Page images


George. I cannot find the key, sir.

Can. Pr’ythee about it quickly, the hour chides Can. Request it of your mistress.

me; Wife. Come not to me for any key;

Warily, George, softly, take heed of eyes. I'll not be troubled to deliver it.

[Erit GEORGE. Can. Good wife, kind wife it is a needful Out of two evils he's accounted wise, trouble;

That can pick out the least; the five imposed But for my gown.

For an ungowned senator, is about Wife. Moths swallow down your gown; Forty cruzadoes, the carpet mot 'bove four. You set my teeth an edge with talking on't. Thus have I chosen the lesser evil yet; Cun. Nay pr’ythee sweet, I cannot meet with Preserved my patience, foiled her desperate wit.

out it; I should have a great fine set on my head.

Enter GEORGE. Wife. Set on your coxcomb; tush, fine me no George. Here, sir, here's the carpet. fines.

Can. O, well done, George, we'll cut it just in Can. Believe me (sweet) none greets the se

the midst. nate-house

'Tis very well, I thank thee; help it on. Without his robe of reverence, that's his gown. George. It must come over your head, sir, like Wife. Well then you're like to cross that custom a wench's petticoat. once,

Can. Thou’rt in the right, good George; it You get nor key, nor gown; and so depart.

must, indeed. This trick will vex him sure, and fret his heart. Fetch me a night-cap; for I'll gird it close,

[Exit. As if my health were queasy: 'twill show well Can. Stay, let me see, I must have some de Fora rude careless nighi-gown; will't not, think'st? vice;

George. Indifferent well, sir, for a night-gown, My cloak's too short: fie, fie, no cloak will do't; being girt aud plaited. It must be something fashioned like a gown, Can. Aye, and a night-cap on my head. With my arms out.—Oh, George, come hither. George. That's true, sir; I'll run and fetch one, George ;

and a staff,

[Erit GEORGE. I pr'ythee lend me thine advice.

Can. For thus they cannot chuse but conGeorge. Troth, sir, were it any


strue it: would

One that is out of health takes no delight, Break open chest.

Wears his apparel without appetite, Can. O no, break open chest ! that's a thief's And puts on heedless raiment without form. office;

Enter GEORGE. Therein you counsel me against my blood: 'Twould shew impatience that. Any meek means So, so, kind George, be secret now; and, pr’ythee, I would be glad io embrace. Mass, I have got it; Do not laugh at me, till I'm out of sight. Go, step up, fetch me down one of the carpets, George. I laugh ! not I, sir. The saddest coloured carpet, honest George; Can. Now to the senate-house ; Cut thou a hole in the middle for my neck, Methinks I'd rather wear, without a frown, Two for mine arms.-Nay, pr’ythee louk not A patient carpet than an angry gown. [Erit. strange.

George. Now looks my master just like one of George. I hope you do not think, sir, as you our +9 carpet knights, only he's somewhat the ho

nester of the two.

you, they

[ocr errors]


48 Cruzadoes.-A cruzado is a Portuguese coin, struck under Alphonsus V. about the year 1457, at the time when Pope Calixtus sent thither the bull for a croisade against the infidels. It had its name from a cross which it bears on one side ; the arms of Portugal being on the other. The value of it is 40 french sols, or upwards of 2s. 10d. sterling.

49 Carpet-knights.-The following account of this Order of Knighthood is taken from a Note, by Sir James Burrows, on Twelfth Night, A. 3. S. 4 : “ There was an order of Knighthood of the appellation of KNIGHTS OF THE CARPET, though few or no persons (at least among those whom I have consulted) seem to know any thing about it, or even to have heard of it. I have taken some memorandum concerning the institution, and know that William Lord Burgh of Scarborough-castle in the County of Surry, father to Thomas Lord Burgh, Deputy of Ireland, and to Sir John Burgh (who took the great Caracca ship in 1592) was made a Knight of the carpet, at Westminister, on the 2d of October, 1553, the day after Queen Mary's coronation : and I met with a list of all who were made so at the same time, in Strype's Memorials, vol. III. Appendix, p. 11. See Anstis's Observations on the Knighthood of the Bath, (Lond. 1725.) p. 50. Upon the accession of Queen Mary to the throne, a commission was granted to the Earl of Arundel, empowering him to make Knights, but witHout any additional title, within two days after the date of that patent, which were the two days preceding her coronation. In pursuance hereof, we

[ocr errors]


Enter Candido's Wife.

where's your mistress ? there's the finest, neatest

gentleman at my house, but newly come over; Wife. What, is your master gone?

