The Ancient British Drama ...

No plots upon generation; we two
Have fasted so long, that we cannot think
Of begetting any thing, unless,
Like cannibals, we might eat our own issue.
Y. Pal. I say close; shrink in your morions;3 go.
Mca. Why hidden thus? a soldier may appear.
Y. Pal. Yes, in a suttler's hut on the pay-day;
But do you know the silence of this house,
The gravity and awe? here dwells a lady,
That hath not seen a street since good king Harry
Called her to a mask; she is more devout
Than a weaver of Banbury, that hopes
To entice heaven, by singing, to make him lord
Of twenty looms. I never saw her yet;
And to arrive at my preferment first
In your sweet company, will (I take it)
Add but little to my hopes. Retire; go.

[They step aside, whilst he calls between the hangings.

Pert. We shall obey; but do not tempt us now With sweetmeats for the nether palate; do not. Y. Pal. What Lucy! Luce! now is the old beldam

Misleading her to a cushion, where she
Must pray, and sigh, and fast, until her knees
Grow smaller than her knuckles. Lucy! Luce!
No hope; she is undone; she'il number o'er
As many orisons, as if she had

A bushel of beads to her rosary.

Lucy! my April love! my mistress, speak !—

To pieces, numberless as sand, or as
The doubts of guilt or love, in cowards are.
Y. Pal. How now, Luce! from what strange
coast this storm! ha?

Lucy. Thou dost out-drink the youth of Nor-
way at

Their marriage feasts, out-swear a puny gamester,

When his first misfortune rages out in quarrel;
One that rides post, and is stopt by a cart:
Thy walking hours are later in the night
Than those which drawers, traitors, or constables
Themselves do keep; for watchmen know thee
better

Than their lanthorns; and here's your surgeon's bill,

Your kind thrift (I thank you) hath sent it me
To pay, as if the poor exhibition
My aunt allows for aprons, would maintain
You in searcloths.- [Gives him a Paper.
Mea. Can the daughters of Brabant
Talk thus, when Younker-gheck leads them to a
stove?

Pert. I say, Meager, there is a small parcel
Of man, that rebels more than all the rest
Of his body; and I shall need (if I
Stay here) no elixir of beef to exalt
Nature, though I were leaner than a goat.
Y. Pal. This surgeon's a rogue, Luce; a fel-
low, Luce,

That hath no more care of a gentleman's
Credit, than of the lint he hath twice used.
Lucy. Well, sir, but what's that instrument he
names?

Y. Pal. He writes down here for a tool of injection,

2 Colm-The colon is the greatest and widest of the human intestines. S.

3 Morions--or murrions. See note 11 on The 2d Part of the Honest Whore, Dodsley's edit Than a weaver of Banbury-See note 50 to The Ordinary, ditto.

Luce, a small water-engine, which I bought
For my tailor's child to squirt at 'prentices.
Lucy. Aye, sir, he sins more against wit than
Heaven,

That knows not how t'excuse what he hath done :
I shall be old at twenty, Pallatine;
My grief to see thy manners and thy mind,
Hath wrought so much upon my heart.

Y. Pal. I'd as lieve keep our marriage-supper
In a church-yard, and beget our children
In a coffin, as hear thee prophesy.

Luce, thou art drunk, Luce; far gone in almond-
milk:

grow

To get it; justice sits for the same end;
Men are not wise without it, for it makes
Wisdom known; and to be a fool, and poor,
Is next t' old achs and bad fame; 'tis worse
Than to have six new creditors, they each
Twelve children, and not bread enough to make
The landlord a toast, when he calls for ale
And rent. Think on that, and rob thy aunt's
trunks

Ere she hath time to make an inventory.

Pert. A cunning pioneer; he works to the bottom.

Lucy. Hast thou no taste of heaven? wert thou begot

In a prison, and bred up in a galley?

Y. Pal. Luce, I speak like one that hath seen

the book

5 Debosh'd.-The 4to and folio read debash'd; debosh'd has the same meaning as debauch'd, and the word occurs in The Wandering Jew, 1640, p. 27.

"The more I strive to love my husband, the more his deboish'd courses begets my hate."

