celestial

saint, I have the honour of drinking to your health," and the man in black drank.

"Well, Belle," said I, "what have you to say to the gentleman's proposal?"

That if he goes on in this way I will break his glass against his mouth.”

"You have heard the lady's answer," said I. "I have," said the man in black, "and shall not press the matter. I can't help, however, repeating that she would make a capital lady abbess; she would keep the nuns in order, I warrant her; no easy matter! Break the glass against my mouth-he! he! How she would send the holy utensils flying at the nuns' heads occasionally, and just the person to wring the nose of Satan, should he venture to appear one night in her cell in the shape of a handsome black man. No offence, madam, no offence, pray retain your seat, said he, observing that Belle had started up; "I mean no offence. Well, if you will not consent to be an abbess, perhaps you will consent to follow this young Zingaro, and to co-operate with him and us. a priest, madam, and can join you both in an instant, connubio stabili, as I suppose the knot has not been tied already."

I am

"Hold your mumping gibberish," said Belle, "and leave the dingle this moment, for though 'tis free to every one, you have no right to insult me in it."

Pray be pacified," said I to Belle, getting up, and placing myself between her and the man in black, "he will presently leave, take my word for it-there, sit down again," said I, as I led her to her seat; then, resuming my own, I said to the man in black: "I advise you to leave the dingle as soon as possible."

"I should wish to have your answer to my proposal first," said he.

Well, then, here you shall have it: I will not entertain your proposal; I detest your schemes: they are both wicked and foolish.

Wicked," said the man in black, "have they not-he! he! the furtherance of religion in view?"

"A religion," said I, "in which you yourself do not believe, and which you contemn."

"Whether I believe in it or not," said the man in black, "it is adapted for the generality of the human race; so Í

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It was

will forward it, and advise you to do the same. nearly extirpated in these regions, but it is springing up again, owing to circumstances. Radicalism is a good friend to us; all the liberals laud up our system out of hatred to the Established Church, though our system is ten times less liberal than the Church of England. Some of them have really come over to us. I myself confess a baronet who presided over the first radical meeting ever held in England—he was an atheist when he came over to us, in the hope of mortifying his own church—but he is now-ho! ho!-a real Catholic devotee quite afraid of my threats; I make him frequently scourge himself before me. Well, Radicalism does us good service, especially amongst the lower classes, for Radicalism chiefly flourishes amongst them; for though a baronet or two may be found amongst the radicals, and perhaps as many lords-fellows who have been discarded by their own order for clownishness, or something they have done-it incontestably flourishes best among the lower orders. Then the love of what is foreign is a great friend to us; this love is chiefly confined to the middle and upper classes. Some admire the French, and imitate them; others must needs be Spaniards, dress themselves up in a zamarra, stick a cigar in their mouth, and say, 'Carajo.' Others would pass for Germans; he! he! the idea of any one wishing to pass for a German ! but what has done us more service than anything else in these regions-I mean amidst the middle classes-has been the novel, the Scotch novel. The good folks, since they have read the novels, have become Jacobites; and, because all the Jacobs were Papists, the good folks must become Papists also, or, at least, papistically inclined. The very Scotch Presbyterians, since they have read the novels, are become all but Papists; I speak advisedly, having lately been amongst them. There's a trumpery bit of a half papist sect, called the Scotch Episcopalian Church, which lay dormant and nearly forgotten for upwards of a hundred years, which has of late got wonderfully into fashion in Scotland, because, forsooth, some of the long-haired gentry of the novels were said to belong to it, such as Montrose and Dundee; and to this the Presbyterians are going over in throngs, traducing and vilifying their own forefathers, or denying them altogether, and calling themselves descendants of-ho! ho! ho!-Scottish Cavaliers!!! I have heard

them myself repeating snatches of Jacobite ditties about 'Bonnie Dundee,' and—

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Come, fill up my cup, and fill up my can,
And saddle my horse, and call up my man.'

There's stuff for you! Not that I object to the first part of the ditty. It is natural enough that a Scotchman should cry, Come, fill up my cup!' more especially if he's drinking at another person's expense-all Scotchmen being fond of liquor at free cost: but Saddle his horse ! ! !'-for what purpose, I would ask? Where is the use of saddling a horse, unless you can ride him? and where was there ever a Scotchman who could ride?"

"Of course you have not a drop of Scotch blood in your veins," said I, otherwise you would never have uttered that last sentence.

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"Don't be too sure of that," said the man in black; "you know little of Popery if you imagine that it cannot extinguish love of country, even in a Scotchman. thorough-going Papist-and who more thorough-going than myself? cares nothing for his country; and why should he? he belongs to a system, and not to a country. "One thing," said I, connected with you, I cannot understand; you call yourself a thorough-going Papist, yet are continually saying the most pungent things against Popery, and turning to unbounded ridicule those who show any inclination to embrace it."

"Rome is a very sensible old body," said the man in black, "and little cares what her children say, provided they do her bidding. She knows several things, and amongst others, that no servants work so hard and faithfully as those who curse their masters at every stroke they do. She was not fool enough to be angry with the Miquelets of Alba, who renounced her, and called her 'puta' all the time they were cutting the throats of the Netherlanders. Now, if she allowed her faithful soldiers the latitude of renouncing her, and calling her puta' in the market-place, think not she is so unreasonable as to object to her faithful priests occasionally calling her 'puta' in the dingle."

But, said I, suppose some one were to tell the world some of the disorderly things which her priests say in the dingle?"