O where is she, where is she, where is she? George. Yes, forsooth, his back is but new Roger. My mistress is abroad, but not anjongst turned.

them; my mistress is not the whore now that you Wife. And in his cloak? did he not vex and take her for. swear?

Bawd. How! is she not a whore ? do you go George. No; but he'll make you swear anon; about to take away her good name, Roger ? you no, indeed, he went away like a lamh.

are a fine pander, indeed. Wife. Key, sink to hell; still patient, patient Roger. I tell you, Madona Finger-lock, I ain still!

not sad for nothing; I ha' not eaten one good I am with child to vex him. Pr'ythee, George, meal this three and thirty days; I had wont to If e'er thou lookest for favour at my hands, get sixteen-pence by fetching a pottle of Ipocras; Uphold one jest for me.

but now those days are past; we had as good doGeorge. Against my master?

ings, Madona Finger-lock, she within doors, and Wife, 'Tis a mere jest, in faith ; say, wilt thou 1 without, as any poor young couple in Milan. do't?

Bawd. God's my life, and is she changed dow? George. Well, what is't?

Roger. I ha' lost by her squeamishness more Wife. Here, take this key; thou know'st where than would have builded twelve bawdy houses. all things lie;

Bawd. And had she no time to turn honest Put on thy master's best apparel, gown,

but now? what a vile woman is this! twenty Chain, cap, ruff, every thing; be like himself; pound a night, I'll be sworn, Roger, in gold and And, 'gainst his coming home, walk in the shop; no silver. Why, here was a time! if she should Feign the same carriage, and his patient look; ha' picked out a time, it could not be better! Twill breed but a jest, thou knowest : speak, wilt gold enough stirring; choice of men, choice of thou?

hair, choice of beards, choice of legs, and choice George. 'Twill wrong my master's patience. of every, every, every thing. It cannot sink into Wife. Pr’ythee, George.

my head, that she should be such an ass. Roger, George. Well, if you'll save me harmless, and I'll never believe it. put me under covert baron, I am content to. Roger. Here she comes now. please you, provided it may breed no wrong against him.

Enter BELLAFRONT. Wife. No wrong at all; here, take the key, be gone;

Bawd. O sweet Madona, on with your loose If any vex bim, this; if not this, none. (Ereunt. gown, your felt and your feather! there's the

sweetest, prop'rest, gallantest, gentleman at my SCENE VIII.

house; he smells all of musk and ambergrise, Enter a Bawd and Roger.

his pocket full of crowns, flame-coloured doublet,

red sattin hose, carnation silk stockings, and a leg Bawd. O Roger, Rnger, where's your mistress? | and a body,--oh!

find the names of the Knights, created by him, according to the stated form of creating Knights of the Bath ; and the variety of the ceremonies used so distinctly related, that it particularly deserves to be consulted in the Appendix,

“ So that Mr Anstis plainly considers them as being only a species of Knights of the Bath, though without any additional title.

“ If so, the appellation of Knights of the Carpet might be only popular; not their strict or proper title. This, however, was sufficient to induce Shakespeare (who wrote whilst they were commonly spoken of by such an appellation) to use that terim in contrast to a knighthood conferred upon a real soldier, as a reward of military valour.”

These Carpet Knights are spoken of with great contempt by many contemporary writers.
Massinger's Maid of Honour, A. 2. S. 5:

“ To men I had forborn it; you are women,

Or, at the best, loose Carpet Knights."
The Unnatura Combat, A. 3. S. 3.

