Aler. So would I, were I Hephestion. But come, let us go and give release, as I promised, to our Theban thralls. [Exeunt. Pla. Thou art fortunate, Aristotle, that Alexander is thy scholar. Aris. And all you happy, that he is your sovereign. Cri. I could like the man well, if he could be contented to be but a man. Aris. He seeketh to draw near to the Gods in knowledge, not to be a God. Enter DIOGENES. Pla. Let us question a little with Diogenes, why he went not with us to Alexander.-Diogenes, thou didst forget thy duty, that thou wentest not with us to the king. Dio. And you your profession, that you went to the king. Pla. Thou takest as great pride to be peevish, as others do glory to be virtuous. Dio. And thou as great honour, being a philo sopher, to be thought court-like, as others shame, that be courtiers, to be accounted philosophers. Aris. These austere manners set aside, it is well known that thou didst counterfeit money. Dio. And thou thy manners, in that thou didst not counterfeit money. Aris. Thou hast reason to contemn the court, being, both in body and mind, too crooked for a courtier. Dio. As good be crooked, and endeavour to make myself straight from the court, as to be straight, and learn to be crooked at the court. Cra. Thou thinkest it a grace to be opposite against Alexander. Dio. 7 And thou to be jump with Alexander. Anax. Let us go; for in contemning him, we shall better please him, than in wondering at him. Aris. Plato, what dost thou think of Dio genes? Pla. To be Socrates, furious. Let us go. [Exeunt Philosoph 17 And thou to be jump with Alexander-To be jump, is to agree. So, in Pierce Penilesse his Supplication to the Divell, p. 29: "Not two of them jump in one tale.” Shakespeare's Richard III. A. 3. S. 1 : "No more can you distinguish of a man, Than of his outward shew; which, God he knows, Tarlton's Newes out of Purgatory, 1630, p. 31: "Masse Vickar, assoone as hee saw these, had a reach in his head, and jumpt with the travailer to buie one; a price was pitcht, &c." It is a common phrase even at present to say, Great wits jump, when two persons concur in the same thought without any communication with each other. Gra. Why, I am a scholar, and well seen in philosophy. Psyl. And I a 'prentice, and well seen in painting. Dio. Well then, Granichus, be thou a painter to amend thine ill face; and thou, Psyllus, a philosopher, to correct thine evil manners.- But who is that, Manes? Manes. I care not who I were, so I were not Manes. Gra. You are taken tardy. Psyl. Let us slip aside, Granichus, to see the salutation between Manes and his master. Dio. Manes, thou know'st the last day I threw away my dish, to drink in my hand, because it was superfluous; now I am determined to put away my man, and serve myself: quia non egeo tui vel te. Manes. Master, you know a while ago I ran away; so do I mean to do again: quia scio tibi non esse argentum. Dio. I know I have no money, neither will I have ever a man: for I was resolv'd long since to put away both my slaves, money, and Manes. Manes. So was I determin'd to shake off both my dogs, hunger, and Diogenes. Psyl. 18 O sweet consent between a crowd and a Jew's harp! Gra. Come, let us reconcile them. Psyl. It shall not need, for this is their use: now do they dine one upon another. [Exit DIOGENES. Gra. How now, Manes, art thou gone from thy master? Manes. No, I did but now bind myself to him. 18 sweet consent between a crowd and a Jew's harp!-The word crowd is an ancient word for a fiddle, and a crowder a player on that instrument. It appears from Junius's Etymologicon, in voce, and from Spelman's Glossary, v. crotta, that it is a term of considerable antiquity, but it is very doubtful whether it had originally the same meaning we now assign to it. Probably it might mean a musical instrument, very different from the violin. See Gent. Mag. 1767, p. 561. Ben Jonson's Cynthia's Revels, A. I. S. 1 :—“ A lacquey that runs on errands for him, and can whisper a light message to a loose wench with some round volubility, wait mannerly at a table with a trencher, and warble upon a crowd a little, fill out nectar when Ganymede's away," &c. 19 Wherein you resemble the lapwing, who crieth most where her nest is not.