[Exit.

Of his heart, and what his brains do weigh.
But Engine, madam, is your humble creature.
Amp. I have bounty, Engine;
And thou shalt largely taste it, when the next
Fair sun is set, for then my wardship ends-
[Knocking within.

That speaks command, or haste; open the door.

Enter Lucy.

Lucy! weeping, my wench? melting thine eyes, As they had trespassed against light, and thou Would'st give them darkness for a punishment! Lucy. Undone, madam, without all hope, but what

Your pity will vouchsafe to minister.

Amp. Hast thou been struck by infamy! or

comest

A mourner from the funeral of love?

Lucy. I am the mourner, and the mourned; dead to

Myself, but left not rich enough to buy a grave:
My cruel aunt hath banished me her roof,
Exposed me to the night, the winds, and what
The raging elements on wanderers lay,
Left naked as first infancy or truth.

Gin. I could ne'er endure that old, moist-eyed
lady;

Methought she prayed too oft.
Amp. A mere receipt

To make her long-winded, which our devout
Physicians now prescribe to defer death.-
But, Lucy, can she urge no cause for this
Strange wrath, that you would willingly conceal?
Lucy. Suspicions of my chastity, which heaven
Must needs resist as false; though she accused
Me even in dream, where thoughts commit 16 by
chance,
Not appetite.

Amp. What ground had her suspect?

17

15 Mine-The 4to reads nine; the folio, my.

17 Suspect-i. e suspicion.

VOL. I.

20

Lucy. Young Pallatine, that wooed my heart

until

He gathered fondness where he planted love,
Was fallen unto such waut, as eager blood
And youth could not endure, and keep the laws
Inviolate; I, to prevent my fear,

Sold all my jewels, and my trifling wealth,
Bestowed them on him; and she thinks a more
Unholy consequence attends the gift.

Amp. This, Luce, is such apostacy in wit, As nature must degrade herself in woman to Forgive. Shall love put thee to charge? couldst thou

Permit thy lover to become thy pensioner?

Eng. Her sense will now be tickled till it ache. Amp.Thy feature and thy wit are wealth enough To keep thee high in all those vanities, That wild ambition, or expensive pride, Perform in youth; but thou invert'st their use: Thy lover, like the foolish adamant The steel, thou fiercely dost allure, and draw To spend thy virtue, not to get by it.

Lucy. This doctrine, madam, is but new to me. Amp. How have I lived, think'st thou ? c'en by my wits.

My guardian's contribution gave us gowns,
But cut from the curtains of a carrier's bed;
Jewels were wore, but such as potters' wives
Bake in the furnace for their daughters' wrists;
My woman's smocks so coarse, as they were spun
O'the tackling of a ship.

Gin. A coat of mail,

Quilted with wire, was soft sarsnet to them.

Amp. Our diet scarce so much as is prescribed To mortify; two eggs of emmets poached, A single bird, no bigger than a bee, Made up a feast.

Gin. He had starved me, but that
The green-sickness took away my stomach.
Amp. Thy disease, Ginet, made thee in love
with mortar,

And thou eat'st him up two foot of an old wall.
Eng. A privilege my master only gave
Unto her teeth; none else o'the house durst do't.
Amp. When, Lucy, I perceived this straitened
life,

Nature, my steward, I did call t' account,
And took from her exchequer so much wit
As has maintained me since. I led my fine
Trim-bearded males in a small subtle string
Of my soft hair; made them to offer up
And bow, and laughed at the idolatry.

Gin. A jewel for a kiss, and that half ravished.
Lucy. I feel I am inclined t'endeavour in
A calling: Madam, I'd be glad to live.

Amp. Know, Luce, this is no hospital for fools, My bed is yours, but on condition, Luce, That you redeem the credit of your sex; That you begin to tempt, and when the snare Hath caught the fowl, you plume 18 him till you get

More feathers than you lost to Pallatine.

Lucy. I shall not waste my hours in winding silk,

Or shelling peasccods with your ladyship.
Amp. Frosts on my heart! what, give unto a
suitor ?

Know, I would fain behold that silly monarch,
Bearded man, that durst woo me with half
So impudent a hope.

