Prepared all from our numbered pence; if it
Should fail, Meager and I must creep into
Our quondam rags; a transmigration, Pall,
Which our divinity can ill endure.

Mea. If I have more left to maintain a large
stomach,

And a long bladder, than one comely shilling,
Together with a single ounce of hope,
I am the son of a carman.

Y. Pal. Do you suspect my prophecies,
That am your mint, your grand exchequer?

Pert. Pall, no suspicions, Pall; but we that
embark

Our whole stock in one vessel, would be glad
To have all pirates o' shore, and the winds
In a calm humour.

Mea. How fares the intelligence?

Y. Pal. I left them at the Lady Ample's house;

This street they needs must pass, if they reach home.

Pert. O I would fain project 'gainst the old knight;

Can we not share him too?

Y. Pal. This wheel must move Alone, Sir Morglay Thwack's too rugged yct, He'd interrupt the course; a little more O' the file will smooth him fit to be screwed up. Pert. Shrink off, Pall, I hear them.

Enter THWACK, Elder PALLATINE.

E. Pal. Thou hast not the art of patient lei

sure, to

Attend the aptitude of things; wouldst thou
Run on like a rude bull, on every object that
Doth heat the blood? this cunning abstinence
Will make her passions grow more violent.

Thwack. But, Pallatine, I do not find I have
The cruelty, or grace, to let a lady
Starve for a warm morsel.-

[PERT and MEAGER take Elder PALLATINE aside. Y. Pal. Now my fine Pert!

Pert. Sir, we have business for your ear; it may

Concern you much, therefore 'tis fit it be
Particular.

E. Pal. From whom?

Mea. A young lady, sir.

It is a secret will exact much care
And wisdom i the delivery; you should
Dismiss that gentleman.

E. Pal. A young lady! good!

All the best stars in the firmament are mine.
Our coach attends us, knight, i' the bottom of
The hither street, you must go home alone.
Thwack. I'll sooner kill a serjeant, choose my
jury

In the city, and be hanged for a tavern bush!
E. Pal. Wil't ruin all our destinies hath built?
Thwack. Come, what are those sly silk-worms
there, that creep
So close into their wool, as they would spin

For none but their dear selves? I hear them name a lady.

E. Pal. You heard them say then, she was young, and what Our covenants are, remember,

Thwack. Young, how young?

She left her worm-seed, and her coral whistle But a month since: do they mean so?

E. Pal. Morglay, our covenants is all I ask. Thwack. May be she hath a mind to me; for there's

A reverend humour in the blood, which thou Ne'er knew'st; perhaps she would have boys begot

Should be delivered with long beards; till thou Arrive at my full growth, thou'lt yield the world

Nought above dwarf or page.

E. Pal. Our covenants still, I cry!
Thwack. Faith, I'll stride my mule to-morrow,
and away

To the homely village in the north.
E. Pal. Why so?

Thwack. Alas, these silly covenants, you know,
I sealed to in my drink; and certain fears
Lurk in a remote corner of my head,
That say the game will all be your's.

E. Pal. But what success canst thou expect, since we have

Not yet enjoyed the city a full day? Thwack. I say, let me have woman; be she young

Or old, grandam or babe, I must have woman. E. Pal. Carry but thy patience like a gentle

Eater Elder Pallatine, Meager, and Pert, with Lights.

E. Pal. Gentlemen, if you please, lead me no further;

I have so little faith to believe this
The mansion of a lady, that I think
'Tis rather the decays of hell; a sad
Retirement for the fiend to sleep in
When he's sick with drinking sulphur.

Pert. Sir, you shall see this upper room is hung.

E. Pal. With cobwebs, sir, and those so large the may

Catch and ensnare dragons instead of flies,
Where sit a melancholy race of old

Norman spiders, that came in with the Con

queror.

Mea. This chamber will refresh your eyes,

when you

Have cause to enter it.

[Leads him to look in between the Hangings. E. Pal. A bed and canopy! There's show of entertainment there indeed; There lovers may have place to celebrate

Their warm wishes, and not take cold: But, gentlemen,

How comes the rest of this blind house so naked, So ruinous, and deformed?