Again in Fennor's Compters Commonwealth, 1617, p. 27. :-For most commonly some knave or deboisht fellow, lurch the fooles their sons," &c.

See also Mr Steevens's note on The Tempest, A. 3. S. 2.

6 Whinyard,—a sword. So in Edward the Third, A. 1. S. 2:

7 Adam Bell,

"Nor from their button'd, tawny, leathern belts,
"Dismiss their biting whinyards,-till your king
"Cry out enough," &c.

-an outlaw, celebrated for his skill in archery. See Dr Percy's Reliques of Ancient Poetry, vol. 1. p. 143.

& Carcanets," A carcanet seems to have been a necklace set with stones, or strung with pearls." It is derived from the old French word carcan, whose diminutive was carcanet. See Cotgrave voce carcan. Carcanets are frequently mentioned by our ancient dramatic writers as in Cynthia's Revels, Induction :-"Makes her dote upon him, give him jewels, bracelets, carkenets," &c.

Ibid. A. 4. S. 3. :

"If your ladyships want embroidered gowns, tires of any fashion, rebatues, jewels, or carkanets, any thing whatsoever," &c.

Marston's Antonio and Mellida, p. 2. A. 1. S. 2. :—

"No, Lucio, my deare lord's wise, and knowes
"That tinsill glitter, or rich purfled robes,
"Curled haires, hung full of sparkling carcanets,
"Are not the true adornements of a wife."

Massinger's City Madam, A. 4. S. 4. :

-your carkanets,

"That did adorn your neck of equal value."

See also the notes of Dr Johnson, Mr Steevens, and Mr Warton on The Comedy of Errors, A. 3. §. 1. 9 Spoons." It was the custom formerly for the sponsors at christenings, to offer gilt spoons as a piesent to the child. These spoons were called apostle spoons, because the figures of the apostles were

Thy mother write thee illegitimate.
See me no more; I will not stay to bless
My gift, lest I should teach my patience suffer
Till I convert it into sin.

[Exit.

Y. Pal. Temptations will not thrive. This baggage sleeps

Cross-legg'd, and the devil has no more power
O'er that charm, than dead men o'er their lewd
heirs ;

I must marry her, and spend my revenue
In cradles, pins, and sope;

all

Enter Sir MORGLAY THWACK, Elder PALLATINE,
new and richly clothed, buttoning themselves.
E. Pal. Sir Morglay, come! the hours have
wings, and you

Are grown too old to overtake them: the town
Looks, methinks, as it would invite the country
To a feast.

Thwack. At which serjeants and their yeomen
10 that's the end of Must be no waiters, Pallatine, lest some
O'the guests pretend business. How dost like

That 'scape a deep river and a tall bough.

Mea. Pallatine, how much?

Pert. Honourable Pall!

Y. Pal. Gentlemen, you must accept without
'gaging

Your corporal oaths to repay in three days.
Pert. Not we, Pall, in three jubilees; fear

not.

Y. Pal. Nor shall you charge me with loud
vehemence

(Thrice before company) to wait you in
My chamber such a night; for then a certain
Drover of the south comes to pay you money.
Mea. On our new faiths.
Pert. On our allegiance, Pali.

Y. Pal. Go then-shift, and brush your skins
well; d'you hear?

Meet me at the new play, fair and perfumed:
There are strange words hang on the lips of ru-

mour.

Pert. Language of joy, dear Pall.
Y. Pul. This day is come

To town, the minion of the womb, my lads,
My elder brother, and he moves like some
Assyrian prince; his chariots measure leagues;
Witty as youthful poets in their wine;
Bold as a centaur at a feast, and kind
As virgins that were ne'er beguiled with love;

me?

E. Pal. As one old women shall no more avoid,

Than they can warm furs or muskadel.

Thwack. Palatine, to have a volatile ache,
That removes oftener than the Tartars' camp;
To have a stitch that sucks a man awry,
Till he shew crooked as a chesnut bough,
Or stand in the deformed guard of a fencer;
To have these hid in flesh, that has lived sinful
Fifty long years, yet husband so much strength
As could convey me hither, fourscore miles,
On a design of wit and glory; may
Be register'd for a strange northern act.