“ There your Carpet Knights,
That never charged beyond a mistress' lips,

Are still most keen and valiant." See also Mr Steevens's Note on The Twelfth Night, vol. IV. p. 245, and Note to Beaumont and Fletcher, vol. IX. p. 349. edit. 1778.

him :

Bel. Hence thou, our sex’s monster, poisonous Rog. Scurvy, honest punk!-But stay, Madobawd,

na; how must our agreement be now? for, you Lust's factor, and damnation's orator!

know, I am to have all the comings-in at the hallGossip of hell, were all the harlots sins,

door, and you at the chamber-door. Which the whole world contains, numbered to- Bawd. True, Roger, except my vails. gether,

Rog. Vails, wbat vails? Thine far exceeds them all : of all the creatures, Bawd. Why, as thus; if a couple come in a That ever were created, thou art basest. coach, and light to lie down a little, then, Roger, What serpent would beguile thee of thy office? that's my fee, and you may walk abroad; for the It is detestable ; for thou liv'st

coachman himself is their pander. Upon the dregs of harlots; guard'st the door, Rog. Is he so? In truth, I have almost forgot, Whilst couples go to dancing. O, coarse devil! for want of exercise. But how, if I fetch this Thou art the bastard's curse, thou brand'st his citizen's wife to that gull, and that Madona to birth;

that gallant; how then? The letcher's French disease ; for thou dry-suck'st


Bawd. Why, then, Roger, you are to have six

pence a lane; so many lanes, so many sixpences. The harlnt's poison, and thine own confusion. Rog. Is't so? then I see we two shall agree,

Bawd. Marry come up, with a pox! have you and live together. nobody to rail against, but your bawd, now? Bawd. Aye, Roger, so long as there he any taBel. And you, knave, pander, kinsman to a verns and bawdy-houses in Milan. [Ereunt.

bawd! Roger. You and I, Madona, are cousins. Bel. Of the same blood and making, near

SCENE IX. allied; Thou that art slave to six-pence; base metald Enter BELLA FRONT, with a Lute; Pen, Ink, and villain!

Paper, being placed before her. Roger. Six-pence! nay, that's not so; I never

took under two shillings and four pence. I hope
I know my fee.

The courtier's flattering jewels,
Bel. I know not against which most to inveigh; (Temptation's only fuels ;)
For both of you are damn'd so equally.

The lawyer's ill-got moneys,
Thou never sparest for oaths; swear'st any thing, That suck up poor bees' honeys ;
As if thy soul were made of shoe-leather.

The citizen's son's riot ; God damn me, gentlemen, if she be within,

The gallant's costly diet ; When, in the next room, she's found dallying.

Silks and velvets, pearls and ambers, Roger. If it be my vocation to swear, every

Shall not draw me to their chambers. man in his vocation; I hope my betters swear, Silks and velvets, &c.

[She writes. and damn themselves; and why should not I?

Bel. Roger, you cheat kind gentlemen. Oh, tis in vain to write; it will not please.
Roger. The more gulls they.

Ink, on this paper, would ha' but presented Bel. Slave, I cashier thee.

The foul black spots that stick upon my soul; Bawd. And you do cashier him, he shall be And rather make me loathsomer, than wrought entertained.

My love's impression in Hipolito's thought. Roger. Shall I then so blurt o'your service? No, I must turn the chaste leaves of my breast, Bel

. As hell would have it, entertained by you! And pick out some sweet means to breed my I dare the devil himself to match those two.


[Erit. Hipolito, believe me, I will be Bawd. Marry gup! are you grown so holy, so As true unto thy heart, as thy heart to thee; pure, so honest, with a pox?

And hate all men, their gifts, and company.

So Blurt oyour service.- An expression of contempt very frequent in writers of the times.
Marston's First Part of Antonio and Mellida, A: 4:

Blirt on your Aye mees, guard her safely hence." And, in Edward III. A. 4. S. 6:

“ This day hath set derision on the French,
And all the world will blurt and scorn at us."

[ocr errors]





Fluel. What's here? instructions, admonitions,

and caveats! Come out, you scabbard of vengeMath. You, goody punk, subaudi cockatrice, Math. Fluello, spurn your hounds when they O, you're a sweet whore of your promise ; are foist; you shall not spurn my punk, I can tell you not, think you? how well you came to sup- you; my blood is vext. per to us last night ! Mew, a whore, and break Fluel. Pox o' your blood ! make it a quarrel. her word! Nay, you may blush, and hold down Math. You're a slave; will that serve turn? your head at it well enough; 'sfoot! ask these Omnes. 'Sblood, hold, hold ! gallants if we staid not till we were as hungry as

Cast. Math. Fluel. For shame put up. serjeants.