Pert. Pray, sir, sit down:

If you have seen aught strange, or fit for wonder,
It but declares the hasty shifts to which
The poor distressed lady is exposed

In pursuit of your love. She hath good fame,
Great diguity, and wealth, and would be loth
To cheapen these by making her dull family
Bold witnesses of her desires with you:
Therefore, to avoid suspicion, to this place
She hath sent part of her neglected wardrobe.

E. Pal. Excuse my courage, gentlemen; good faith

I am not hold enough to think you so.

Pert. Nor will you yet be woo'd to such mistake.

E. Pal. Not all the art nor flattery you have, Can render you to my belief worse than Myself. Panders and bawds! good gentlemen, I shall be angry if you persuade me to So vile a thought.

Pert. Sir, you have cause,

And in good faith if you should think us such, We would make bold to cut that slender throat. E. Pal. How, sir?

Pert. That very throat through which the lusty grape,

And savoury morsel in the gamester's dish,
Steal down so leisurely with kingly gust.

Mea. Sir, it should open wide as the widest oyster I'the Venetian lake.

E. Pal. Gentlemen, it should. It is a throat I can so little hide

In such a cause, that I would whet your razor for't On my own shoe.

Pert. Enough, you shall know all :
This lady hath a noble mind, but 'tis

So much o'ermastered by her blood, we fear
Nothing but death, or you, can be her remedy.
E. Pal. And she is young?
Meu. O, as the April bud.

E. Pal. 'Twere pity, faith, she should be cast

away.

Pert. You have a soft and blessed heart; and to Prevent so sad a period of her sweet breath, Ourselves, this house, the habit of this room, The bed within, and your fair person, we

hoards.

Y. Pal. Yes, and his proud flocks; but you see

what they

Come to; a little room contains them all
At last so, so, convey them in again.
Because he is my elder brother,

My mother's maidenhead, and a country wit,
He shall not be exposed to bare thighs and a
Bald crown: what noise is that ?—

[Knocking within, PERT looks at the Door. Pert. Death! there's old Snore

The constable, his wife, a regiment of halberds,
And Mistress Queasy too, the landlady
That owns this house.

Mea. Belike they've heard our friend,

SCENEI.

Enter SNORE, Mrs SNORE, QUEASY, and Walch

men.

Mrs Snore. Days o' my breath, I have not seen the like!

What would you have my husband do? 'tis past One by Bow, and the bellman has gone twice. Quea. Good Master Snore, you are the constable,

You may do it, as they say, be it right or wrong: Tis four years rent come Childermas-eve next. Snore. You see, neighbour Queasy, the doors are open;

Here's no goods, no bawd left; I'd see the bawd. Mrs Snore. Aye, or the whores: my husband's the king's officer,

And still takes care, I warrant you, of bawds
And whores; shew him but a whore at this time
O'night, good man, you bring a bed i'faith.

Quea. I pray, Mistress Snore, let him search the parish,

They are not gone far, I must have my rent;
I hope there are whores and bawds in the parish.
Mrs Snore. Search now! it is too late; a wo-
man had

As good marry a cowlestaff as a constable,
If he must nothing but search and search, follow
His whores and bawds all day, and never com-

fort

His wife at night: I pr'ythee, lamb, let us to bed. Snore. It must be late; for gossip Nock, the nailman,

Had catechised his maids, and sung three catches And a song, ere we set forth.

[Exeunt.

Flung down thy ware.

Snore. Keep the peace, wife; keep the peace.
Mrs Snore. I will not peace; she took my sil-
ver thimble

To pawn, when I was a maid; I paid her
A penny a month use.

Quea. A maid! yes, sure;

By that token, goody Tongue, the midwife,
Had a dozen napkins o' your mother's best
Diaper, to keep silence; when she said
She left you at Saint Peter's fair, where you
Longed for pig.

Snore. Neighbour Queasy, this was not
In my time: what my wife hath done since I
Was constable, and the king's officer,
I'll answer; therefore, I say, keep the peace:
And when we've searched the two back room
I'll to bed.

VOL. I.