Eng. Madam, you are

Not far from the possession of your wish;
There is no language heard, no business now
In town, but what proclaims the arrival here,
This morn, of the elder Pallatine, brother
To him you named, and with him such an old
Imperial buskin knight, as the isle ne'er saw.
Amp. What's their design?

Eng. They will immure themselves
With diamonds, with all refulgent stones
That merit price: ask them who pays? why, ladies.
They'll feast with rich Provençal wines; who
pays?

Ladies. They'll shine in various habit, like
Eternal bridegrooms of the day; ask them
Who pays? Ladies. Lie with those ladies too,
And pay them, but with issue male, that shall
Inherit nothing but their wit, and do
The like to ladies when they grow to age.

Lucy. My ears received a taste of them be

fore.

Amp. Engine, how shall we see them? bless me, Engine,

With thy kind voice.

Eng. Though miracles are ceased, This, madam, is in the power of thought and time. Amp. I would kiss thee, Engine, but for an odd Nice humour in my lips; they blister at Inferior breath. This ring, and all my hopes Are thine: dear Engine, now project, and live. Gin. I'd lose my wedding to behold these dagonets.19

Amp. My guardian's out o' town. Let us triumph

Like Cæsar till to-morrow night; thou know'st
I'm then no more o' the family. I would,
Like a departing lamp, before I leave
You in the dark, spread in a glorious blaze.
Eng. Madam, command the keys, the house,
and me.

Amp. Spoke like the bold Cophetua's 20 son. Let us contrive within to tempt them hither.Follow, my Luce, restore thyself to fame

[Exeunt ENGINE, AMPLE, GINET. Young PALLATINE beckons Lucy from between the Hangings as she is going.

Y. Pal. Luce! Luce!

Lucy. Death on my eyes! how came you hither?

Y. Pal. I'm, Luce, a kind of peremptory fly, Shift houses still to follow the sun-beams; I must needs play in the flames of thy beautyLucy. You've used me with a Christian care; have you not?

Y. Pal. Come, I know all. I have been at thy aunt's house.

And there committed more disorder than
A storm in a ship, or a cannon bullet
Shot through a kitchen among shelves of pewter.
Lucy. This madness is not true, I hope.
Y. Pal. Yes, faith;

Witness a shower of malmsey lees, dropped from
Thy aunt's own urinal on this new morion.21
Lucy. Why, you have seen her then?

Y. Pal. Yes, and she looks like the old slut of
Babylon

Thou hast read of. I told her she must die,
And her beloved velvet hood be sold

To some Dutch brewer of Ratcliffe, to make
His yaw frow slippers.

Luy. Speak low. I am deprived
By thy rash wine of all atonement, now,
Unto her after legacies or love.

Y. Pal. My Luce, be magnified; I am all plot,
All stratagem; my brother is in town:
My Lady Ample's fame hath caught him, girl;
I'm told he means an instant visit hither.
Lucy. What happiness from this?
Y. Pal. As he departs

From hence, I have laid two instruments, Meager And Pert, that shall encounter his long ears With tales less true than those of Troy; they shall Endanger him, maugre his active wits,

And mount thee, little Luce, that thou may'st reach

To dandle Fate; to soothe them till they give
L's leave to make or alter destinies.

Lucy. You are too loud; whisper your plots
within.
[Exeunt.

Enter ENGINE, Elder PALLATINE, and THWACK. Eng. You call and govern, gentlemen, as if

Your business were above your haste; but know You where you are?

E. Pal. Sir Tyrant Thrift dwells here:
The Lady Ample is his ward; she is
Within, and we must see her: No excuses;
She is not old enough to be lock'd up
To sey new perukes, 22
or purge for rheum.
Thwack. Tell her, that a young devout knight,
made grey

By a charm, (to avoid temptation in others,)
Would speak with her.

Eng. I shall deliver you both.-
These tygers hunt their prey with a strange nostril.
Come unscut for so aptly to our wish!

[Erit. E. Pal. But this, Sir Morglay, will not do; in

troth

You break our covenants.