Math. Spurn my sweet varlet ! Fluel. Aye, and their yeomen too.

Bel. O how many thus, Cust. Nay, faith, acquaintance, let me tell you, Moved with a little folly, have let out you forgot yourself too much; we had excellent | Their souls in brothel houses ! fell down, and died cheer, rare vintage, and were drunk after supper. Just at their harlot's foot, as 'twere in pride.

Pior. And when we were in our wood-cocks, Fluel. Matheo, we shall meet. (sweet rogue !) a brace of gulls, dwelling here in Math. Aye, aye, any where, saving at church; the city, came in, and paid all the shot. 52 pray take heed we meet not there. Math. Pox on her, let her alone.

Fluel. Adieu, damnation ! Bel. O aye, pray do; if you be gentlemen,

Cast. Cockatrice, farewell! I

pray depart the house. Beshrew the door Pior. There's more deceit in women, than in For being so easily entreated; faith,


(Exeunt. I lent but little ear unto your talk;

Math. Ha, ha! thou dost gull 'em so rarely, My mind was busied otherwise, in troth, so naturally! if I did not think thou had'st been And so your words did unregarded pass : in earnest. Thou art a sweet rogue for't, i'faith. Let this suffice, I am not as I was.

Bel. Why are not you gone too, signior Matheo? Fluel. I am not what I was ! no, I'll be sworn I pray, depart my house ; you may believe me: thou art not: for thou wert honest at five, and in troth, I have no part of harlot in me. now thou’rt a punk at fifteen ; thou wert yester- Math. How's this? day a simple whore, and now thou’rt a cunning Bel. Indeed, I love you not; but hate you coney-catching baggage to-day. Bel. I'll say, I'm worse; I pray forsake me, Than any man, because you were the first

Gave money for my soul. You brake the ice, I do desire you leave me, gentlemen,

Which after turned a puddle: I was led And leave yourselves : 0, be not what you are, By your temptation to be miserable. Spendthrifts of soul and body!


pray, seek out some other that will fall, Let me persuade you to forsake all harlots, Or, rather, (I pray,) seek out none at all. Worse than the deadliest poisons; they are worse, Math. Is’t possible to be ? Impossible! An boFor o'er their souls hangs an eternal curse. nest whore! I have heard many honest wenches Iu being slaves to slaves, their labours perish : turn strumpets, with a wet finger; but for a harThey're seldom blest with fruit; for, ere it blos- lot to turn honest, is one of Hercules's labours. soms,

It was more easy for him, in one night, to make Many a worm confounds it.

fifty queans, than to make one of them honest They have no issue, but foul ugly ones,

again iu fitty years. Come, I hope, thou dost That run along with them, e'en to their graves; For, 'stead of children, they breed rank diseases; Bel. 'Tis time to leave off jesting, I had almost And all you gallants can bestow on them, Jested away salvation : I shall love you, Is that French infant, which ne'er acts, but speaks. If you will soon forsake me. What shallow son and heir, then, foolish gallant, Math. God be with thee. Would waste all his inheritance to purchase Bel. Oh, tempt no more women; shun their A tilthy loathed disease, and pawn his body

weighty curse! To a dry evil? That usury's worst of all, Women (at best) are bad, make them not worse. When the interest will eat out the principal. You gladly seek our sex's overthrow,

Muth. 'Sfoot, she gulls 'em the best! This is But not to raise our states. For all your wrongs always her fashion, when she would be rid of any Will you vouchsafe me but due recompence; company, that she cares not for, to enjoy mine To marry with me? alone,

Muth. How! marry with a punk, a cockatrice,



but jest.

s! Cockatrice-See Note 41 to The Antiquary, postea.
$2 The shot,-i. e, the reckoning ; a term still used in many parts of the kingdom.


: you love

waste :

my ruin!


marry, foh! I'll be burnt thorough the What will your lordship have to breakfast? nose first.