E. Pal. I cannot boast those noble maladies

As yet; but time, dear knight, as I have beard,
May make man's knowledge bold upon himself.
We travel in the grand cause. These smooth

carved on the tops of the handles. Such as were at once opulent and generous gave the whole twelve; those who were either more moderately rich, or liberal, escaped at the expence of the four Evangelists; or even sometimes contented themselves with presenting one spoon only, which exhibited the figure of any saint, in honour of whom the child received its name." Mr Steevens's note to King Henry VIII, A. 5. S. 2. where several instances of the mention of these spoons are exhibited.

1o Iụ cradles, pins, and sope.—So in The Lover's Progress, A. 4. :—

"Must I now

Have sour sauce after sweet meats? and be driven

To levy half a crown a week, besides

Clouts, sope, and candles, for my heir apparent."

Again in The Bashful Lover, by Massinger, A. 3. §. 1. :-.

Should you put it too for sope and candles, though he sell his flock for it, the baby must have his dug.' A Chast Mayd in Cheape-side, p. 25. :

"Halfe our gettings must run in sugar sops,

And nurses wages now, besides many a pound of sope
And tallow: we have need to get loynes of mutton still,
To save suet to change for candles."

The archer Cimbeline, or old king Lud
Advance his falchion here again, ere you,
'Mongst so much smoke, diseases, law, and noise.
Thwack. What your town gets by me, let them
lay up

For their orphans, and record in their annals.
I come to borrow where I'll never lend,
And buy what I'll never pay for.

Y. Pal. Not your debts?

Thwack. No, sir, though to a poor Brownist's widow;

Though she sigh all night, and have the next morning

Nothing to drink but her own tears.

E. Pal. Nor shalt thou lend money to a sick friend,

Though the sad worm lie mortgaged in his bed For the hire of his sheets.

Y. Pal. These are resolves

That give me newer wonder than your clothes; Why in such shining trim, like men that come From rifled tents, loaden with victory?

E. Pal. Yes, brother, or like eager heirs new dipp'd

In ink, that seal'd the day before in haste,
Lest parchment should grow dear. Know, youth,

we come

To be the business of all eyes, to take
The wall of our St George on his feast-day.
Thwack. Yes, and then embark at Dover, and
do

The like to St Dennis: all this, young sir,
Without charge too, I mean to us; we bring
A humorous odd philosophy to town,

That says, Pay nothing.

Y. Pal. Why, where have I lived?

I deny the major.
Thwack. Resist principles !

E. Pal. Good faith, though you should send me more epistles

Than young factors in their first voyage write Unto their short-haired friends; than absent lovers

Pen near their marriage week, to excuse the slow

Arrival of the licence and the ring;

Not one clipp'd penny should depart my reach. Y. Pal. This doctrine will not pass; how shall I live?

E. Pal. As we intend to do by our good wits. Y. Pal. How, brother, how?

E. Pal. Truth is a pleasant knowledge; Yet you shall have her cheap; Sir Morglay here, My kind disciple, and myself, have leased, Out all our rents and lands for pious uses.

Y. Pal. What, co-founders! give legacies ere
death!

Pallatine the pious, and Saint Morglay!
Your names will sound but ill i'the calendar.
How long must this fierce raging zeal continue?
E. Pal. Till we subsist here no more by our

wit,

Then we'll renounce the town, and patiently
Vouchsafe to re-asume our mother earth,
Lead on our plows into their rugged walks
Again, grope our young heifers in the flank,
And swagger in the wool which we shall borrow
From our own flocks.

Thwack. But, cre we go, we may,
From the vast treasure purchased by our wit,
Leave here some monument to speak our fame.
I have a strong mind to re-edify

The decays of Fleet-Ditch; from whence I hear The roaring vestals late are fled, through heat Of persecution.

Y. Pal. What a small star have I,

E. Pal. Brother, be calm, and edify; but That never yet could light me to this way!

first

Receive a principle: Never hereafter,

sigh,

Live by our wits!

E. Pal. So live, that usurers

From this warm breathing, till your last cold Shall call their monies in, remove their bank
To Ordinaries, Spring-garden, and Hyde-park,
Whilst their glad sons are left seven for their
chance,

Will I disburse for you again; never.