Thwack. Why, hear me plead.

E. Pal. From forty to fourscore, the written law
Runs so; this lady's in her nonage yet,
And you to press into my company,
Where visitations are decreed mine own,
Argues a heat that my rebukes must cool.
Thwack. What should I do? wouldst have me
keep my chamber,

And mend dark lanterns? invent steel mattocks,
Or weigh gunpowder? solitude leads me
To nothing less than treason; I shall conspire
To dig and blow up all, rather than sit still.

E. Pal. Follow your task; you see how early I
Have found this young inheritrix; go seek
The aged out; bones unto bones, like cards
Ill packed; shuffle yourselves together, till
You each dislike the game.

Thwack. 'Tis the cause I

Come for; a withered midwife, or a nurse
Who draws her lips together, like an eye
That gives the cautionary wink, are those
I would find here, so they be rich and fat.

Enter GINET.

Gin. My lady understands your haste, and she Herself consults now in affairs of haste; But yet will hastily approach to see

You, gentlemen, and then in haste return. [Exit. E. Pal. What's this, the superscription of a packet?

Thwack. Now does my blood wamble. You! sucket-eater! 123

[Offers to follow her, PALLATINE stays him,

20

2

observed;

I'll sue the forfeiture, leave you so poor,
Till, for preferment, you become an eunuch,
And sing a treble in a chauntry, knight.

Enter AMPLE, LUCY, GINET; Elder PALLATINE, and THWACK address to kiss them, and are thrust back.

Am. Stay, gentlemen.-Good souls, they have seen, Luce,

The country turtles bill, and think our lips,
I' the town and court, are worn for the same use.
Lucy. Pray how do the ladies there? poor

villagers,

They churn still, keep their dairies, and lay up For embroidered mantles against the heir's birth? Am. Who is begot i' the Christmas holidays? E. Pal. Yes, surely, when the spirit of mince-pie Reigns in the blood.

Am. What? penny gleek 24 I hope's In fashion yet, and the treacherous foot Not wanting on the table frame, to jog The husband, lest he lose the noble that Should pay the grocer's man for spice and fruit. Lucy. The good old butler shares too with his lady

In the box, bating for candles that were burnt After the clock struck ten.

Thwack. He doth indeed;

Poor country madams, they're in subjection still; The beasts, their husbands, make them sit on three Legged stools, like homely daughters of an hos

pital,

To knit socks for their cloven feet.

E. Pal. And when these tyrant husbands, too, grow old

(As they have still the impudence to live long)
Good ladies, they are fain to waste the sweet
And pleasant seasons of the day in boiling
Jellies for them, and rolling little pills
Of cambric lint to stuff their hollow teeth.
Lucy. And then the evenings, warrant ye, they
spend

With mother Spectacle, the curate's wife,
Who does inveigh against curling and dyed checks;
Heaves her devout impatient nose at oil
Of jessamin, and thinks powder of Paris more
Prophane than the ashes of a Romish martyr.

Am. And in the days of joy and triumph, sir,
(Which come as seldom to them as new gowns)
Then, humble wretches! they do frisk and dance
In narrow parlours to a single fiddle,
That squeaks forth tunes like a departing pig.
Lucy. Whilst the mad hinds shake from their

feet more dirt

Am. Do they not pour their wine too from an ewer,

Or small gilt cruce, like orange-water kept
To sprinkle holiday beards?

Lucy. And when a stranger comes, send seven miles post

By moon-shine, for another pint?

E. Pal. All these indeed are heavy truths;

but what

Do you, the exemplar madams of the town?
Play away your youth, as our hasty gamesters
Their light gold, not with desire to lose it,
But in a fond mistake that it will fit
No other use.

Thwack. And then reserve your age,
As superstitious sinners ill-got wealth,
Perhaps for the church, perhaps for hospitals.

E. Pal. If rich, you come to court, there learn
to be

At charge to teach your paraquetoes French,
And then allow them their interpreters,
Lest the sage fowl should lose their wisdom on
Such pages
of the presence, and the guard,
As have not past the seas.

Thwack. But if you're poor,

Like wanton monkeys chained from fruit,
You feed upon the itch of your own tails.