Hip. Sighs. Bel. Why, lah? these are your

oaths :

Sero. What to dinner? to undo us,

Hip. Tears. To put heaven from us, whilst our best hours Sero. The one of thein, my lord, will fill you

too full of wind; the other wet you too much. You love to make us lewd, but never chaste. What to supper? Math. I'll hear no more of this, this ground Hip. That which, now, thou canst not get me; upon;

the constancy of a woman. Thou'rt damned, for altering thy religion.

Sero. Indeed, that's harder to come by, than

(Exit. ever was Ostend. 53 Bel. Thy lust and sin speak so much: go thou, Hip. Pr’ythee, away.

Sero. I'll make away myself presently, which The first fall my soul took. By my example, few servants will do for their lords; but rather I hope few maidens now will put their heads help to make them away.- Now to my doorUnder men’s girdles; who least trusts, is njost keeping ; I hope to pick something out of it. wise :

[Erit. Men's oaths do cast a mist before our eyes. Hip. My Infelice's face, her brow, her eye, My best of wit be ready; now I go,

The dimple o.1 ber cheek; and such sweet skill By some device to greet Hipolito. [Exit. Hath from the cunning workman's pencil flown,

These lips look fresh and lively as her own;

Sceming to move and speak. 'Las ! now I see, Enter a Serdant, setting out a Table ; on which Adulterate complexion; here 'tis read;

The reason why fond women love to buy he places a Skull, a Picture, a Book, and a

False colours last after the true be dead. Taper.

Of all the roses grafted on her cheeks, Sero. So, this is Monday morning; and now

Of all the graces dancing in her eyes, must I to my housewifery. Would I had been of all the music set upon her tongue, created a shoemaker; for all the gentle craft are Of all that was past woman's excellence, gentlemen every Monday by their copy, and scorn In her white bosom; look, a painted board (then) to work one true stitch. My master means, Circumscribes all! Earth can no bliss afford; sure, to turn me into a student'; for bere's my Nothing of her but this ! This cannot speak; book, here my desk, here my light; this my It has no lap for me to rest upon; close chamber, and here my punk: so that this No lip worth tasting. Here the worms will feed, dull drowsy first day of the week makes me half As in her coffin. Hence, then, idle art! a priest, half a chandler, half a painter, half a True love's best pictured in a true-love's heart. sexton, aye, and half a bawd; for all this day Here art thou drawn, sweet maid, till this be dead! my office is to do nothing but keep the door. To So that thou Jiv'st twice, twice art buried. prove it, look you, this good face and yonder gen- Thou figure of my friend, lie there. What's here? tleman, so soon as ever my back's turned, will be Perhaps this shrewd pate was mine enemy's. naught together.

'Las !


it were, I need not fear him now:

For all his braves, his contumelious breath; Enter HIPOLITO. •

His frowns, though dagger-pointed; all his plot, Hip. Are all the windows shut?

Though ne'er so mischievous; his Italian pills; Sero. Close, sir, as the fist of a courtier that His quarrels; and that common fence, his law; hath stood in three reigns.

See, see, they're all eaten out; here's not left one; Hip. Thou art a faithful servant, and observ’st How clean they're pickt away to the bare bone ! The calendar, both of my soleinn vows

How mad are mortals, then, to rear great names And ceremonious sorrow: Get thee gone. On tops of swelling houses ! or to wear out I charge thee on thy life, let not the sound Their fingers ends in dirt, to scrape up gold ! Of any woman's voice pierce through that door. Not caring, so that sumpler-horse, S+ the back, Serd. If they do, my lord, I'll pierce some of Be hung with gaudy trappings, with what coarse, them.

Yea, rags most beggarly, they clothe the soul;

$3 Ostend.—The siege of this place is frequently alluded to in our ancient writers. It was taken by the Marquis of Spinola, on the 8th of Scptember, 1607, after it had held out three years and ten weeks. See “ A True History of the Memorable Siege of Ostend, and what passed on e.ther side, from the beginning of $o the Siege unto the yielding up oj the Town.” 4to, 1604.

54 Sumpter-horse, -A horse that carries the necessaries and expenses for a journey:

« PreviousContinue »