-This simile occurs in our ancient writers perhaps more frequently than any other which can be pointed out. In the Old Law, by Massinger, Middleton, and Rowley, A. 4. S. 2: "I'as the lapwing's cunning, I am afraid my lord, "Like to the lapwing The Witch of Edmonton, 1638, by Rowley, Dekker, and Ford, A. 2. S. 2: have you all this while deluded me? pretending counterfeit senses for your discontent, and now at last it is by chance stole from you." Rowley's Search for Money, 1609, p. 22 : "—yet it may be this sir, dealt like a lapwing with us, and cryed furthest of the nest.' The Bel-man's Night Walkes, by Dekker: "It hath the head of a man (the face well bearded), the eyes of a hawke, the tongue of a lapwing, which saics heere it is, when the nest is a good way off.' Lyly himself also uses it in the Epistle Dedicatorie to Euphues and his England, 1582: And in this I resemble the lapwing, who fearing her young ones to be destroyed by passengers, flieth with a false crie farre from the neasts, making those that looke for them seeke where they are not." See other examples in the Notes of Mr Steevens Mr Smith, and Dr Grey, to Shakespeare, Vol. II. pp. 28. and 215, where her nest is not. And so, you lead me from espying your love with Campaspe, you cry Timoclea. Heph. Could I as well subdue kingdoms as I can my thoughts, or were I as far from ambition as I am from love, all the world would account me as valiant in arms, as I know myself moderate in affection. Aler. Is love a vice? Alex. Well, now shalt thou see what small difference I make between Alexander and Hephestion. And since thou hast been always partaker of my triumphs, thou shalt be partaker of my torments: I love Hephestion, I love Campaspe; a thing far unfit for a Macedonian, for a king, for Alexander. Why hangest thou down thy head, Hephestion, blushing to hear that which I am not ashamed to tell? Heph. Might my words crave pardon, and my counsel credit, I would both discharge the duty of a subject, for so I am, and the office of a friend, for so I will. Aler. Speak, Hephestion; for whatsoever is spoken, Hephestion speaketh to Alexander. cious stones that are polished with honey, which the smoother they look, the sooner they break. It is thought wonderful among the seamen, that mugil, of all fishes the swiftest, is found in the belly of the bret, of all the slowest: and shall it not seem monstrous to wise men, that the heart of the greatest conqueror of the world should be found in the hands of the weakest creature of nature? of a woman? of a captive? Ermins have fair skins, but foul livers; sepulchres fresh colours, but rotten bones; women fair faces, but false hearts. Remember, Alexander, thou hast a camp to govern, not a chamber; fall not from the armour of Mars to the arms of Venus; from the fiery assaults of war, to the maidenly skir mishes of love; from displaying the eagle in thine ensign, to set down the sparrow. I sigh, Alexander, that where fortune could not conquer, folly should overcome. But behold all the perfection that may be in Campaspe; a hair curling by nature, not art; sweet alluring eyes; a fair face made in despite of Venus, and a stately port in disdain of Juno; a wit apt to conceive, and quick to answer; a skin as soft as silk, and as smooth as jet; a long white hand, a fine little foot; to conclude, all parts answerable to the best part: what of this? though she have heavenly gifts, virtue and beauty, is she not of earthly metal, flesh and blood? You, Alexander, that would be a god, shew yourself in this worse than a man, so soon to be both overseen and overtaken in a woman, whose false tears know their true times, whose smooth words wound deeper than sharp swords. There is no surfeit so dangerous as that of honey, nor any poison so deadly as that of love; in the one physic cannot prevail, nor in the other counsel. Heph. I cannot tell, Alexander, whether the report be more shameful to be heard, or the cause sorrowful to be believed. What, is the son of Philip, king of Macedon, become the subject of Campaspe, the captive of Thebes? Is that mind, whose greatness the world could not contain, drawn within the compass of an idle alluring eye? Will you handle the spindle with Hercules, when you should shake the spear with Achilles? 20 Is the warlike sound of drum and trump turned to the soft noise of lyre and lute? the neighing of barbed steeds, whose loudness filled the air with terror, and whose breaths Alex. My case were light, Hephestion, and not dimmed the sun with smoke, converted to delicate worthy to be called love, if reason were a retunes and amorous glances? O Alexander, that medy, or sentences could salve that sense cannot soft and yielding mind should not be in him, conceive. Little do you know, and therefore whose hard and unconquered heart hath made so slightly do you regard, the dead embers in a primany yield. But you love: ah grief! but whom? vate person, or live coals in a great prince, Campaspe? ah shame! a maid forsooth unknown, whose