Lucy. Rose vinegar to wash that ruffian's

mouth!

Am. They come to live here by their wits, let them use them.

Lucy. They have so few, and those they spend

so fast,

They will leave none remaining to maintain them.
E. Pal. You shall maintain us; a community,
The subtle have decreed of late: you shall
Endow us with your bodies and your goods;
Yet use no manacles, called dull matrimony,
To oblige affection against wise nature,
Where it is lost, perhaps, through a disparity
Of years, or justly through distaste of crimes.
Am. Most excellent resolves!

E. Pal. But if you'll needs marry,
Expect not a single turf for a jointure;
Not so much land as will allow a grasshopper
A sallad.

Thwack. I would no more doubt to enjoy You two in all variety of wishes, (Were't not for certain covenants that I lately Signed to in my drink) than I would fear usury In a small poet or a cast corporal.

Am. You would not?

Thwack. But look to your old widows; Lest I should leave their twins upon the parish, There my title's good; see they be rich too, To whom the deputy o' the ward will deny

Blue coats at Easter, loaves at funerals, 'Cause they were sons of an old country wit.

Am. Why all for widows, sir; can nothing

that

Is young affect your mouldy appetite?

Enter ENGINE.

Eng. It lies here, gentlemen.

are wont

To talk too much over their marmalade;

They can't fare well, but all the town must hear't:
Their love's so full of praises, and so loud,
A man may with less noise lie with a drum.
Am. Think you so, sir?

Thwack. Give me an old widow, that commits sin

With the gravity of a corrupt judge,
Accepts of benefits in the dark, and can
Conceal them from the light.

[AMPLE takes Elder PALLATINE apart. Am. Pray, sir, allow me but your ear aside, Though this rude Clim i' the Clough 25 presume, In his desires more than his strength can justify, You should have nobler kindness than to think All ladies relish of an appetite, .

Bad as the worst your evil chance hath found.

E. Pal. All are alike to me; at least, I'll make Them so, with thin persuasions, and a short Expence of time.

Am. Then I have cast away My sight; my eyes have look'd themselves into A strong discase: but they shall bleed for it. E. Pal. Troth lady mine, I find small remedy. Am. Why came you hither, sir? She that shall sigh

Her easy spirits into wind for you,

Must not have hope the kindness of your breath

Will e'er recover her.

Lucy. What do I hear? Hymen defend! But three good corners to your little heart, And two already broiling on love's altar! Does this become her, Ginet? speak.

Gin. As age, and half a smock would become

me.

By the incorporeal spy your dwarf, or Audry
Of the chamber, that would deliver them
With as much caution, as they were attachments
Upon money newly paid.

Thwack. Nor no message,

From the old widow your mother, (if you
Have one) no, though she send for me when she
Is giving up her testy ghost; and lies

Half drowned in rheum, those floods of rheum in which

Her maids do daily dive to seek the teeth
She coughed out last.

[Exeunt ENGINE, Elder PALLATINE, THWACK. Lucy. 'Las! good old gentleman,

We shall see him shortly in as many night-caps
As would make sick Mahomet a turband
For the winter.

Am. Are they gone, Luce?

Lucy. Not like the hours, for they'll return again

Ere long; O you carried your false love rarely!
Am. How impudent these country fellows are!
Lucy. He thinks you're caught; he has you be-
tween's teeth,

And intends you for the very next bit
He means to swallow.

:

Am. Luce, I have a thousand thoughts
More than a kerchief can keep in quick girl,
Let us consult, and thou shalt find what silly
snipes

These witty gentlemen shall prove, and in
Their own confession too, or I'll cry flounders

Enter Younger PALLATINE, MEAGER, PERT, the two last being new clothed.

Y. Pal. Don Meager, and Don Pert, you neither found

These embroidered skins in your mother's womb: Surely nature's wardrobe is not thus laced?

Pert. We flourish, Pall, by the charter of thy smiles,

A little magnifyed with show, and thought
Of our new plot.

Mea. The chamber's bravely hung!
Pert. To thy own wish, a bed and canopy