Y. Pal. Brother mine, if that be your argument,

"A poor Brownist's widow.—The Brownists at this time seem to have been the constant objects of popular satire. The founder of the sect was Robert Browne, a knight's son of Rutlandshire, and educated at Cambridge. He was afterwards pastor of Aychurch in Northamptonshire, and spent great part of his life in several prisons, to which he was committed for his steady adherence to the opinions which be entertained. He died in jail at Northampton, in the year 1630, or, according to others, 1634, when he was not less than 80 years of age. See also the notes of Dr Grey and Mr Steevens, to Twelfth Night,

A. 3. S. 2.

(") At hazard, sir: a hundred, and all made at sent.-Folio edit.

12 At sent.Query cent, a game mentioned in The Dumb Knight, A. 4. S. 1. and corruptedly written saint. S.

This game is frequently mentioned in ancient writers, and is usually spelt saunt, probably the manner in which the French word cent was then pronounced. In Gervas Markham's Famous Whore; or, Noble

I' the town? 'tis long since we did traffick here
In midnight whispers, when the dialect
Of love's loose wit is frighted into signs,
And secret laughter stifled into smiles;
When nothing's loud but the old nurse's cough,-
Who keeps the game up, ha; who misled now?
Thwack. Not sir, that if we wooe, we'll be at
charge

For looks; or if we marry make a jointure.
Entail land on women! entail a back,
And so much else of man as Nature did
Provide for the first wife.

E. Pal. I could keep thee,

Thy future pride, thy surfeits, and thy lust, (I mean, in such a garb as may become A Christian gentleman) with the sole tithe Of tribute I shall now receive from ladies. Thwack. Your brother and myself have seal'd to covenants;

The female youth of the town are his; but all
From forty to fourscore mine own: A widow,
You'll say, is a wise, solemn, wary creature:
Though she hath lived to the cunning of dispatch,
Closed up nine husbands' eyes, and have the
wealth

Of all their testaments; in one month, sir,
I will waste her to her first wedding-smock,
Her single ring, bodkin, and velvet muff.

Y. Pal. Your rents exposed at home for pious

uses,

Must expiate your behaviour here tell me,
Is that the subtle plot you have on heaven?
Thwack. The worm of your worship's conscience
would appear

As big as a conger; but a good eye
May chance to find it slender as a grig.

Y. Pal. Amazement knows no ease, but in demands:

Pray tell me, gentlemen, to all this vast
Desigument (which so strikes my ear) deduct
You nought from your revenue, nought that may,
Like fuel, feed the flame of your expence?
E. Pal. Brother, not so much as will find a Jew
Bacon to his eggs: these gay tempting weeds,
These eastern stones of cunning foil, bespoke

'Gainst our arrival here, together with
A certain stock of crowns in either's purse,
Is all the charge that from our proper own
Begins or furthers the magnific plot;
And of these crowns, not one must be usurped
By you.

Thwack. No relief, but wit and good counsel,
E. Pal. The stock my father left you, if your

care

Had purposed so discreet a course, might well Have set you up i'the trade; but we spend light, Our coach is yet unwheeled.-Sir Morglay, come, Let's suit those Friesland horse with our own strain.

Y. Pal. Why, gentlemen, will the design keep horses?

Thwack. May be, sir, they shall live by their wits too.

Y. Pal. Their masters are bad tutors else: well,

how

You'll work the ladies, and weak gentry here,
By your fine gilded pills, a faith that is
Not old may guess without distrust. But, sirs,
The city (take't on my experiment)
Will not be gulled."

Thwack. Not gulled! they dare not be
So impudent: I say they shall be gulled;
And trust, and break, and pawn their charter too.
Y. Pal. Is it lawful, brother, for me to laugh,
That have no money?

E. Pul. Yes, sir, at yourself.

Y. Pal. Two that have tasted Nature's kind

Courte: an, 1609, 4to, Sign. D 4, it is called mont cent.

"Were it mont cent, primero, or at chesse,

I wan with most, and lost still with the lesse."

13 Beggibrigge.-The fol. reads peggibrige. Perhaps the name of some famous borse, 14 Hench-boys.-See note 13 to The Muse's Looking-Glass.

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