passions and thoughts do as far exceed unnoble, and who can tell whether immodest? others in extremity, as their callings do in mawhose eyes are framed by art to enamour, and jesty. An eclipse in the sun is more than the whose heart was made by nature to enchant. falling of a star; none can conceive the torments Ay, but she is beautiful; yea, but not therefore of a king, unless he be a king whose desires are chaste. Ay, but she is comely in all parts of the not inferior to their dignities. And then judge, body; yea, but she may be crocked in some part Hephestion, if the agonies of love be dangerous of the mind: ay, but she is wise: yea but she is in a subject, whether they be not more than Beauty is like the blackberry, which deadly unto Alexander, whose deep and not to seemeth red when it is not ripe, resembling pre-be conceived sighs cleave the heart in shivers; a woman. 20 Is the warlike sound, &c.--So, in Shakespeare's Richard III. A. 1. S. 1: "Grim visaged war hath smoothed his wrinkled front ; And now, instead of mounting barbed steeds, To fright the souls of fearful adversaries, lle capers nimbly in a lady's chamber, To the lascivious pleasing of a lute." whose wounded thoughts can neither be expressed nor endured. 21 Cease then, Hephestion, with arguments to seek to refell that which with their deity the gods cannot resist; and let this suffice to answer thee, that it is a king that loveth, and Alexander, whose affections are not to be ineasured by reason, being immortal, nor I fear me to be borne, being intolerable. Heph. I must needs yield, when neither reason nor counsel can be heard. Alex. Yield, Hephestion, for Alexander doth love, and therefore must obtain. Heph. Suppose she loves not you: affection cometh not by appointment or birth; and then as good hated as enforced. Alex. I am king, and will command. Heph. You may, to yield to lust by force; but to consent to love by fear, you cannot. Alex. Why, what is that which Alexander may not conquer as he list? Heph. Why, that which you say the gods cannot resist, love. Aler. I am a conqueror, she a captive; I as fortunate as she fair: my greatness may answer her wants, and the gifts of my mind, the nodesty of hers: Is it not likely, then, that she should love? is it not reasonable? Heph. You say that in love there is no reason, and therefore there can be no likelihood. Alex. No more, Hephestion; in this case I will use mine own counsel, and in all other thine advice: thou may'st be a good soldier, but never a good lover. Čall my page. [Enter Page.] Sirrah, go presently to Apelles, and will him to come to me, without either delay or excuse. Page. I go. Alex. In the mean season, to recreate my spirits, being so near, we will go see Diogenes. And see where his tub is-Diogenes! Dio. Who calleth? Alex. Alexander-how happen'd it that you would not come out of your tub to my palace? Dio. Because it was as far from my tub to your SCENE I. APELLES, CAMPASPE. palace, as from your palace to my tub. Alex. Why, then, dost thou owe no reverence to kings? Dio. No. Alex. Why so? Dio. Because they be no Gods. Dio. Because I would have none of Diogenes's mind, but Diogenes. Aler. If Alexander have any thing that may pleasure Diogenes, let me know, and take it. Dio. Then take not from me that you cannot give me, the light of the world. Alex. What do'st thou want? Alex. Thou shalt live no longer than I will. Alex. Hephestion, were I not Alexander, I would wish to be Diogenes. Heph. He is dogged, but discreet; I cannot tell how sharp with a kind of sweetness, full of wit, yet too too wayward. I : Alex. Diogenes, when I come this way again, will both see thee and confer with thee. Dio. Do. Alex. But here cometh Apelles. [Enter APEL LES.] How now, Apelles, is Venus's face yet finish'd? Apel. Not yet: beauty is not so soon shadow'd, whose perfection cometh not within the compass either of cunning or of colour. Alex. Well, let it rest unperfect; and come you with me, where I will shew you that finish'd by nature, that you have been trifling about by art. [Exeunt. ACT III. Apel. Lady, I doubt whether there be any co lour so fresh, that may shadow a countenance so fair. Cam. Sir, I had thought you had been com nanded to paint with your hand, not to gloss 21 Cease then, Hephestion, with arguments to seek to refell-i. e. to refute. So, in Erasmus's Praise of Folie, by Chaloner, Sig. L 1: "Yea, so muche dooe rhetoriciens attribute to foolishness, as oftentimes what abjection by no arguments mai be refelled, the same yet with some laughing and scoffynge conceits thei wolde have shifted of." Euphues and his England, p. 60: "But I will not refell that heere, which shall be confated hereafter." Ibid. p. 98: "-and though I doubt not but that Martius is sufficiently armed to aunswere you, yet would I not have those reasons refelled which I loath to have repeated." with your tongue 22. But, as I have heard, it is the hardest thing in painting to set down a hard favour, which maketh you to despair of my face; and then shall you have as great thanks to spare your labout, as to discredit your art. Apel. Mistress, you neither differ from your self nor your sex; for, knowing your own perfection, you seen to dispraise that which men most commend, drawing them by that mean into an admiration, where feeding themselves, they fall into an extasy; your modesty being the cause of the one, and of the other your perfec tions. Psyl. Profound Manes! Manes. We Cynicks are mad fellows; did'st thou not find I did quip thee? : Psyi. No, verily why, what's a quip? Manes. We great girders call it a short saying of a sharp wit, with a bitter sense in a sweet word. Psyl. How canst thou thus divine, divide, define, dispute, and all on the sudden? Manes. Wit will have his swing: I am bewitch'd, inspir'd, inflam'd, infected. Psyl. Well, then will not I tempt thy gibing spirit. Cam. I am too young to understand your Manes. Do not, Psyllus; for thy dull head speech, though old enough to withstand your de-will be but a grind-stone for my quick wit, which vice; you have been so long used to colours, you if thou whet with over-thwarts, periisti, actum can do nothing but colour. est de te. I have drawn blood at one's brains with a bitter bob. Apel. Indeed the colours I sec, I fear, will alter the colour I have. But come, madam, will you draw ucar? for Alexander will be here anon. Psylius, stay you here at the window: if any enquire for me, answer Non lubet esse domi. SCENE II. PSYLLUS, MANES. [Exeunt. Psyl. It is always my master's fashion, when any fair gentlewoman is to be drawn within, to make ine to stay without. But if he should paint Jupiter like a bull, like a swan, like an eagle, then must Psyllus with one hand grind colours, and with the other hold the candle. But let him alone, the better he shadows her face, the more will he burn his own heart. And now, if any man could meet with Manes, who, I dare say, looks as lean as if Diogenes dropt out of his nose. Manes. And here comes Manes, who hath as much meat in his maw, as thou hast honesty in thy head. Psyl. Then I hope thou art very hungry. Manes. They that know thec, know that. Psyl. But do'st thou not remember, that we have certain liquor to confer withal? Manes. Ay, but I have business; I must go cry a thing. Psyl. Why, what hast thou lost? Manes. That which I never had, my dinger. Psyl. Foul lubber, wilt thou cry for thy dinDer? Manes. I mean I must cry, not as one would say cry, but cry, that is, make a noise. Psyl. Why, fool, that is all one; for if thou cry, thou must needs make a noise. Manes. Boy, thou art deceived. Cry hath divers significations, and may be alluded to many things; knave but one, and can be apply'd but to thee. Psyl. Let me cross myself; for I die if I cross' thee. Manes. Let me do my business; I myself am afraid, lest my wit should wax warm, and then must it needs consume some hard head with fine and pretty jests. I am sometimes in such a vein, that for want of some dull pate to work on, I begin to gird myself. Psyl. The Gods shield me from such a fine fellow, whose words melt wits like wax. Manes. Well then, let us to the matter. In faith, my master meaneth to-morrow to fly. Psyl. It is a jest. Manes. Is it a jest to fly? should'st thou fly so soon, thou should'st repent it in carnest. Psyl. Well, I will be the crier. Manes and Psyl. (one after another.) Oyez, Oyez, Oyez! All manner of men, women, or children, that will come to-morrow into the marketplace, between the hours of nine and ten, shall see Diogenes, the Cynick, fly. Psyl. I do not think he will fly. Psyl. Fiy. Manes. Now let us go; for I will not see him' again till midnight. I have a back way into his tub. Psyl. Which way call'st thou the back way, when every way is open? Manes. I mean to come in at his back. Psyl. Well, let us go away, that we may return speedily. [Exeunt. SCENE III. APELLES, CAMPASPE. Apel. I shall never draw your eyes well, because they blind mine. Cam. Why then paint me without eyes, for I am blind. 22 Not to gloss with your tongue-To gloss is to flatter. So, in Euphues and his England, p. 75:"-but wil beleeve but what they list; and in extolling their beauties, they give more credite to their owne glasses, than mens glosses." |